15th May 2005, 6:08 PM
First specs on Revolution
12 Bagillion vortex polys per milisecond
80 terrabytes of ultra OMFG ram
wireless wi-fi speed said to download the entire internet in 10 seconds
Full-Body immersive tech allows players to be shot with real bullets, be lit on fire and actually die while playing and be resurrected
Revolution will come standard with small asian wife/hooker who is also a maid
Sound output created in joint venture by THX and Bose, example shown was a train going by that actually caused one of the reporters to lose 50% of his hearing and caused a pregnant woman to go in to labor
50 watt penis pump
holographic projection gives the illusion of a 600 mile wide screen and everything is life-sized. the "Sword controller" was shown off during the demo of Zelda Revolution that is actually made of steel and is the Sword of evil's bane, one Microsoft executive who was in the room at the time of the demo burst in to flames and became a winged demon who then turned to salt.
Revolution will launch with 500 titles, all priced at $3 each. Nintendo was quoted as saying "Enough of this 50 bucks a pop business." Many of the games are being examined by top scientists around the world who believe the Nintendo Revolution might be using a technology that actually creates a "tunnel" in the universe, said one german scientist. "The universe tunnel is the theory that you can reach in to another universe with a solid A to B point of reference so that you can return safely." Nintendo had a stance of no comment when asked about the Universe Tunneling but did show off a version of Metroid where God appeared and gave us visions of the end of the world 5 billion years from now
Nintendo revolution also said to create immense cash flow for homes by actually doing an automatic fail-safe stock trading program while it's on. "we cant go in to details, but basically you become richer every time you play Revolution."
Power cord doubles as a Lasso of Truth, when used on Sony execs they will admit to being dirty dirty whores
More to come!
12 Bagillion vortex polys per milisecond
80 terrabytes of ultra OMFG ram
wireless wi-fi speed said to download the entire internet in 10 seconds
Full-Body immersive tech allows players to be shot with real bullets, be lit on fire and actually die while playing and be resurrected
Revolution will come standard with small asian wife/hooker who is also a maid
Sound output created in joint venture by THX and Bose, example shown was a train going by that actually caused one of the reporters to lose 50% of his hearing and caused a pregnant woman to go in to labor
50 watt penis pump
holographic projection gives the illusion of a 600 mile wide screen and everything is life-sized. the "Sword controller" was shown off during the demo of Zelda Revolution that is actually made of steel and is the Sword of evil's bane, one Microsoft executive who was in the room at the time of the demo burst in to flames and became a winged demon who then turned to salt.
Revolution will launch with 500 titles, all priced at $3 each. Nintendo was quoted as saying "Enough of this 50 bucks a pop business." Many of the games are being examined by top scientists around the world who believe the Nintendo Revolution might be using a technology that actually creates a "tunnel" in the universe, said one german scientist. "The universe tunnel is the theory that you can reach in to another universe with a solid A to B point of reference so that you can return safely." Nintendo had a stance of no comment when asked about the Universe Tunneling but did show off a version of Metroid where God appeared and gave us visions of the end of the world 5 billion years from now
Nintendo revolution also said to create immense cash flow for homes by actually doing an automatic fail-safe stock trading program while it's on. "we cant go in to details, but basically you become richer every time you play Revolution."
Power cord doubles as a Lasso of Truth, when used on Sony execs they will admit to being dirty dirty whores
More to come!