8th May 2004, 3:13 PM
The Following is a real-life 911 call:
EM: Hello, 911?
OPERATOR: This is 911, your call is being recorded, what's your emergency?
EM: ouch...uh, well you see, my friend Mr. FatBum is over my house; and we were hanging out...
OPERATOR: Uh huh.
EM: And, well, you...OWE, STOP MOVING, LAZY!...well, we kinda started to call Darunia a nazi, and one thing led to another...and well, my dick's stuck up his ass.
OPERATOR: Could...could you repeate...that?
EM: Uh--yea, my dick's like...it's stuck in his ass and stuff. I'd just pull it out, but I have such a hard on right now--it won't retract. I was wondering...if you could send a stretcher over, or something.
OPERATOR: Sir, you're penis...is stuck in his buttocks?
EM: Yea, I was fucking him hardcore in the ass because I like it when he's an asshole to me online. Hello...? Did you just hang up on me? (to Lazy,) dammit, that's the fourth time that's happened. I guess we're stuck like this.
EM: Hello, 911?
OPERATOR: This is 911, your call is being recorded, what's your emergency?
EM: ouch...uh, well you see, my friend Mr. FatBum is over my house; and we were hanging out...
OPERATOR: Uh huh.
EM: And, well, you...OWE, STOP MOVING, LAZY!...well, we kinda started to call Darunia a nazi, and one thing led to another...and well, my dick's stuck up his ass.
OPERATOR: Could...could you repeate...that?
EM: Uh--yea, my dick's like...it's stuck in his ass and stuff. I'd just pull it out, but I have such a hard on right now--it won't retract. I was wondering...if you could send a stretcher over, or something.
OPERATOR: Sir, you're penis...is stuck in his buttocks?
EM: Yea, I was fucking him hardcore in the ass because I like it when he's an asshole to me online. Hello...? Did you just hang up on me? (to Lazy,) dammit, that's the fourth time that's happened. I guess we're stuck like this.
H.R.M. DARVNIVS MAXIMVS EX TENEBRIS EXIT REX DEVSQVE GORONORVMQVE TENDORVM ROMANORVM ET GRÆCORVM OMNIS SEMPER EST