Now, I don't think there's a "use by" date where jokes about the 9/11 terror attacks become acceptable. However, I've noticed that there's something weird online. The mere mention that the trade center towers used to EXIST is now considered offensive, to the point where if they are even SHOWN in old movies and TV episodes, they get censored out or people will react with the same wincing tone normally reserved for those outdated racist Looney Toons episodes.
What gives? I mean, even the creators of the Simpsons say their joke about "putting all the jerks in tower 1" in an episode is "regrettable", as though it's somehow retroactively offensive. Am I missing something?
I found this for those of us (probably just ABF and myself) who've got an old CRT of this model exclusively for retro games (especially light gun games).
If you haven't heard of The Briefcase, think of it like that old Twilight Zone episode about the button someone can press to instantly become millionaires, but at the cost of killing a stranger.
They take two desperately poor families, give them both (the "both" part is kept secret from the other) the weird sum of $101,000, then tell them that they can keep it or share it with a possibly even more needy family. Do you take the entirety to feed your poor family, or do you give charitably to people possibly even more needy than you? Also, maybe someone has to saw off their foot by the end of it.
It's one of the most horrible things I've ever heard of short of Sophie's Choice, but they seem fine with it because, hey, people you know are ALWAYS more important, right? It's just an obvious choice.
Mind you, then whatever choice they make, they have to meet the other family and maybe one walks away with two briefcases full of cash and the other learns that deep down, hope and kindness are the lies we tell ourselves to sleep at night. It's prisoner's dilemma if you knew neither side did anything to deserve this.
Next up, a new reality show where a parent and child are kidnapped and held at a black site and tortured until one betrays the other, deep in their hearts meaning every word of the betrayal. Which one will more readily believes the lies the producers tell about the other? Find out on NBC's Room 101!
I remember when everyone mocked The Truman Show as silly. It's really getting closer and closer to being feasible...
The 1990's were a time of exploration. At long last, all the video and audio one could eat could be stuffed on a CD-ROM and fired into our disc drives. Some thought this would be a great time to put award baiting "contemporary" songs in their games, hoping maybe to make them into huge hits on the radio and drum up sales of their game. (Sierra, for their part, actually asked their fans to call in radio stations and request a song by name, nevermind that Sierra had never bothered handing out a license for it or informing radio stations the song even existed.)
This is a poll that could grow, but for now I put up these options. Which was the cheesiest most retroactively embarrassing song ever wedged into a game? Points go out for being "dated" (sounding as 90's as it possibly can), being badly written and/or cheesy, and of course for being woefully out of place in the game it's featured in, clashing with pretty much all other music in the game. Keep in mind, the song can't just be a bad song, or just be a bit out of place, it has to be so alien that you just stand there saying "...WHAT?!" and desperately trying to keep a straight face. Games with entire soundtracks that are just terrible are also excluded, because at that point it actually starts "working" again. Just about the only songs that match this criteria are going to have lyrics to them.
Let's start off with a few easy choices, in fact I'll try to go chronologically.
King's Quest VI - Girl in the Tower
Oh wow, let's just kick it off with an early 90's power ballad. By their own admission, this was meant to sound like some big romantic song from a Disney movie (and well, it kinda does fit that early 90's Disney hit style). Nevertheless, pretty much nobody expected their whimsical fairy tale to end quite like this. Points for being simultaneously laughably cheesy and also, though nobody would admit to this, a little catchy. I know my mind was held hostage by this song for about a week after I beat this game myself.
King's Quest VII - Land Beyond Dreams
Dangit Sierra, you had to go two for two didn't you? Just a year later, they went and tried again. Double points for making this both the opening AND the ending, because yeah, this is what we wanted to hear twice. This is the sort of song Don Bluth would have put in his movies. Not... like his 80's movies, I'm talking something like the Swan Princess. About that quality too... They really went all-in on the Disney style thing here (again, like 90's Don Bluth), attempting to copy the art style. Emphasis on "attempt". The animators they contracted for this were... not so good. Backgrounds were pretty nice though, and the animation still looked better than CD-i Zelda, for whatever that's worth. Okay, enough of Sierra, there's plenty of cheese to go around.
Nights Into Dreams - Dreams Dreams
Technically, there's 3 versions of this song, and they used it AGAIN in the sequel on the Wii. Way to stay the course Sega! Here is the version most people are going to see the first time they beat the game, with kids singing it, and I picked this version because... it's a "love duet" being sung by kids! The whole thing brings back vibes of "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tale. It's just... so out of nowhere. Considering the possible romantic interpretation of the song, I just have to ask, WHERE did any sort of "love" actually blossom in this bizarre dream adventure?
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night - I Am the Wind
Unlike Sega, Konami seemed intent to bury this song as deep as they possibly could, as every rerelease has actually had a whole new song written just to replace this ending song. Again, this 90's lost love song has basically no connection to the gothic atmosphere of the rest of the game. Then again, the "chase after him" ending where Maria apparently has fallen for Alucard came out of nowhere too. Rumor has it that the composer lost a bet and put in that song as part of that deal. I found a lot of references to that, but couldn't find anything officially stated by the development team to back it up. Still, an interesting rumor.
Donkey Kong 64 - DK Rap
Well how could I forget this one? Truly, a strange and downright insulting "rap" that has no place anywhere, yet Nintendo doesn't know how to quit it, because it winds it's way into every Smash Bros game since Melee.
So there you have it, my current top picks. If you've got any more suggestions, add them in. Remember, only the most ridiculous ones will do!
Am I the only one sick of news reporters constantly spitting out this meaningless line?
Is the earth round or flat? Is astrology useful or superstition? Which exact version of string theory or quantum loop gravity is true?
I don't think "the truth is somewhere in between" helps that much. Neither does the weird attempt to turn any discussion of physical fact into a humanities dissertation on what we REALLY mean by "truth" anyway.
It all gives me a headache. :psyduck: I mean, metaphorically. I've actually never had a headache in my life, I recently found out.
The biggest issue with N64 analog sticks, which are otherwise very well designed (superior to modern stick design in many ways), are that they break down.
As it turns out, the basic technology isn't the issue. It's the plastic. The analog stick is supported by two plastic "cradles" which directly rub against the stick itself as it moves around, eventually grinding away the plastic of the cradles and, as the assembly lowers from that grinding, starts eating away at the lower housing. The lower housing isn't too important (though it is why you see that powder), but the cradle is. This video shows a very effective trick to fixing those cradles. Please note that this method works best on especially worn cradles, as that wear and tear gives the rubber grommet space to fit. If your controller is new and unworn, then don't worry about this repair yet.
Note: I apologize for the quality of this video. This is amazing information but this is the best video I could find, and that means blurry shakycam in vertical aspect ratio for you.
So far, pretty fun game. The single player experience is more fun than I'd anticipated, and lots of people loving the multiplayer. They seem to be "gating" levels and features for later patches, but they're free. It's an odd way to do things.
I just saw Mad Max and got blown to the back of my skull. Then the title card dropped and the movie destroyed me. "Manly" isn't really the right word. This movie made this sort of high octane action gender neutral.
I might copy this over into the reviews forum once I create a subforum for the Turbografx.
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The front of the box
This is a 2d platformer for the PC Engine (TurboGrafx-16), developed by Hudson Soft, that released in 1991. There is also a CD version released the next year, but I have the HuCard.
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The title screen, and one of the few times all characters are seen in their Arabian outfits. It’s a nice title image.
Introduction and Story
This is a game I got fairly recently, and decided to try out. At first the game seemed simple and average, but it actually gets pretty good, so I stuck with it and finished the game in a few days. This game’s fun stuff! Dorabian Nights is a fairly standard Hudson platformer, so it’s not one of the greats of the genre — Hudson platformers never were — but it is a good, solid game that’s fun to play. This game is a licensed platformer based on the popular, long-running childrens’ comic series Doraemon. As usual in Doraemon games, you play as Doraemon, the silly blue cat/alien/robot guy, and have to save the day. Unlike the SNES or N64 Doraemon games, you cannot also play as Doraemon’s human friends, only Doraemon himself.
In specific, this game is loosely based off of the animated movie of the same name as the game. One odd thing about this game is that even though it’s a licensed game based on a movie, from what I’ve read about the movies’ plot, almost none of that happens in the game. The movie is almost entirely set in the fantasy Arabian setting of the title; Doraemon and his child friends go on an adventure there. The girl character gets kidnapped and the others have to rescue her, etc. I hate ‘rescue the girl’ as a plotline, and you still have to do that here, but it’s different. In this game, in the intro cutscene the four children jump into four different storybooks, and Doraemon has to go into the books to rescue them. Each book is set in a different time period. The first is dinosaur-themed (just dinosaurs, thankfully, no cavemen!), the second ancient Japan themed, the third creepy/’horror’ themed, and the last Arabian themed. You rescue a child at the end of each book, with the girl last, but as they’re not playable in the game, this doesn’t matter as much as it would in the SNES games.
So, as far as the Arabian, or “Dorabian” (heh), setting goes, on the title screen Doraemon has a turban on and the four children are in Arabian outfits as they fly on a magic carpet, fitting the Arabian setting, but ingame he only wears this in world 4 and the final level. Similarly, his human child friends only have their Arabian outfits on on the title-screen image and in the second part of the end cutscene, too. It’s a little odd, but there’s only five levels in Arabia in this game. So yeah, don’t expect much of the movie here. Of course, games that try something different often end up better than movie games that strictly follow the plot, so it’s okay. Plus, I like the variety of the four worlds. Every level has a different setting, and they’re interesting to see as you progress. I’ll get back to that, the level variety is a strength of the game.
Level 1
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The first level. Doraemon starts out with just the stun gun, in the age of the dinosaurs.
Level Setup and Items
Another good point of the game is the mostly well-designed difficulty curve that starts out easy, but gets much more difficult in the second half of the game. By the end, the game’s a legitimate challenge. Dorabian Nights uses a map screen between levels, with a new map for each of the five areas. You can go back and play earlier levels whenever you want. The game has four worlds of four levels each and a final level at the end, so it’s not long, but it isn’t overly short either. The first world is very easy, the second fairly easy, the third pretty tough, the fourth about on par with the third or maybe slightly easier, and the last level is hard. Overall I had the hardest time with level 3-3, I died more in that level than any other. It had me stuck for some time; beating that level took a few days of leaving my TG16 on. I had to do that because you can’t save in this game, sadly, though you do have infinite continues… from the beginning of the world. Die in a level and you start it over, lose all your lives and it’s back to level 1 of the world. This may be a kids’ game, but it’s not as easy as you might think. The first SNES Doraemon game is a lot easier than this game, for sure, and all of the SNES Doraemon games have password save too. Still, I like the challenge in this game, and it’s probably more fun to play than most of the SNES games as well. The game is by a more prominent developer and it shows.
While the game is fun, replay value is somewhat limited. You can go and play the levels again after beating the game so long as you don’t turn it off, because the map screen is accessible if you start the game again, but there is little reason to; there are a few areas in earlier levels you can only access with items you get later in the game, but these only give you extra lives and such, so they probably aren’t worth it unless you really want to replay the game right away, or see absolutely everything. Ah well, it’s fun while it lasts.
In the game, you have 4 hits per life. Green things you can dig up give you a hit point back, if you’ve been hit, and these do respawn… but so do the enemies. Doraemon has five different weapons, one of which you only use during the final boss fight. You’ll get a new weapon in each world, pretty much. The four weapons you use through most of the game have some nice variety. The starting gun stuns enemies, the second is the best all-purpose gun, the third is a homing gun which fires slowly but the shots will curve to hit a target, and the last is a cape which sends enemies flying back to damage other enemies, which can be fun. You also can collect some other items which give you a shield, invincibility, and more. You get these items from doors; hit Up at a door to go in. Doors either have a powerup, a bonus minigame (for an extra life or health), or in a few cases some other usually-silly scene in them. There are never enemies in these rooms. The bonus rooms are amusing and add more variety to this already varied game. This is a slow-paced game, though — Doraemon moves slowly and there is no run. I don’t mind, though some people do. I think the game plays well despite its slow-ish pace.
Box Back
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The back of the case shows some the games’ level variety.
Visuals and Level Design
Graphically, the game looks like a standard late ’80s to mid ’90s Hudson platformer, with Doraemon in it. As with all of their platformers from the era the game is cute and cartoony and looks nice. The art is well-drawn and there’s more graphical variety here than in many cartridge games. Visually, the one downside is that, as usual on the system, there isn’t much parallax scrolling, unfortunately — only two stages have any, the rest are flat. one of these two is the first level, and it looks good, but you won’t see parallax again until one of the last levels, and that’s its only other appearance. The graphics are better than I thought they’d be; I was expecting something maybe more like the mediocrity of Bakusho Yoshimoto Shingeki, but this game looks better than that one for sure, and it’s also a lot longer and harder than that game is. The music is good, but not hugely memorable. Still, it’s catchy, fun stuff, and it held up well throughout my time playing the game.
As I said earlier, the game also has some nice gameplay and enemy variety. Almost every one of the 17 levels in this game is visually unique! Every single level has multiple enemy types you will only see in that level as well, and no enemies return when you go from one world to the next. As a result, Dorabian Nights is always mixing things up by introducing new enemy types and level styles. Many levels have one-off challenges or stage-design gimmicks that only appear in that one level. For example, there is one (and only one!) underwater level, one level where you ride a dinosaur for part of the level, one level where you shuffle along platform edges where one hit knocks you back down (this is 3-3, the hardest level), one level is loaded with these pots you can break, some of which keep spitting out enemies at you, and more.
The variety is great, but I kind of wish some of the better ideas appeared more than once — more later levels with platforming as hard as 3-3 might have been a good idea, for instance, or an animal or vehicle to ride on after the first stage other than those flying-carpet bits in the last level — but still, it works, and the game is challenging even without more levels like that. The final boss is definitely a good challenge, for instance. This is one of those games where the final boss plays differently from anything else in the game, and it uses that special 5th weapon as well, but I won’t spoil how it plays; I’d recommend playing the game instead! The boss took a while to beat, and I finally beat the game with 1 hit point left on my last life. Yes, really; it was pretty tense! I thought that a death would send me back to 4-1, but I think that actually you might be able to start from the last level, since it has its own screen on the level-select map, though fortunately I didn’t test it. That was close, though… I had to survive for quite a while with only that 1 hit point left! Tense stuff, but it was fun. The ending’s decent. A bit short, but good enough.
Doraemon Nobita No Dorabian Night Screenshot
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This is from the CD version, but the HuCard version looks the same here. This is the first level in ancient Japan.
Conclusion
Overall, Doraemon Nobita no Dorabian Nights is a simple but fun platformer, and I like it a lot more than I thought I would. I didn’t think this would be all that great, but it’s a fun game for sure. It’s not as good as the Bonk games, but after them it’s better than some of Hudson’s other platformers for the system. The game has decently nice graphics, lots of variety (I really like that every single level has a unique look and feel to it; that’s not common in a game like this!), and good level design. It’s a good game. The main flaws are that the game should have had saving (having to leave the system on for this long is annoying), I’d have liked to see parallax in a lot more levels than just two, and the difficulty is uneven — why is 3-3 the hardest level (other than maybe the final boss), for instance? And why is the desert stage, 4-3, super easy, while the other levels in world 4 are a reasonable challenge? Ah well. The game is pretty good, these issues aren’t too bad. The game is also slow paced, something some people really dislike, but I don’t mind this; as with, say, the Bonk or Tempo games, the slow pace fits the design well. I give the game a solid B.
On one final note, there is also a Turbografx CD Super CD version of the game that released in 1992, a year after this HuCard version. Sadly, it is an INCREDIBLY lazy port — Hudson just redid the intro and ending with voice acting and more animation, redrew some graphics to make them look a little better, put in vocal songs on the title screen and in the new end-credits sequence (yes, there are actually credits on the CD version), and added some voiced sound effects. That’s it, no other changes. It even still has chiptune music ingame. That’s not an issue with this version, though, just with Hudson failing to improve the later CD port much at all. Anyway, this game is fun, try it out if you like platformers.
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