30th September 2004, 10:10 PM
Ah, The Critic...these are all somewhat paraphrased so forgive me if they're a little off.
Critic: Tim Allen delivers the same likeable performance which may not win awards, but keeps America smiling. How was that?
Gene Siskel: ...You're Satan, aren't you?
Critic: (transforms into Satan) You win this round, Siskel! *dissolves into floor*
Jay: Danger was around every corner.
*flashback to Jay and company riding across desert on camels*
Guard: Halt! To go forward you must solve the riddle of the Sphinx!
*everybody looks nervous*
Guard: Why did the boy...throw the clock out the window?
Arabian: He wanted to see time fly.
Guard: Okay, okay, okay, that was an easy one.
*day turns to dusk, guard pulls cup out of Sphinx nose and reads it*
Guard: When is a door...not a door:
Other Arabain: When it is ajar!
*Guard checks cup, the crushes it*
*dusk turns to night*
Guard: What do you call a vegetable who sings?
Jay: Elvis Parsley.
Guard: I also would have accepted Frank Asparagus. *reaches for another cup*
Jay: Oh what is the point of all this??
Guard: I'm so lonely...
Man in chariot: Spartacus, we've rid the chariot of the Centurion.
Spartacus: Then let's rock and <i>ROLL!!</i>
Orson Welles: Rosebud...yes, Rosebud frozen peas. Chock full of country goodness and green penis. Oh that's terrible, I quit. Jut a handful for the road. *walks offscreen munching* Oh what luck, there's a french fry stuck in my beard. *munching sounds* Oh yeah....
Reporter: What is your response to critics who say that this marraige is just an outrageous publicity stunt ot help your campaign?
Duke: I say GAZE into the hypnotic power, of my evil eye!
*creepy music plays*
Duke: Is there a follow-up question?
Reporter: *in monotone voice* How may I serve you, evil one?
Duke: I say slip her the money without her knowing. The best charity is always anonymous.
Jay: What about that?
*points out the window to Duke Phillips Hospital*
Duke Statue: All hail Duke! Duke is life! All hail Duke! Duke is life! All -- *pigeon flies into mouth*
Duke: Pigeons seem to like the sound of my -- *pigeon flies into Duke's mouth*
Oh, what a great show. Such a shame that such a hilarious show was so short lived. Beofre it's time I guess.
Critic: Tim Allen delivers the same likeable performance which may not win awards, but keeps America smiling. How was that?
Gene Siskel: ...You're Satan, aren't you?
Critic: (transforms into Satan) You win this round, Siskel! *dissolves into floor*
Jay: Danger was around every corner.
*flashback to Jay and company riding across desert on camels*
Guard: Halt! To go forward you must solve the riddle of the Sphinx!
*everybody looks nervous*
Guard: Why did the boy...throw the clock out the window?
Arabian: He wanted to see time fly.
Guard: Okay, okay, okay, that was an easy one.
*day turns to dusk, guard pulls cup out of Sphinx nose and reads it*
Guard: When is a door...not a door:
Other Arabain: When it is ajar!
*Guard checks cup, the crushes it*
*dusk turns to night*
Guard: What do you call a vegetable who sings?
Jay: Elvis Parsley.
Guard: I also would have accepted Frank Asparagus. *reaches for another cup*
Jay: Oh what is the point of all this??
Guard: I'm so lonely...
Man in chariot: Spartacus, we've rid the chariot of the Centurion.
Spartacus: Then let's rock and <i>ROLL!!</i>
Orson Welles: Rosebud...yes, Rosebud frozen peas. Chock full of country goodness and green penis. Oh that's terrible, I quit. Jut a handful for the road. *walks offscreen munching* Oh what luck, there's a french fry stuck in my beard. *munching sounds* Oh yeah....
Reporter: What is your response to critics who say that this marraige is just an outrageous publicity stunt ot help your campaign?
Duke: I say GAZE into the hypnotic power, of my evil eye!
*creepy music plays*
Duke: Is there a follow-up question?
Reporter: *in monotone voice* How may I serve you, evil one?
Duke: I say slip her the money without her knowing. The best charity is always anonymous.
Jay: What about that?
*points out the window to Duke Phillips Hospital*
Duke Statue: All hail Duke! Duke is life! All hail Duke! Duke is life! All -- *pigeon flies into mouth*
Duke: Pigeons seem to like the sound of my -- *pigeon flies into Duke's mouth*
Oh, what a great show. Such a shame that such a hilarious show was so short lived. Beofre it's time I guess.
The Earthworker Race has ended. Everybody wins.