27th April 2005, 4:18 PM
From IGN Cube.
Exclusive: Nintendo Drops a Bomb
Read At Your Own Risk...
by Matt Casamassina
April 27, 2005 - You may want to sit down for this one. Just moments ago we had an exclusive sit down with designer producer/director Shigeru Miyamoto. The interview sprang up this morning after we got word of a possible delay from Nintendo France. What followed in the interview can only be described as a nightmare.
It begins with a rumor that was blurbed in EGM with their exclusive Zelda info, that Princess Zelda was 'A Fox' in the game. This spun many rumors of its own, including the rumor of being able to transform Link's horse in to different animals. But nothing could have prepared us for the truth.
Miyamoto: "It was our choice to take Zelda GCN in to a different direction. We felt that releasing another Zelda title on the Game Cube with such a different art style would confuse players."
He continues his statements while the new artwork and screens of the new 'Zelda' are projected behind him. One picture showcased Gannondorf holding a blaster rifle. Everyone at the table tensed up.
Miyamoto: The universe we created for Zelda GCN just seemed more conducive to the Star Fox one. I want to make every game a Star fox game. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I’m Japanese."
The artwork shows Link piloting an Arwing, on foot, and in a Landmaster tank. One shot shows that the transformation is already underway, as Link has a tail or in some cases is hitting on Krystal who is now completely nude it seems. Some characters from other games make an appearance as well including Pyramid Heads from the Silent Hill series and Garfield, who was throwing pans of lasagna at giant insect mutant robots. We asked Miyamoto what the fuck he was thinking and he responded bluntly.
Miyamoto: Yeah, I can pretty much do whatever I want. You should see my living room. I have posters of your mom everywhere; Nude and inviting. I likey, Mr. USA. I likey your mommy. But so, yeah Star fox is the greatest game I ever made period and probably the best game in the world and Namco took a dump on it the cocks, so it only makes sense that I would put the characters in every game I make from now on. The one Namco made sucked ass so hard, so I’m taking this opportunity to do it my way, the best way, the Miyamoto way. I will also change the title, I will call it Star Fix and that is what I intend to do. The greatest crossbreeding ever - the bastard red-headed step child of Zelda and Star Fox. Even the Triforce will have fur-shading."
The once attentively titled 'Zelda GCN' (now 'Star Fix' according to Nintendo and Shigeru Miyamoto) had a tentative release date of Christmas of this year, but one could only assume the new direction will push it back. Namco's Star fox: Assault is also being pulled from shelves at the request of Miyamoto who exclaimed: "The shit stank, I cried like an elderly person, lost my key chain because I threw it I was so angry and all hope had died in me like an aborted fetus. I loved that key chain alot, do you know how hard it is to find good Lolicon keychains with painted nipples or real satin panties? Fucking hard. That's how hard."
In my opinion, this is not a smart move..... oh hell, it's the dumbest fucking thing Nintendo could do to our beloved Zelda. But Miyamoto had a closing statement after making the announcement of the new direction for Zelda. We won’t host the pictures on our site, so if you want to see them you'll have to go somewhere else. Many of us at IGN are considering new careers... I always fancied myself as an erotic dancer... seriously. I'm not all that bad looking. After the interview was over, Miyamoto got up on the table wearing a paper hat and swinging an invisible sword. he looked right in to my eyes and exclaimed: "I killed Gumpie Yokoi because he's a little hooker. A little Virtual Boy failure making hooker and I hate his stupid face so I killed him dead."
I'm still wiping my tears away.
This is a very, very dark day for us all.
Exclusive: Nintendo Drops a Bomb
Read At Your Own Risk...
by Matt Casamassina
April 27, 2005 - You may want to sit down for this one. Just moments ago we had an exclusive sit down with designer producer/director Shigeru Miyamoto. The interview sprang up this morning after we got word of a possible delay from Nintendo France. What followed in the interview can only be described as a nightmare.
It begins with a rumor that was blurbed in EGM with their exclusive Zelda info, that Princess Zelda was 'A Fox' in the game. This spun many rumors of its own, including the rumor of being able to transform Link's horse in to different animals. But nothing could have prepared us for the truth.
Miyamoto: "It was our choice to take Zelda GCN in to a different direction. We felt that releasing another Zelda title on the Game Cube with such a different art style would confuse players."
He continues his statements while the new artwork and screens of the new 'Zelda' are projected behind him. One picture showcased Gannondorf holding a blaster rifle. Everyone at the table tensed up.
Miyamoto: The universe we created for Zelda GCN just seemed more conducive to the Star Fox one. I want to make every game a Star fox game. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I’m Japanese."
The artwork shows Link piloting an Arwing, on foot, and in a Landmaster tank. One shot shows that the transformation is already underway, as Link has a tail or in some cases is hitting on Krystal who is now completely nude it seems. Some characters from other games make an appearance as well including Pyramid Heads from the Silent Hill series and Garfield, who was throwing pans of lasagna at giant insect mutant robots. We asked Miyamoto what the fuck he was thinking and he responded bluntly.
Miyamoto: Yeah, I can pretty much do whatever I want. You should see my living room. I have posters of your mom everywhere; Nude and inviting. I likey, Mr. USA. I likey your mommy. But so, yeah Star fox is the greatest game I ever made period and probably the best game in the world and Namco took a dump on it the cocks, so it only makes sense that I would put the characters in every game I make from now on. The one Namco made sucked ass so hard, so I’m taking this opportunity to do it my way, the best way, the Miyamoto way. I will also change the title, I will call it Star Fix and that is what I intend to do. The greatest crossbreeding ever - the bastard red-headed step child of Zelda and Star Fox. Even the Triforce will have fur-shading."
The once attentively titled 'Zelda GCN' (now 'Star Fix' according to Nintendo and Shigeru Miyamoto) had a tentative release date of Christmas of this year, but one could only assume the new direction will push it back. Namco's Star fox: Assault is also being pulled from shelves at the request of Miyamoto who exclaimed: "The shit stank, I cried like an elderly person, lost my key chain because I threw it I was so angry and all hope had died in me like an aborted fetus. I loved that key chain alot, do you know how hard it is to find good Lolicon keychains with painted nipples or real satin panties? Fucking hard. That's how hard."
In my opinion, this is not a smart move..... oh hell, it's the dumbest fucking thing Nintendo could do to our beloved Zelda. But Miyamoto had a closing statement after making the announcement of the new direction for Zelda. We won’t host the pictures on our site, so if you want to see them you'll have to go somewhere else. Many of us at IGN are considering new careers... I always fancied myself as an erotic dancer... seriously. I'm not all that bad looking. After the interview was over, Miyamoto got up on the table wearing a paper hat and swinging an invisible sword. he looked right in to my eyes and exclaimed: "I killed Gumpie Yokoi because he's a little hooker. A little Virtual Boy failure making hooker and I hate his stupid face so I killed him dead."
I'm still wiping my tears away.
This is a very, very dark day for us all.