Now, I don't think there's a "use by" date where jokes about the 9/11 terror attacks become acceptable. However, I've noticed that there's something weird online. The mere mention that the trade center towers used to EXIST is now considered offensive, to the point where if they are even SHOWN in old movies and TV episodes, they get censored out or people will react with the same wincing tone normally reserved for those outdated racist Looney Toons episodes.
What gives? I mean, even the creators of the Simpsons say their joke about "putting all the jerks in tower 1" in an episode is "regrettable", as though it's somehow retroactively offensive. Am I missing something?
I found this for those of us (probably just ABF and myself) who've got an old CRT of this model exclusively for retro games (especially light gun games).
If you haven't heard of The Briefcase, think of it like that old Twilight Zone episode about the button someone can press to instantly become millionaires, but at the cost of killing a stranger.
They take two desperately poor families, give them both (the "both" part is kept secret from the other) the weird sum of $101,000, then tell them that they can keep it or share it with a possibly even more needy family. Do you take the entirety to feed your poor family, or do you give charitably to people possibly even more needy than you? Also, maybe someone has to saw off their foot by the end of it.
It's one of the most horrible things I've ever heard of short of Sophie's Choice, but they seem fine with it because, hey, people you know are ALWAYS more important, right? It's just an obvious choice.
Mind you, then whatever choice they make, they have to meet the other family and maybe one walks away with two briefcases full of cash and the other learns that deep down, hope and kindness are the lies we tell ourselves to sleep at night. It's prisoner's dilemma if you knew neither side did anything to deserve this.
Next up, a new reality show where a parent and child are kidnapped and held at a black site and tortured until one betrays the other, deep in their hearts meaning every word of the betrayal. Which one will more readily believes the lies the producers tell about the other? Find out on NBC's Room 101!
I remember when everyone mocked The Truman Show as silly. It's really getting closer and closer to being feasible...
The 1990's were a time of exploration. At long last, all the video and audio one could eat could be stuffed on a CD-ROM and fired into our disc drives. Some thought this would be a great time to put award baiting "contemporary" songs in their games, hoping maybe to make them into huge hits on the radio and drum up sales of their game. (Sierra, for their part, actually asked their fans to call in radio stations and request a song by name, nevermind that Sierra had never bothered handing out a license for it or informing radio stations the song even existed.)
This is a poll that could grow, but for now I put up these options. Which was the cheesiest most retroactively embarrassing song ever wedged into a game? Points go out for being "dated" (sounding as 90's as it possibly can), being badly written and/or cheesy, and of course for being woefully out of place in the game it's featured in, clashing with pretty much all other music in the game. Keep in mind, the song can't just be a bad song, or just be a bit out of place, it has to be so alien that you just stand there saying "...WHAT?!" and desperately trying to keep a straight face. Games with entire soundtracks that are just terrible are also excluded, because at that point it actually starts "working" again. Just about the only songs that match this criteria are going to have lyrics to them.
Let's start off with a few easy choices, in fact I'll try to go chronologically.
King's Quest VI - Girl in the Tower
Oh wow, let's just kick it off with an early 90's power ballad. By their own admission, this was meant to sound like some big romantic song from a Disney movie (and well, it kinda does fit that early 90's Disney hit style). Nevertheless, pretty much nobody expected their whimsical fairy tale to end quite like this. Points for being simultaneously laughably cheesy and also, though nobody would admit to this, a little catchy. I know my mind was held hostage by this song for about a week after I beat this game myself.
King's Quest VII - Land Beyond Dreams
Dangit Sierra, you had to go two for two didn't you? Just a year later, they went and tried again. Double points for making this both the opening AND the ending, because yeah, this is what we wanted to hear twice. This is the sort of song Don Bluth would have put in his movies. Not... like his 80's movies, I'm talking something like the Swan Princess. About that quality too... They really went all-in on the Disney style thing here (again, like 90's Don Bluth), attempting to copy the art style. Emphasis on "attempt". The animators they contracted for this were... not so good. Backgrounds were pretty nice though, and the animation still looked better than CD-i Zelda, for whatever that's worth. Okay, enough of Sierra, there's plenty of cheese to go around.
Nights Into Dreams - Dreams Dreams
Technically, there's 3 versions of this song, and they used it AGAIN in the sequel on the Wii. Way to stay the course Sega! Here is the version most people are going to see the first time they beat the game, with kids singing it, and I picked this version because... it's a "love duet" being sung by kids! The whole thing brings back vibes of "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tale. It's just... so out of nowhere. Considering the possible romantic interpretation of the song, I just have to ask, WHERE did any sort of "love" actually blossom in this bizarre dream adventure?
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night - I Am the Wind
Unlike Sega, Konami seemed intent to bury this song as deep as they possibly could, as every rerelease has actually had a whole new song written just to replace this ending song. Again, this 90's lost love song has basically no connection to the gothic atmosphere of the rest of the game. Then again, the "chase after him" ending where Maria apparently has fallen for Alucard came out of nowhere too. Rumor has it that the composer lost a bet and put in that song as part of that deal. I found a lot of references to that, but couldn't find anything officially stated by the development team to back it up. Still, an interesting rumor.
Donkey Kong 64 - DK Rap
Well how could I forget this one? Truly, a strange and downright insulting "rap" that has no place anywhere, yet Nintendo doesn't know how to quit it, because it winds it's way into every Smash Bros game since Melee.
So there you have it, my current top picks. If you've got any more suggestions, add them in. Remember, only the most ridiculous ones will do!
Am I the only one sick of news reporters constantly spitting out this meaningless line?
Is the earth round or flat? Is astrology useful or superstition? Which exact version of string theory or quantum loop gravity is true?
I don't think "the truth is somewhere in between" helps that much. Neither does the weird attempt to turn any discussion of physical fact into a humanities dissertation on what we REALLY mean by "truth" anyway.
It all gives me a headache. :psyduck: I mean, metaphorically. I've actually never had a headache in my life, I recently found out.
The biggest issue with N64 analog sticks, which are otherwise very well designed (superior to modern stick design in many ways), are that they break down.
As it turns out, the basic technology isn't the issue. It's the plastic. The analog stick is supported by two plastic "cradles" which directly rub against the stick itself as it moves around, eventually grinding away the plastic of the cradles and, as the assembly lowers from that grinding, starts eating away at the lower housing. The lower housing isn't too important (though it is why you see that powder), but the cradle is. This video shows a very effective trick to fixing those cradles. Please note that this method works best on especially worn cradles, as that wear and tear gives the rubber grommet space to fit. If your controller is new and unworn, then don't worry about this repair yet.
Note: I apologize for the quality of this video. This is amazing information but this is the best video I could find, and that means blurry shakycam in vertical aspect ratio for you.
So far, pretty fun game. The single player experience is more fun than I'd anticipated, and lots of people loving the multiplayer. They seem to be "gating" levels and features for later patches, but they're free. It's an odd way to do things.
I just saw Mad Max and got blown to the back of my skull. Then the title card dropped and the movie destroyed me. "Manly" isn't really the right word. This movie made this sort of high octane action gender neutral.
