The NEW TC Story Thread!

[EdenMaster]

Surely you remember this? Someone says a sentence, and the next person continues, and so on and so forth, writing an entire (and probably insane) story. I'll begin...

One day, lazyfatbum found a nuclear weapon, and a bowl of chili, and must make a choice.

[Dark Jaguar]

The choice was made, the cat is BLUE!

[Dark Lord Neo]

But it was not a cat, it was Blue, with Steve, playing Blue's Clues with Lazy.

[The Former DMiller]

Lazy didn't play nice, though, and Steve lost a vital body part.

[Weltall]

Dmiller found it, made a snide comment about phallic symbols, and sold it on EBay for twelve dollars plus shipping

[Sacred Jellybean]

Without his bladder, Steve ran about and made interesting sounds. Lazyfatbum lets out a demented cackle and escapes by running through the wall, leaving a crater in the outline of his body, Duke Phillips from The Critic style. On his way to the bisexual bar, he meets Tom Clancy...

[Dark Jaguar]

Who seems to have been beaten with his own books, though it's less painful than reading them, am I right folks?

[The Former DMiller]

Dark Jaguar is killed execution style for insulting Tom Clancy, and Lazy then receives a telegram saying he's been drafted to fight in Iraq.

[Dark Jaguar]

Would you kill...THE SIMPSONS?! That's who insulted them first, with the same joke!

You know, being killed execution style HURTS! Regenerating isn't as easy as it looks you know. You are all hungry and stuff afterwards and feel like taking a nap. Well, that's how I feel all the time, but you know...

Bad Joke Police: That's it! You can't tell that old croner and get away with it!

[Weltall]

Lazy gets shot at on the field because of his resemblance to Saddam Hussein, but they stop when he tells them he's black.

[OB1]

...Which lasts for a few good seconds before they realize that he is in fact not black. But then he cries "Oh why oh why do we have to fight? Let's just be friends and call it a night!".

They stare at each other for a few minutes, and then start hugging each other.

Sodomy ensues.

[Sacred Jellybean]

Just as the happy sperm nuzzles lazy's rectum, Stephen Hawking declares war on Canada. Dark Lord Neo weeps for the loss of innocence. Italian Pyro shaves the weasel. Mapel Girl resumes her masturbation with the GameCube controller, as typical.

[alien space marine]

Jean chreitein disables Steven hawkings life support machinery.
Steven hawkings gives Jean the finger , Jean Chreitein throws a fit and chokes steven hawkings to death. Canada is liberated from the forces of maybelieve stories.

The prime ministry last words before his retirement , "I dont know what went wrong back there "!

later on.
Darklord Neo is declared the PM of canada. Later under new government legislation all references to "maple" as in Maple syrup , have been patented thuss nobody can use that word without paying a tax. Also the word Igloo has been also baned from public use as it is a racist remark toward Inuit natives.

First nation sues the canadian goverment for copyright violation for using the word "Igloo" in a law book without there conscent.

[Great Rumbler]

All of a sudden, Canada exploded!!

[Dark Jaguar]

Which summons once again the amazing duo of Psy-Rockin' Omeg-Alf, and the Mr T of DOOOOOM (with a gun in his arm now).

[EdenMaster]

The Mr. T of DOOOOM wonders what he did in a past life to be brought back again and again is a Nintendo Forums story thread, meanwhile, the Psy-Rockin' Omeg-Alf humps nickdaddygs leg, and it's difficult to determine who is enjoying it more.

[Weltall]

In the exact moment Psy-Rockin' Omeg-Alf squealed with his little boy orgasm, somewhere halfway across the world Darunia sits down to a hearty bowl of cat litter.

[Great Rumbler]

Just a Darunia was about to take a bite of the kitty litter a ninja appeared and totally chopped Darunia's head off!! Then the ninja flipped out and killed the whole town!!

[Laser Link]

After the ninja leaves, Darunia uses his theoretical ability of self healing, re-grows his head, and begins to eat. Several crunchy bites later he realizes that this is in fact NOT Grapenuts and tootsie rolls. In anger he declares war on the charred remains of Canada.

[Dark Lord Neo]

Then DLN stands on a soapbox and reminds everyon how they are only suposed to write a sentence(or at least a short thing) not multi-paragraph epics.

[Laser Link]

All of a sudden, Dark Lord Neo exploded!!!

[Dark Jaguar]

At which point the ninja realizes it never actually cut off Darunia's head, but rather that Darunia just fell down and his head just appeared to be missing, like all gorons, but especially true for a 1 inch tall goron. Then a pirate ninja came along and stole everyone's booty and totally chopped everyone's head off, even though the dude had some awesome eyepatch held in place with a bandana!

[OB1]

Then the pirate ninja realizes that it's impossible for him to exist since there's no such thing as a pirate ninja, and reveals himself to be Dark Jaguar and Private Hudson's child!

Sodomy ensues.

[Weltall]

Since Private Hudson has telekenetic powers, every person on earth wakes up the next morning with a sore anus.

[alien space marine]

Alien amries send telepathic messages to the Tc folks forcing them to litterally pick their own brains out through there noses.



Oh and god ressurects canada!

[Weltall]

But then God reconsiders, because Dark Lord Neo and ABF (who, while not Canadian, is as close as one can get without actually being one) think He doesn't exist. Therefore He turns Canada into a US state and sinks the French part into the ocean.

[alien space marine]

Americans become so fond of there new state they decide to call themselves all Canadians. God Later destroys france and germany as there cheesey imoral lifestyle corrupts the world.

[Great Rumbler]

Just then, Bin Laden bursts into the U.N. along with a construction worker, an indian, and a cop and they start singing "Macho Man"!!

[OB1]

Then... then Batman comes in and meets GR.

Sodomy ensues.

...


..

[Great Rumbler]

Just then GR reveales himself to be OB1! Then Batman reveals himself to be lazyfatbum! Then OB1 reveals himself to Dark Jaguar! Then lazyfatbum reveals himself to be George Clinton P. Funk!

[alien space marine]

later they all realize there brains were picked out by themselves by alien hypnotic sounds.

(above):D

[Dark Jaguar]

Then the imaginary pirate ninja reveals himself to be McBrundash, the ultimate spy gadget!

[Laser Link]

Then lazyfatbum grabs a mic, flips his hat around backwards, and yells out "Who's that wearing those silly shoes?"
Everyone responds: We are wearing those silly shoes!
*Bush plays wild guitar riff*

lazy: Well I really hate those silly shoes!
Everyone: Well we really like our silly shoes!
*more crazy guitaring*

lazy: Please stop wearing those silly shoes!
Everyone: We won't stop wearing out silly shoes!
*Tony Blair joins in*

lazy: Well I've learned to respect your silly shoes.
Everyone: And respect for you is something we won't lose!
*Bin Ladin starts moshing to the guitar*

Can I, uh, try on a pair of your silly shoes?
OB1: Man, stop talking about those silly shoes.
*the insanity continues*

lazy: You say I'm boring, but I say hardly.
Everyone: Let's get together and have a pizza party!
Dark Jaguar: PEPPERONI!
Matt Thiessen: And it was all just a dream.

Yes, it's too long. Deal with it.

[Great Rumbler]

Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussien announce that they will be starring in the Iraqi comedy movie "Who Shaved My Mustache?"

[Darunia]

*Sodomy ensues*

[Laser Link]

Laser Link, being innocent and pure of heart, asks "Who is this Sodomy guy and why does he sue everyone? Is he related to that Hussein guy?"

[Dark Jaguar]

DJ, wondering the same thing, falls into a vat of jell-o, eats the jell-o, and when done screams "I hate peperoni, sausage pizza for me!".

[alien space marine]

Dark Lord Neo passed a new law were it is ilegal to put jello on a pizza. Dark Jaguar gets arrested and put in the corner.
No cat nip for you!
:D

[Laser Link]

Then suddenly, for good measure, Canada exploded again!!!

[alien space marine]

A river of maple syrub pours into laser links home , forever transforming him into captain Canuck!

How does it feel to be a canadian hero now?

[Darunia]

Then Quebec secedes from Canada, noting that "that lot is too iffy, if you know what I mean."

[alien space marine]

Captain canuck Tosses his magic beaver and it circumcised Darunia!

[Darunia]

But then Darunia regenerates his manhood. The beaver is tried for espionage and attempted regicide; sentenced to life imprisonment, but in all actuality, the beaver's severed torso turns up floating in the Sein some weeks later.

[alien space marine]

Darunia is later killed by animal rights activist!:D

[Weltall]

...who then regret their act of cruelty on an animal...

[Darunia]

*Upon learning that he'd just been insulted by Weltall, Goron has his new secret police (the Gorstoppo) arrest Weltall*

*Weltall is charge in the High Goron Court of Assholes for first degree, premeditated Insulting of His Excellency; is found guilty, and sentenced to die on the rack at dawn*

[Dark Lord Neo]

DLN then dispatches the mounties to capture Darunia, they succede and run him over repeatedly whith their horses

[Weltall]

But using System Id, and in the process of making jokes about breasts, Weltall annihilates Goron City and escapes.

[Darunia]

*Gorstoppo arrive at DNL's, toting MP40s*

GORSTOPPO CAPTAIN: Come out of there!
GORSTOPPO CORP: Fool, he speaks Canadian, not English!
GORSTOPPO CAPTAIN: 'Eh, what ya doeen in dare, eh? Why dontcha come on out, aboot, 'eh?

*DNL replies by hurtling maple leafs at the confused Gorstoppo, who in turn raze his house to the ground with him dedans.*

[EdenMaster]

Sodomy ensues.