Let's have a TC reunion!!

[LukeIsTerrified]

Originally posted by Dark Jaguar
Besides, my first name isn't like "Kris" or some other name that doesn't reveal gender, it's a very gender-specific name, and I certainly don't wanna give anything that reveals my genetic structure, because then judgements on me based on something other than my idiotic beliefs start happening.

Most people online understand the desire to keep pretty much everything about one's real world identity a secret, so an online persona without bias can be formed

I have done extensive research (namely, read some posts) on the Dark Jaguar situation and I have come to the conclusion that only three scenarios are possible.

1) Dark Jaguar is a 22-year-old acne-covered loser who lives in his parents' basement, takes large doses of prescription drugs, and just got fired by McDonalds.

2) Dark Jaguar was Timothy McVeigh's one-time accomplice and feels he still has to lay low.

3) Dark Jaguar is a celebrity, terrified of revealing his true identity and being tracked down by adoring fans.

I feel that we ought to give Dark Jaguar the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is not a Loser or a Criminal, like Beck and Eminem before him. No, Dark Jaguar is a Celebrity (N Sync!). Which celebrity? Who can tell really. Let's bet on it.

Michael Jackson (Odds: 10-1) - There's definitely nothing genetically ambigious about the name "Michael" though the same cannot be said about the man himself. His constant appearance alterations parallel DJ's constant personality alternations closely. Not to mention that the desire to remain undiscovered, in light of a few recent documentaries, couldn't be higher for the one-time King of Pop.

Jewel (Odds: 20-1) - The facts almost fit together too well here. First of all, the gender card comes into play -- Dark Jaguar seems embarassed to admit that "he" might actually be a woman. Secondly, the name itself: Jewel. Only "Cher," "Madonna," and perhaps "The Pope" could be more distinctive and revealing. Third, there's the creativity level to consider. Could it possibly be true that two separate people are responsible for Jewel's poetry and Dark Jaguar's message board posts? The odds seem unlikely that two entirely anti-creative and anti-humourous minds could even co-exist. And finally, like MJ, the frequent changes in Jewel's public image could coincide with DJ's personality changes.

Hannibal Lecter (Odds: 50-1) - Again, the unique name comes into play, not to mention the clearly unstable state of Dark Jaguar's mind. The only question when considering this possibility is: Would Dark Jaguar take a bite out of your face? I believe the answer to this question is yes. I have seen no proof to the contrary, and this would explain why he has gone to such lengths to hide his identity. Now that he knows all of your first names, he will come to your homes and he will eat you.

Keanu Reeves (Odds: 100-1) - The reasoning here revolves around both the unique name and the personality aspect. Keanu Reeves has played an astounding variety of characters in film, from the engimatic Neo in The Matrix to the confused Kevin Lomax in The Devil's Advocate to the star quarterback Shane Falco in The Replacements. Yet in each role, he's still just lame old Keanu Reeves. Dark Jaguar? He's posted in an astounding variety of threads, but... well, I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

Bill Gates (Odds: 1000-1) - Could we be witnessing the efforts of the Microsoft king to identify with the various users of his products? Unlikely, but intriguing.

Beyonce Knowles (Odds: 1000000000-1) - If you were Beyonce Knowles, would you be posting on a Nintendo message board?