1Up: Microsoft's Allard on Xbox 2, the HD era, and Nintendo's Reggie.

[Great Rumbler]

Previously, on Not Without Our XBox...

Seamus> HELLLLOOOO JAPAN!

Board> ...

Seamus> Do you... see... this table? This table is not a table. This table is ART.

Board> *yells in Japanese to the translator*

Translator> I do not know what he means!

Seamus> The XBox... is like this. You pick it up, and hold it in the air, and it... BLENDS... in with the sky. Art, people.

Board> ...

*doors to the room fly open*

J Allard> WAAAASSSSSSSSSS...

We now return you to the thrilling continuation...

Allard> SSSSSSSUUUUUUPPPPPPPP!! HOW ARE MY DAWGS DOIN UP IN THIS PIECE?

Board> Is it time for lunch already?

Translator> No, in America, “Dogs” is an expression for… compatriots.

Allard> FO SHIZZLE! BBBWWWAAAAAAA!!!!

Board> …

Allard> *violently moves head left and right with his tongue sticking out*



Translator> Hmm… yes, ok. Mr. Satoru would like to know, why are you smiling?

Allard> Cause I’m just keeping it real, homie. Check this out! Yo, my name is J, no one is better, try to find someone with a name that’s a letter. At Hiroshima, we kicked your-

Seamus> J! Enough!

Allard> I’m just keeping it real, Tresspasser. So homies, lets get on tha down low. We want your support, natch.

Translator> Mr. Satoru says that he is wary of the potential success of the X-Box in Japan. He says that Japanese gamers prefer more traditional games like RPG’s, instead of First Person games, like Halo.

Allard> … did he just say Halo sucks?

Translator> Err, no, I think he meant-

Allard> *jumps up on table* DID YOU JUST SAY HALO SUCKS, BITCH?



Allard> Are you laughing at me? Are you about to laugh?



Allard> …



Allard> You better watch yourself, Japan, because I will kick your ass.

Ed Fries> You…. you can leave now, J.

Allard> PEACE OUT, YO! Hey Bill, how’d I do?



Bill Gates> I’m…. going to skin you… alive…. and wear your skin.

Allard> Word to that.

Ed Fries> o….k, at this point I would like to bring a special guest speaker, a man who is developing exclusive content for the Xbox. Mr. Lorne Lanning! Mr. Lanning is a VERY respected developer.



Blackley> STOP LAUGHING! HE IS! Please come in Lorne.

Lorne Lanning> Hello everybody. Are we all feeling…. sexy… today?

Board> …

Lanning> Love your body like I love mine. Like this.



Lanning> Mmmmmmm.

Ed Fries> Lorne… are you drunk?

Lanning> No.



Blackley> This is a disaster…

Translator> The board would like to know what Mr. Lanning’s specialty is.

Lanning> Art. The Xbox is art. My games, my Odyssey games, are art. You Japanese folk could learn a thing or two when it comes to art, you know. Munch is an experience in the transcelestial endeavors of the visual dialect of a GENIUS. That genius, is me. Only with the power of the Xbox can I double over like this, and suck my own-



Bill Gates> THAT’S IT! SEND IN PLAN… B!

Ed Fries> Are you sure that’s a wise move sir??

Blackley> When I look at you, Bill, I look inside your mouth. I see power and beauty. Your teeth are deadly soldiers, lined up to do battle, while your tonsils only want peace. A mascarade of brilliance and sorrow. A work. Of ART.

Ed Fries> Sir, I REALLY don’t think Plan B is such a good idea.

Bill Gates> It’s too late. He’s already been let out of the cage. The Licker has been unleashed, and he is headed your way.

Translator> WHAT IS THIS HORROR YOU SPEAK OF??

Ed Fries> Ok, everyone calm down. We need to get out of this room and evacuate the building as quickly as possible. We don’t have much time, as-

*the doors burst open*

Ed Fries> Oh dear lord in heaven.



Ed Fries> N-nobody move. He can't see us if we don't move.

Steve Ballmer> ALRIGHT PEOPLE, THIS IS WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO! PUT DOWN THE CHOPSTICKS AND PICK UP YOUR BALLS, BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO @#%$ LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY! THE XBOX IS A MOTHER @#%$ REVOLUTIONARY PIECE OF MACHINERY, NOT UNLIKE OTHER BREAKTHROUGHS YOUR COUNTRY HAS DISCOVERED, LIKE THE SILK WORM, OR GODZILLA! THE XBOX IS A GOD!! THE XBOX IS YOUR GOD!!

Translator> Please! Do not hurt us! We will give in to your demands. We will give you Onimusha! Please, just spare us!

Bill Gates> Deal.

Steve Ballmer> WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!



Ballmer> NOW LETS GET DRUNK LIKE LITTLE SCHOOL GIRLS!!!

And everything ended happily ever after. Until February 22nd. The end.