Welcome to Hell
#1
For whatever reason, I scrolled down and remembered we had a comics subforum for 5 minutes. I thought it'd be fun to make another one. The problem is, I can't draw for spit and would probably get too frustrated and bored halfway through the first panel, so you'll have to deal with words instead.

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Obes: sup jerks I'm OB1 and I have an unrelenting obsession with A Brian Falcon and I think it'd be super witty to draw bad sketches of him and make a voice recording of how I bet his stupid dumb nasally voice sounds like lmao amirite Grumbler

Grumbler: SEMNAT LOLOLOL

Falcon: Now OB1 I don't think that's a very appropriate thing to do. It is an irrational thing for a person to see a message board poster and make a comic about them! This troubles me greatly. It reminds me of the seven obscure video games I bought last week because I'm a crazy cat lady but with video games. If you'll consider the narrative prowess of

Obes: omg who cares dude, now here's eight paragraphs splitting hairs about what you just said because my job pays me to stay on TC all day and be a douchebag

Grumbler: Haha you tell'em, OB1! <3

lazyfatbum: hey guys is this where I post porn, anyone see any girls I can creep on, where'd Mapel Girl go Ubbfrown

Dark Jaguar: [insert satirical comment here because DJ is un-lampoonable, I got nothing]

Falcon: It's also an important point to note that with regards to Nintendo's relationship with third party Hudson Soft at the time that employees and fanbase were alike dissatisfied with the product that upper management rushed out, so

Bean: You guys I didn't read anything that you said but here's a reply based on what you probably said idk reading is hard, pass the bong, LEGALIZE WEED, one time I was stoned and

Falcon: [insert Charlie Brown trumpet because I haven't yet perfected my Markov Chain of tedious video game trivia, plus Falcon's also kind of unlampoonable, I'm really just spitballing here, wait, okay, I think the Charlie Brown trumpet in the comics kinda looked like] (fill the rest of the dialog bubble with lines)

Dark Jaguar: Glad I didn't get that treatment... *posts youtube video*

lazyfatbum: one time I wrote ideas about action figures and sent them to this company and they stole my ideas >:( Don't get me started on the dozens of scripts I sent out and months later started seeing my plots and characters show up in Hollywood movies. That's why I traveled out there and spent a week sleeping on the floor with 6 other people in a studio apartment and eating peanut butter.

Dark Jaguar: Did you drink the grape juice straight from the bottle?

Bean: GRAPE JUICE AND PEANUT BUTTER, GIMME

Falcon: But then in May of 1999, Nintendo struck a deal with an unlikely partner,

nickdaddyg: hay guiz I lift weights and sometimes I hit myself if I don't do good Ubbfrown *

(at the bottom of the panel): * lmao no really he said this once, I wish I knew where the post was, but it was way back in the day

OB1: Guys have you seen my little brother around? I don't want him knowing I'm a douche, please revise history to pretend I wasn't a douche, what if he finds me Ubbfrown

Grumbler: You can be Bo Jackson instead lmao this is still funny right?

OB1: LOL!! fuckn' right, kid

Falcon: Guys, are you listening? This is good stuff.

Dark Jaguar: I'm listening. I'm the only one who reads your posts.

OB1: That's because you're the only one who still visits this place except for beanjo and he's functionally retarded

Bean: HAH! But only functionally! I can quit any time I want.

OB1's Little Brother: KONICHIWA, FRIENDS!! That's Japanese for hello ^-^ I was just trawling through random obscure message boards that I found on google-

lazy: GOOGLE has us listed??

OB1's Little Brother: nah fam, I found it in big bro's internet history, holy shit the things I've seen

OB1: Get OUTTA HERE, DEREK!  MOOOMMMM!!!

OB1's Little Brother: AH! Hello, big brother! Genki desu ka? ^-^ I sure hope you haven't been up to any monkey business! Mom's gonna get mad and kick you out the basement!

OB1: It's a FINISHED basement, and it's my room, it has my katanas and shut up I HATE YOU, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM GUYS, I DON'T LIVE AT HOME

lazyfatbum: cool, can I have your old room then, I have a lot of crusty old socks, can your mom wash them

OB1's Little Brother: Oh... oh dear! This is very bad posting, OB1! I am very disappointed in you. YOU HAVE DISGRACED THE FAMILY NAME, DISHONORABLE BUFFOON! COMMIT SEPPUKU LIKE A REAL MAN!

Bo Jackson: He's not the real OB1. I am! He stole my name!

OB1's Little Brother: Whoa! Why are you black now, big brother?

Bo Jackson: AND a four sport athlete

Grumbler: And he's SEMNAT LMAOOOOO!!! SODOMY ENSUES!!

Bo Jackson: shut up kid, trying to impress my little brother here, go play in traffic

Grumbler: WAAAHHH!!!

Bo Jackson: Anyway, that other guy was an imposter, he's white while I've always been black, I had vitiligo and Jesus-by-praised it's gone, how you like having a cool big brother now?

OB1's Little Brother: oh thank god, that last guy was a douchebag, glad the foundation sent a new one, Mom was about to go and raise hell

OB1's Mom: YOUNG MAN!!! What have I told you about dressing up in blackface?!

OB1: fuck, the jig is up Ubbfrown

OB1's Mom: Don't call them jigs!

Justin Trudeau: Seriously dude, what the fuck

nickdaddyg: Go easy on OB1, maybe he's not really racist, maybe he just thinks Hitler did some good things for Germany and kind of admires him for that Ubbfrown

Laser Link: go shit in your hat, kid

Bean: Holy shit, when did you get here?

Laser Link: I didn't. Jesus struck me dead for proselytizing video game enthusiasts across the internet. Apparently it's some obscure sin. They didn't teach that in Sunday School. Ubbfrown

lazyfatbum: *bares nipples* ACK-SHULLY, I DID read my bible, unlike you, and after I got done fapping to Genesis I read that eternal damnation is converting your physical body into pure data and shoving it into the internets, where you're doomed to roam all eternity in old, dead Nintendo message boards with the likes of miscreants like us

Bean: god NOOOO IT'S WORSE THAN THE FIERY PITS OF MORDOR

lazyfatbum: shut up kid, this isn't LoTR

Falcon: Now while the PS2 LoTR game, which I bought for $3 because I am insane, has somewhat clunky controls, if you look closely you'll find Easter Eggs from Peter Jackson in the third cavern to the left about 47 paces past the gate of

OB1: SHUT UP NO ONE CARES BRIAN

OB1's Mother: Son! Stop trying to assert your dominance through a message board, god how did I raise such a goober, you take after your Dad

OB1's Little Brother: Yeah, you take after The Dark Prince!

OB1's Mother: And YOU stop being a little sycophant, other son. No one likes a toolbox.

Grumbler: Yeah! Knock that off! Right OB1? We're still cool, right?

OB1: I swear I don't know this guy

Grumbler: WAHHHH

OB1's Mom: Young man, you're coming home and selling those shitty thrift store katanas and moving out

OB1's Little Brother: Can I have his room?

OB1's Mom: 'Soon as the delousing is done

OB1's Little Brother: That's not lice, that's genital scabies! I walked in on him fapping!

Dark Jaguar: ...ew

lazyfatbum: for real, I don't want that room anymore, even if your mom is kinda hot

OB1's Mom pulls him by the ear and leads him into a portal to hell. Brother skips behind.

Grumbler: Can... can I come with you...?

Laser Link: Alright fuckers, I'm off to Nintendojo, then I'm gonna punch god in the face

Falcon: although minute details aside, what most people don't know about Ubisoft is their brief business deal with Acclaim contained a clause in the contract such that their development split between Sony and Nintendo legally compelled them to

Dark Jaguar: Well, he's better than OB1

Bean: What's that voice? Do I have a tumor?

lazyfatbum: no but come over here and suck my dick while I tell you all about my proto-incel thoughts about women, take this one fucking whore on the beach wouldn't give me her number

~fin~
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#2
That's not inaccurate.  Though recently you should probably have a picture of me wearing a green beret and chanting about the revolution, because apparently that's what's been happening to me.  Help!  I'm lucid for the moment but the Bernie bros are going to drag me back into the rehabilitation chamber any moment~

Anyway, I'd love to hear more about ABF's obscure game company related trivia over a keenly felt sense of self satisfaction and straight up lemonade without sweetener.

(But seriously, what the heck happened to lazyfatbum and all that crazy stuff he was spouting about women near the end? And why was Darunia always trying to convince us how smart Hitler was?)
"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." ~ Charles Babbage (1791-1871)
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