REVOLUTION CONTROLLER HAS BEEN REVEALED!!!!!

[lazyfatbum]

I just thought i'd share this.

"One of the greatest innovations in surround sound for home theaters was the simple idea of turning the center speaker flat (horizontal) instead of vertical, which allowed for greater response and a more direct sound."

"The inner-ear headphones, an innovation brought to us by an experiment at JVC to create a cheap alternative to large, noise canceling headphones, helped in creating a new industry standard by simply changing the look of tradional headphones."

"The innovation of Nintendo's D-Pad created a new industry standard and is still in use today on most home and portable video game systems."

Ryan: That's not an innovation! All they did was change the LOOK and FEEL and create a new INDUSTRY STANDARD! Innovation is when you create something TOTALY brand NEW!

"The Intellivision controller offered gameplayers the chance to use their thumbs instead of a stick, the simple idea of 'removing the stick' created a more comfortable interaction which was improved upon by Nintendo when they overhauled the design again to change the look and feel of it to a more precise and easier to use 'Directional Pad' that is shaped like a cross, a totally new design to video game controllers; it changed the look and feel of video games forever."

*A television monitor stands silently on a jutting cliff side*

Ryan: WWWAAAHGG! UGH! UGH! *points at monitor* UGGGHHHHRRRRAAAAH! O! O! OOO! *hits monitor with Intellivision controller* OOO! O!

*Television monitor stands silently*

Ryan: AARRGGG!1 *throws the Intellivision controller in to the air, it turns in to a controller shaped ship hovering above Earth*

*Mozart*

Intellivision: ...what are you doing, Ryan?

Ryan: I'm defending you because I 'mastered' your controller when I was 4 years old.

Intellivision: Ryan... i'm Intelligent.

Ryan: I know...

Intellivision: Have you played Ladybug yet? It's very good.

Ryan: Yes.

*Ryan sees himself as an old man*

Old man Ryan: *on MSN* heheheh I did her in her butt hole! she cried... btw Nintendo suxx0rz lolololol

Intellivision: Ryan... I made you look like an idiot defending me on a Nintendo message board.

Ryan: I know.

Intellivion: Ryan... I did my best to bring video games in to the home, but I dont compare to Nintendo or Sega. While they created the industry you know today, I was merely an adopter of existing technology. A failing technology that nearly destroyed all video games.

Ryan: I know.

Intellivision: Ryan... you need to let me go.

Ryan: I dont want to.

Intellivision: Ryan... You have to.

Ryan: *closes eyes and pulls plug*

Intellivision: I... remember....how.... we.... playeeedddd.......

*black silence*

*slow pan through space*

*a television monitor appears floating in space*

*a baby is born on Earth named Ryan*

*new 4 and 8 bit controllers appear in front of Earth, each one unique and different with the NES controller in front with large, arrows pointing to the NES controller proclaiming "The best" and "better than Intellivision" with blinking neon lights*

*current age Ryan, Old man Ryan and baby Ryan pick up the NES controller and play The legend of Zelda*

*chorus sings Ode to Joy*

*guy does two girls in really fast motion to the theme of Lone Ranger*

THIS IS MY RIFLE, THIS IS MY GUN, THIS IS FOR SHOOTING, THIS IS FOR FUN

*twins appear in a hallway covered in blood*

Lolita: Do you always have to shave twice a day?

Humbert: Yes, of course, because all the best people shave twice a day.

"You cant fight in here, this is a War Room!"

*Tokyo explodes*

"I love you, Spartacus!"

Tom Cruise: *standing in a toy store* What do we do now?

Redmond Barry: ...we need to fuck.

*somewhere on Earth, at an editing station*

Editor: dude that is the last time I smoke pot while editing Kubrick movies holy God