21st July 2004, 5:53 PM
*Lazy Fat Bum and OB1 are strolling along a pre-dawn beach, hand-in hand. Suddenly they stop; the one turns to the other, and they share a gentle kiss. There is only the sound of the surf about them, and the beating of their fluttering hearts. Then, OB1 feels something brush against his feet. He picks it up; it's a waterlogged, frosty green bottle...chipped and worn from untold ages at sea. He uncorks it, and unfurls the parched yellow text within.*
"It's in Goron script!" he exclaims, beginning to decipher it. He begins to read;
To whomsoever may find this document---know that it is written by the hand of none other than deposed Sovereign Lord of Tendo City, Emperor Marcus Darunius XIV! Many fortnights have passed since last I trodded thine sacred halls. My nights have been weary and long. My computer's ailments know no rest, my friends. For reasons unknown, it will not allow me to post here. Know that my thoughts are with you all, and that may all the Sages of Hyrule and the three shimmering golden goddesses Nayru, Din and ...ehh whatever the third one's name is---hasten the day when I shall return to you. Make insulting Goron jokes in response to this all you want; I fear I shan't reply for a long time yet. Who knows when I shall return home to you.
Best regards,
Your Most Excellent Sovereign Lord and Majesty,
(Royal seal of Darunia).
OB1 and Lazy exchange bewildered glances.
"What should we do with the bottle, hunny?" OB1 asked. To this, Lazy smirked pervertedly.
"Oh--I know where we can put it..."
OB1 giggled gingerly, and hand-in-hand, the two scampered along to frolic in the surf.
"It's in Goron script!" he exclaims, beginning to decipher it. He begins to read;
To whomsoever may find this document---know that it is written by the hand of none other than deposed Sovereign Lord of Tendo City, Emperor Marcus Darunius XIV! Many fortnights have passed since last I trodded thine sacred halls. My nights have been weary and long. My computer's ailments know no rest, my friends. For reasons unknown, it will not allow me to post here. Know that my thoughts are with you all, and that may all the Sages of Hyrule and the three shimmering golden goddesses Nayru, Din and ...ehh whatever the third one's name is---hasten the day when I shall return to you. Make insulting Goron jokes in response to this all you want; I fear I shan't reply for a long time yet. Who knows when I shall return home to you.
Best regards,
Your Most Excellent Sovereign Lord and Majesty,
(Royal seal of Darunia).
OB1 and Lazy exchange bewildered glances.
"What should we do with the bottle, hunny?" OB1 asked. To this, Lazy smirked pervertedly.
"Oh--I know where we can put it..."
OB1 giggled gingerly, and hand-in-hand, the two scampered along to frolic in the surf.
H.R.M. DARVNIVS MAXIMVS EX TENEBRIS EXIT REX DEVSQVE GORONORVMQVE TENDORVM ROMANORVM ET GRÆCORVM OMNIS SEMPER EST
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