I covered myself in mineral oil

[Sacred Jellybean]

It's like I was back on the farm

That's not how you milk cows.

You have to stick your hand in the other end so they can't back-kick you, but sometimes they bite or sound out a special moo that attracts bulls to come spike your ass but the object is to get your hand down their throats before they can do that or vomit grass on you.