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[lazyfatbum]

From IGN:

Iwata explains 'new business model'
The future of Nintendo?

by Matt Casamassina

July 13, 2005 - Early today we received a press release from Nintendo that went out to all stock holders explaining a "new business model" for the company. Here's an excerpt of the release.

"Also I am much being lesbian without my mother. Iwata STRONG, Iwata FAST, too many types of pancakes (Nintendo) for Iwata to enjoy. Now one Monday morning I got up late and there were these monkies outside the gate the guard tried to stop them but he had no luck the monkies got free and they ran amok. I dunno what to say the monkies wont do. Dunno what to say the monkies wont do. (ed=I dunno what to say the monkies wont do.) Dunno what to say the monkies wont do. My office was run by the studio nurse I came down stairs and what could be worse? the monkies was doing a crazy dance they put buggies in my underpants. I Dunno what to say the monkies wont do (Matt interrupted, Dunno what to say the monkies wont do), Monkies dance and I dance too, Dunno what to say the monkies wont do. I ran outside to get a stick but I’m telling you friends those monkies was quick cuz when I returned, but to my disgrace, those monkies had the nurse in a mad embrace. I dunno what to say the monkies wont do for a nickel I’ll give you a clue (I didn't know your eyes were blue) I dunno what to say the monkies wont do."

"Shigeru Miyamoto-san envites you to his bikini... for many hours. Executive producer of pubic hair, that's good. Have you seen my bush? Call it El Presidente! Vomit, Prime Minister? Yes, (Xbox360 is for non-game players). I saw women naked once (no A and B button, no control stick). Reggie has clam face, I call him Clam Face. I hit him hard because of his clam face. (Gameboy Advance Micro)"

"...I went to me bath for a shower and shave the monkies gonna put me in to my grave the entire bathroom was laid to waste and they shaved my head with minty toothpaste. I dunno what to say the monkies wont do (Dunno what to say the monkies wont do) They is crazy-nutso I’m telling you. Dunno what to say the monkies wont do. Then by this time I was feeling dread, they was using a shoe brush to shine me head, I asked them to leave but they stayed around - they pulled the chain and WEE! I went down. I dunno what to say the monkies wont do. Dunno what to say the monkies wont do. Call my lawyer, I’m ready to sue. Dunno what to say the monkies wont do."

"Nintendogs has four testicle(s). Square will add more dogs connectivity CONFUSE. But it is market share.... Chrono Trigger."

"...nudity and camera, kids to adults. Mario will use black people, Wizard is about to die No-No Densu Yuji-Naki Grandmother Rape Sim at launch...."

"...When me patience ran out and I’m telling you sure; Tomorrow I show those monkies the door and if they dont leave I’m inviting you to my house for dumplings and monkey stew. I Dunno what to say the monkies wont do. Dunno what to say the monkies wont do. Now I’m in the stew... oh poo. Dunno what to say the monkies wont do. Watch out for monkies I’m telling you! (dunno what to say the monkies wont do)"

Flowers Love other Flowers
I Want to be a New Flower
Angel Kiss… Flower Die
My Lunch is Gone
Where is my Flower?
Where is my Lunch?
The Angel Knows

~Iwata