13th March 2007, 9:27 AM
I've met guys that are total assholes, and I dont mean in the sexy way. Guys that are married but pick up girls like they're single, constantly trying to reaffirm their ego as if getting attention from the girls feeds their insecurities. An insecure man is a dangerous ideal. If left to their own devices they'll burn every bridge and break every link of trust just to get to the bottom of the reasonings (percieved anyway) of their insecurities. But as men, we're litteral and logical, and much to women's disappointment we can immediately ferret out bullshit though we may not be able to pinpoint it - we know when it's happening.
If a woman looks down on her self and has security issues, there is absolutely nothing a man can say to help them. Nothing we do in the relationship will aid them in giving them security or help them look up to themselves - they have to do it for themselves which is where the destructive nature resides. With men, you can be insecure and look down on yourself, but if we're treated good by a woman and see them back up their claim that they look up to us, our insecurities melt away. But it works in the inverse too. If a woman makes any statement that might bolster the male's insecurity he'll grab on to it and use it to anchor himself firmly in that insecurity.
If you're say, worried that you're too short, and your girl brings up that you're short and it dissapoints her, the man is going to be in the negative on the emotional scale. He'll take the past insecurities and multiply them - making them even more important to his well being. He'll buy elevators for his shoes, wear boots with 3 inch heels, learn about backbone stretching, walk as erect as possible and try to undo the insecurity by removing its cause. If after trying so hard (at this stage the male usually feels pretty good about themselves though are stressed out by it) the girl is still disappointed or looks down it still, then she has effectively broken that man. He'll succumb to every negative feeling he has about himself. He'll still take every measure to appear taller, but that insecurity will completely devour him, affecting him in every aspect of life.
After years of that, when that man meets a woman who says "Oh I dont think you're short at all." the male's world is turned upside down. This is where a man finds out if he's a man or not - he's with a girl and for better or worse he owes his heart to her. If he cheats on her with this girl just for the ideal of being less insecure he'll ruin everything. It's a major test. Unfortunately for a lot of men, the simple musings of a girl are allowed to be devastating to them, allowing it to crush them. But it comes in two flavors:
If the girl says she's disappointed in that your short and distances herself from you, physically and emotionally, starts looking at tall guys and telling you about tall guys she met, then its solidified and ultimately destructive. But if she's as close as ever to you physically and emotionally and has no desire to be with anyone else, she can tell you that you're a midget and it's basically okay because there's no threat of losing her because of it. These are the couples who can openly say anything, couples where the man can tell his girl she's gained weight, the girl can tell the guy he's too bald, etc etc. And because of the closeness in the relationship those ideas aren't made important and cant become destructive. It's only when the negative opinions and views affect the closeness of the relationship that it actually causes any negative outcome, the rest is just cannon fodder.
For a girl, its far less cerebral and has more to do with appearance based on whatever her upbringing was. That's about 40% of the idea. The rest comes from a dynamic emotional aspect that is without question the most destructive and can change her entire personality in an instant and nothing is based on anything logical. Without bringing it up or talking about it, a girl who's never had any interest in say, a man who's intelligent or articulate, will exclusively become attracted to that IF the man she's with isn't intelligent or articulate. The grass is always greener mentality affects every thought they have and its used to, in their view, better themselves. An example would be an older woman who's been with a guy for several years and is happy. The husband is also older, and with that comes the obvious effects of getting older. And without talking about it to the man or bringing it up in any way, the woman will reach a conclusion that she's more attracted to younger guys and in time, it will effect her so much that eventually the relationship will be destroyed. Then, after its destruction when the woman realizes that she put ridiculous ideals in her head that actually came from her own personal fear of growing older, she'll hate herself, become more emotionally unstable and do one of two things; beg the man to take her back or run like hell.
In any given situation in a couple's counseling office you see the same thing over and over. The guy says she suddenly changed, became this other person, her personality did a 180. She used to hate guys who were X or X music, or X ideals, and now its like that's all she wants, I dont know who she is anymore. And the woman says the same thing every time, projecting her own thoughts on to him 'He doesn't understand me." Which actually means she doesn't understand her own behavior and cant explain it.
Women will decide that whatever the opposite is, is better. Women who have dated the types of guys who hang out at the beach, surf, have great bodies etc exclusively, will slowly start to lean towards the idea of being with a more effeminate male, suddenly for these women, no one is cuter than a less macho and artistic 'introvert' personality. If a woman who had been exclusively with less macho and introvert personalities, she'll suddenly (even in the middle of a relationship) decide she wants the guys who hang out at the beach. And the change in direction never lasts. They keep bouncing from type to type because they have no idea what they want - only what they percieve to want at that particular instant which, if thought upon and dissected, would become utterly ridiculous to the woman, confusing her, causing her to hate herself, etc. There's no way out of this, everything the man does will be destructive no matter the intentions and it's entirely because women are frightened, vile, emotionally stunted monsters.
If a woman looks down on her self and has security issues, there is absolutely nothing a man can say to help them. Nothing we do in the relationship will aid them in giving them security or help them look up to themselves - they have to do it for themselves which is where the destructive nature resides. With men, you can be insecure and look down on yourself, but if we're treated good by a woman and see them back up their claim that they look up to us, our insecurities melt away. But it works in the inverse too. If a woman makes any statement that might bolster the male's insecurity he'll grab on to it and use it to anchor himself firmly in that insecurity.
If you're say, worried that you're too short, and your girl brings up that you're short and it dissapoints her, the man is going to be in the negative on the emotional scale. He'll take the past insecurities and multiply them - making them even more important to his well being. He'll buy elevators for his shoes, wear boots with 3 inch heels, learn about backbone stretching, walk as erect as possible and try to undo the insecurity by removing its cause. If after trying so hard (at this stage the male usually feels pretty good about themselves though are stressed out by it) the girl is still disappointed or looks down it still, then she has effectively broken that man. He'll succumb to every negative feeling he has about himself. He'll still take every measure to appear taller, but that insecurity will completely devour him, affecting him in every aspect of life.
After years of that, when that man meets a woman who says "Oh I dont think you're short at all." the male's world is turned upside down. This is where a man finds out if he's a man or not - he's with a girl and for better or worse he owes his heart to her. If he cheats on her with this girl just for the ideal of being less insecure he'll ruin everything. It's a major test. Unfortunately for a lot of men, the simple musings of a girl are allowed to be devastating to them, allowing it to crush them. But it comes in two flavors:
If the girl says she's disappointed in that your short and distances herself from you, physically and emotionally, starts looking at tall guys and telling you about tall guys she met, then its solidified and ultimately destructive. But if she's as close as ever to you physically and emotionally and has no desire to be with anyone else, she can tell you that you're a midget and it's basically okay because there's no threat of losing her because of it. These are the couples who can openly say anything, couples where the man can tell his girl she's gained weight, the girl can tell the guy he's too bald, etc etc. And because of the closeness in the relationship those ideas aren't made important and cant become destructive. It's only when the negative opinions and views affect the closeness of the relationship that it actually causes any negative outcome, the rest is just cannon fodder.
For a girl, its far less cerebral and has more to do with appearance based on whatever her upbringing was. That's about 40% of the idea. The rest comes from a dynamic emotional aspect that is without question the most destructive and can change her entire personality in an instant and nothing is based on anything logical. Without bringing it up or talking about it, a girl who's never had any interest in say, a man who's intelligent or articulate, will exclusively become attracted to that IF the man she's with isn't intelligent or articulate. The grass is always greener mentality affects every thought they have and its used to, in their view, better themselves. An example would be an older woman who's been with a guy for several years and is happy. The husband is also older, and with that comes the obvious effects of getting older. And without talking about it to the man or bringing it up in any way, the woman will reach a conclusion that she's more attracted to younger guys and in time, it will effect her so much that eventually the relationship will be destroyed. Then, after its destruction when the woman realizes that she put ridiculous ideals in her head that actually came from her own personal fear of growing older, she'll hate herself, become more emotionally unstable and do one of two things; beg the man to take her back or run like hell.
In any given situation in a couple's counseling office you see the same thing over and over. The guy says she suddenly changed, became this other person, her personality did a 180. She used to hate guys who were X or X music, or X ideals, and now its like that's all she wants, I dont know who she is anymore. And the woman says the same thing every time, projecting her own thoughts on to him 'He doesn't understand me." Which actually means she doesn't understand her own behavior and cant explain it.
Women will decide that whatever the opposite is, is better. Women who have dated the types of guys who hang out at the beach, surf, have great bodies etc exclusively, will slowly start to lean towards the idea of being with a more effeminate male, suddenly for these women, no one is cuter than a less macho and artistic 'introvert' personality. If a woman who had been exclusively with less macho and introvert personalities, she'll suddenly (even in the middle of a relationship) decide she wants the guys who hang out at the beach. And the change in direction never lasts. They keep bouncing from type to type because they have no idea what they want - only what they percieve to want at that particular instant which, if thought upon and dissected, would become utterly ridiculous to the woman, confusing her, causing her to hate herself, etc. There's no way out of this, everything the man does will be destructive no matter the intentions and it's entirely because women are frightened, vile, emotionally stunted monsters.