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+--- Thread: I covered myself in mineral oil (/showthread.php?tid=5699)
I covered myself in mineral oil - lazyfatbum - 26th April 2010
I instantly regretted my decision.
So while i'm drying off, how's everyone love life doing? I dated a red head who actually likes RPG's, but she's bi and only interested in open relationships (with men and girls)... haven't decided if its a bad thing yet.
I covered myself in mineral oil - Weltall - 26th April 2010
![[Image: 17609.jpg?v=1]](http://cdn-www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/6/0/9/17609.jpg?v=1)
I covered myself in mineral oil - Dark Jaguar - 26th April 2010
Trees are trying to impregnate my nose. I could do without the whole thing.
Was there any particular reason you did this? Did you fill a bathtub? How'd you afford all that? Doesn't your cell phone's screen tell you disgusting human skin generates more than enough oil on it's own? Seriously, cell phones are like the robot's way of saying "you truly are disgusting creatures".
I covered myself in mineral oil - Unreadphilosophy - 26th April 2010
Variety is the spice of life!
I covered myself in mineral oil - Sacred Jellybean - 26th April 2010
Open relationship? You know that's a recipe for disaster. It's something people like to try, since society has been tending towards sexual liberation, but most people can't handle it on a time scale of any significance and those who can are usually heartless and/or stupid.
Not to judge. <3
Mine has a little lonely. I was interested in a girl who likes Nintendo games and works with SQL at her office job (like meee!), but that didn't work out. I got a girl's number at a friend's party last night. She's cute, but I have to get to know her better before knowing if we'll be much compatible. If not, nothing wrong with a little casual dating.
I covered myself in mineral oil - lazyfatbum - 27th April 2010
It fucks me though, these shit eating bullshit cock suckers fucking with my heart and saying shit they dont mean just because they're lonely assholes.
I cant find a girl that can actually have a relationship. They either do this:
- A boyfriend is someone you have when you need attention.
Or this:
- I'm lonely, I should tell myself i'm in love.
Where is the women that want to have a friendship inside their relationship? I found a praying mantis today, it was boss. It could fly but come back to me because I had turkey (long story), it looked at me and moved its head in right-angles. I had no one to share it with! I showed it to my dog, he got jealous, i showed it to my cat and she cleaned her nipples. I was at the beach and saw a woman get a tiny paper boat to go out to sea so i asked her why and she said her dad passed away, we had an awesome conversation, I made a move and she says she couldn't date someone like me because i'm too caring and too insightful I thought for a second and called her a whore.
I dont like ladies. I dont like em one bit.
I covered myself in mineral oil - etoven - 27th April 2010
I think you should steal her skin and wear it as a trophy.
The nine penis god of raw demands it..
I covered myself in mineral oil - Unreadphilosophy - 27th April 2010
^Excuse me while I go vomit uncontrollably.
I covered myself in mineral oil - A Black Falcon - 27th April 2010
Lazy and etoven have that effect on people.
I covered myself in mineral oil - lazyfatbum - 5th May 2010
edit - ...what the fuck is a fatwa?
At least DJ dates people but she's only in to 'thick asians', I only saw koreans that are kinda thick but god the smell. Are you single? I could for a romp in the MPD spectrum of societal terrorism and I bet my loudness will make up for any gaps in the conversation. Do you like bonfires?
Etoven I count 5, does he has 4 more penises on his back? If so, please elaborate and piss off ABF who hasn't had a sexual thought since the last time he masturbated his dog while wearing his mother's underwear. Skin, eh? Kinky but a little too silence of the lambs for me, I wore a girl around my neck in to a Burger King but I wasn't dating her and she was pissed because I pantsed her at the mall. "I didn't wear underwear!" "I'm only 15!" "Who are you!" etc. It was fun except for the bruises. I'll stick to my bizarre fashion sense of destroyed denim and button down shirts if you dont mind.
btw anyone who's taking notes: dont date a girl who's in to fisting. It's real, it's scary. It's real scary. It's like I was back on the farm, in a weird way, I felt like I was part of Voltron.
I covered myself in mineral oil - lazyfatbum - 5th May 2010
...................................
I'm going to hate the answer.
.........
Etoven is that you in the picture?
I covered myself in mineral oil - Sacred Jellybean - 5th May 2010
Quote:It's like I was back on the farm
That's not how you milk cows.
You have to stick your hand in the other end so they can't back-kick you, but sometimes they bite or sound out a special moo that attracts bulls to come spike your ass but the object is to get your hand down their throats before they can do that or vomit grass on you.
I covered myself in mineral oil - lazyfatbum - 5th May 2010
Wait. Why are you putting your hand in a cow's mouth to get milk? Is that slang? WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ
I was talking about pulling a calf out of a cow, but now you have me all fucked up. I cant even imagine what you were doing to that cow.
I covered myself in mineral oil - Dark Jaguar - 6th May 2010
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l0iwd2E6zD1qz8z2ro1_500.png">
I covered myself in mineral oil - etoven - 6th May 2010
lazyfatbum Wrote:...................................No, way... I have live 50 god damn peni.
I'm going to hate the answer.
.........
Etoven is that you in the picture?
I covered myself in mineral oil - Sacred Jellybean - 6th May 2010
lazyfatbum Wrote:Wait. Why are you putting your hand in a cow's mouth to get milk? Is that slang? WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ
I was talking about pulling a calf out of a cow, but now you have me all fucked up. I cant even imagine what you were doing to that cow.
Neither could the cow.
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I covered myself in mineral oil - lazyfatbum - 10th May 2010
We need to hang out.