16th July 2005, 4:27 AM
*walks in wearing a fireman outfit*
*everyone goes quiet*
Sorry i'm late, i've been... putting out fires all day. We got a call that there's a fire here... and I came to put it out....
*TEAR-AWAY PANTS! AND TECHNO!*
Yeah... yeah! get some! UGH you like that!? *'package' sways in grand circles, causes a wind-tunnel effect* OH, OH DAMN YEAH... TAKE IT! WHERE YOU BURNIN BABY??? LEMME TAKE OUT MY HOSE.....
*DeAnna blushes, play-hits her friends*
DeAnna: You guys omg! I cant believe you hired a stripper!!! DANG!
DeAnna's friends: we..... we didn't hire.... a stripper....
DeAnna: WHAT
That's right DeAnna I have been saving up this monologue for quite some time you see I have been drinking beers for 6 weeks straight without urinating and now I will pee on your cake and all over you friends
Deanna: OMG NO
SHUT UP! PEE NOW!
*a sudden gush of urine wets the floor*
*DeAnna's mom runs in*
DeAnna's Mom: OMG WHAT'S ALL THE COMMOTION WHERE'S *falls down*
HA, HA, HA YOUR MOM SWIMS IN PEE! MY PEE!
Deanna's Mom: OMG HELP! I CANT... oh it smells good...
DeAnna: MOM DANG!
DeAnna's Mom: It has a... syrupy texture..... *licks floor*
*75 people vomit simultaneously*
YEAAAAHHH YOUR MOM LICKS URINE RIGHT FROM THE FLOOR! MY PEE IS A TASTY ALTERNATIVE SNACK! FOR PEE EATERS! LIKE YOUR MOM!
DeAnna: NOOOOO!!!! DAMMIT! *in slow motion, breaks out an over-sized uzi with laser sights and fires randomly with her eyes closed*
*somewhere in a theater*
Abraham Lincoln: This play is delightful, oh it truely is. And my hat is delightful, I really enjoy this hat in particular. Plays and hats, that's basically the type of person I am *dies*
DeAnna's Friends: OMG DEANNA!!!! YOU KILLED ABRAHAM LINCOLN!!!!
*riots in LA, silent black helicopters converge over DeAnna's house*
"We can see the house now of what investigators believe to be the house of the perpatrator - the one responsible for murdering Abraham Lincoln and possibly others around the country. The 15 year old young woman who calls herself 'DeAnna" is a known killer and hate-crime instagator who might of invented the AIDS virus. We have with us via live feed doctor Basil. Now Dr. Basil what do you make of this situation?"
Dr. Basil: Well, scientifically speaking people who try to put 2 capital letters in their first name obviously have major issues, you know.
YESSSSSS!!!! MY PLAN IS WORKING PERFECTLY! NOT ONLY HAVE YOU KILLED ABRAHAM LINCOLN BUT YOUR MOTHER IS DRINKING MY URINE! AND THE WORLD THINKS YOUR CRAZY AND NOW RIOTS IN LA..... YOU'RE SUDDENLY VERY NUDE AND ON LIVE TELEVISION!
DeAnna: GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY CLOTHES!!!!!!!
NOTICE WILL YOU PLEASE THE LARGE PATCH OF HAIR ON HER UPPER TORSO, A BREAST BEARD?? YES I THINK SO! A NEST OF HAIRY BOOBS!
*WEIRD SWIRLING EFFECT*
Cut to:
*DeAnna wakes up in bed*
DeAnna: oh...... oh Jesus....... thank God.... it was just a dream..... just a dream.....
DeAnna walks in to the bathroom to splash some water in her face. She flicks on the light and the flourescent bulbs strike on in spurts on green and yellow. She draws the water and cups it in her hand, gliding it down her face as if to wash away the memories of her nightmare. As she holds her head back feeling the warm water on her face she notices an itch. She begins to scratch it... more and more, it becomes intolerable, a horrible burning itch across her chest. Something's not right she thinks to herself. DeAnna lifts her shirt and to her horror she finds a large tuft of hair across her chest that has been shaved in to what appears to be letters that are spelled backwards. DeAnna, in shock, looks in the mirror to read....
HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY DEANNA! :D
*everyone goes quiet*
Sorry i'm late, i've been... putting out fires all day. We got a call that there's a fire here... and I came to put it out....
*TEAR-AWAY PANTS! AND TECHNO!*
Yeah... yeah! get some! UGH you like that!? *'package' sways in grand circles, causes a wind-tunnel effect* OH, OH DAMN YEAH... TAKE IT! WHERE YOU BURNIN BABY??? LEMME TAKE OUT MY HOSE.....
*DeAnna blushes, play-hits her friends*
DeAnna: You guys omg! I cant believe you hired a stripper!!! DANG!
DeAnna's friends: we..... we didn't hire.... a stripper....
DeAnna: WHAT
That's right DeAnna I have been saving up this monologue for quite some time you see I have been drinking beers for 6 weeks straight without urinating and now I will pee on your cake and all over you friends
Deanna: OMG NO
SHUT UP! PEE NOW!
*a sudden gush of urine wets the floor*
*DeAnna's mom runs in*
DeAnna's Mom: OMG WHAT'S ALL THE COMMOTION WHERE'S *falls down*
HA, HA, HA YOUR MOM SWIMS IN PEE! MY PEE!
Deanna's Mom: OMG HELP! I CANT... oh it smells good...
DeAnna: MOM DANG!
DeAnna's Mom: It has a... syrupy texture..... *licks floor*
*75 people vomit simultaneously*
YEAAAAHHH YOUR MOM LICKS URINE RIGHT FROM THE FLOOR! MY PEE IS A TASTY ALTERNATIVE SNACK! FOR PEE EATERS! LIKE YOUR MOM!
DeAnna: NOOOOO!!!! DAMMIT! *in slow motion, breaks out an over-sized uzi with laser sights and fires randomly with her eyes closed*
*somewhere in a theater*
Abraham Lincoln: This play is delightful, oh it truely is. And my hat is delightful, I really enjoy this hat in particular. Plays and hats, that's basically the type of person I am *dies*
DeAnna's Friends: OMG DEANNA!!!! YOU KILLED ABRAHAM LINCOLN!!!!
*riots in LA, silent black helicopters converge over DeAnna's house*
"We can see the house now of what investigators believe to be the house of the perpatrator - the one responsible for murdering Abraham Lincoln and possibly others around the country. The 15 year old young woman who calls herself 'DeAnna" is a known killer and hate-crime instagator who might of invented the AIDS virus. We have with us via live feed doctor Basil. Now Dr. Basil what do you make of this situation?"
Dr. Basil: Well, scientifically speaking people who try to put 2 capital letters in their first name obviously have major issues, you know.
YESSSSSS!!!! MY PLAN IS WORKING PERFECTLY! NOT ONLY HAVE YOU KILLED ABRAHAM LINCOLN BUT YOUR MOTHER IS DRINKING MY URINE! AND THE WORLD THINKS YOUR CRAZY AND NOW RIOTS IN LA..... YOU'RE SUDDENLY VERY NUDE AND ON LIVE TELEVISION!
DeAnna: GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY CLOTHES!!!!!!!
NOTICE WILL YOU PLEASE THE LARGE PATCH OF HAIR ON HER UPPER TORSO, A BREAST BEARD?? YES I THINK SO! A NEST OF HAIRY BOOBS!
*WEIRD SWIRLING EFFECT*
Cut to:
*DeAnna wakes up in bed*
DeAnna: oh...... oh Jesus....... thank God.... it was just a dream..... just a dream.....
DeAnna walks in to the bathroom to splash some water in her face. She flicks on the light and the flourescent bulbs strike on in spurts on green and yellow. She draws the water and cups it in her hand, gliding it down her face as if to wash away the memories of her nightmare. As she holds her head back feeling the warm water on her face she notices an itch. She begins to scratch it... more and more, it becomes intolerable, a horrible burning itch across her chest. Something's not right she thinks to herself. DeAnna lifts her shirt and to her horror she finds a large tuft of hair across her chest that has been shaved in to what appears to be letters that are spelled backwards. DeAnna, in shock, looks in the mirror to read....
HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY DEANNA! :D