THE GREAT STORY THREAD

[Darunia]

I know you all love my Goron-themed stories. Everyone takes turns adding onto and modifying this story thread. I'll go first.


SCENE: A tributary of the Amazon. The sun has set. A handful of Goron troops of the 9th Chasseurs sit around a campfire.

PRIVATE McGoron: The sun has set... what are we doing here, in the midst of this untamed jungle?

PRIVATE Goronson: That's not for us to know. His Excellency has sent us here. As long as Colonel VonGöron knows, we don't need to.

(Colonel VonGöron walks by, his gloved hands clasped behind his back. He bears a dignified, aristocratic air.)

VonGöron: A little less chatter! You all keep your eyes open! We're not exactly in friendly territory here. At any moment, we could be ambushed...

McGoron: By whom, isn't this a dense and remote rainforest?

VonGöron: Yes, and I know what---

(VonGöron's face contorts, and he falls dead into the fire.)

Goronson: It's an ambush!

[Weltall]

SCENE: Castle Von Weltall, somewhere in the East. A thunderstorm rages above the parapets.

VON WELTALL: Washington, come.

(A well-dressed man stands beside Von Weltall, staring straight ahead)

WASHINGTON: I am here.

VON WELTALL: News from the Amazon?

WASHINGTON: Operation Rockbottom has commenced.

(Von Weltall strokes his cat, MR. SCRUFFY)

VON WELTALL: Excellent. Keep me appraised.

[Darunia]

MECHA-WALKEN: What are you doin' in my part of the rain forest, you mooks?

Goronson: Eegads! FIFTY-foot tall mechanical Christopher Walken! Now we're fucked!

(The Gorons open fire, inflicting some damage to the collosal monstrosity--yet, it lunges forward at them from out of the dense jungle, stepping on them, and hurtling them with the greatest of ease.

(The Goron troops are killed, or routed away.)

MECHA-WALKEN: There. That ought to make my boss happy. Baadda-bing.

(Exit Mecha-Walken)

Goronson: It's up to me to follow that evil thing back into its lair and find out whats going on!

[Weltall]

VON WELTALL: Washington, you did program our "son" to retreat to the specified location, did you not?

WASHINGTON: Yes, sir. Mecha-Walken is currently en route to Goron City as we speak.

VON WELTALL: Splendid! Before it arrives, would you be so kind as to initiate Program 32? I believe it's time to light a few fires and dance in their gimlet glow.

WASHINGTON: It shall be done.

++MEANWHILE++

GARDNER: They can't be serious! It'll never work!

[Darunia]

In the 1500 years of the glorious and grand Empire no enemy has ever been foolish enough to dare attack the Goron capital city. It's never been done, and most say it cannot be done.

(Out of the depths of the Pacific ocean, having traversed the great sea by foot, steps Mecha-Walken. Totally undaunted by the great task it has just completed, it stomps its way up the sandy beaches on the western shores of the Goron Empire, and begins to wreak havoc.)

(Local units of the Goron 72nd Hussars are dispatched to intercept and, if possible, slow the advance of the mechanical evil)

(6,500 mounted Hussars charge bravely at Mech-Walken.)

Mech-Walken.: What's this? You disrespect me? You don't know who yer fucking with. I'm fucking Christopher Walken.

(Uses Fire Breath to scorch the charging cavalry; they are routed with moderate casualties)

(Mech-Walken continues towards Goron City.)

General Gorrison: He advances undaunted.

Darunia (balling fists): Impossible! How is this? Where the fuck did it come from?

General Gaspard de Tuily: We believe this is the same mechanical monstrosity that blasted its way out of the Amazon, where our advanced unit was conducting Operation Arctic Thunder.

Darunia: Who could have sent it? And why? Everyone knows we Gorons are a peace-loving people!

Gorrison: Well, m'lord, we have reason to believe that it may have been Weltall.

(Darunia's visage darkens.)

Darunia (Growling): Weltal... my old nemesis... back to his bellicose old ways. And this time, he means to destroy all of Goron City, no less. Well, if it's war he wants, it is war that he shall have! Execute a full mobilization. Recall all global occupation units.

Gorrison: To do that, m'lord, we will have to withdraw from our occupied zones in Tendo City and Denmark.

Gaspard: What? Withdraw from Tendo City, after we only JUST won victory there through the Great Rumbler Pact of Steel?

Darunia: I know. The thought gives me shudders. But we can always reconquer Tendo City. But Goron City must not fall. All depends upon it. Gentlemen, you have your orders!