8th July 2004, 4:55 PM
(This post was last modified: 8th July 2004, 9:17 PM by Dark Jaguar.)
It's the saddest thing ever... Yeah!
We didn't do much in the civil war (didn't even exist), nor the foundation of the land... nor did we offer anything other states didn't offer more of during WW1 or WW2, nor has a single president ever come from here... Um...
Well, one of the people from this state blew up one of our own buildings! That got us on the map for a bit...
Yeah, the indian thing is about it... Learning Oklahoma State History is certainly more likely than any other state history to make you cynical about state pride in any way shape or form. Natives, we'll let you live on this land so long as the grass is green and so on and so forth. Yeah we said that about the last state, and normally yes that would mean something.... now get in there *jams natives into state with long pole*
(Note, we gave them this land only because, at the time, we thought it was worthless wasteland not fit for any kind of life, there's your ecological history :D.)
*Natives work and toil and through many hard years turn Oklahoma into a grand green land, with schools and everything, because they have our technology at this point.*
America: Wow, nice place ya got there can I.... oooh wow, ya know what? We made a mistake, you only get THIS half here. We get West Oklahoma. My bad.
Native: But, but... we not done with this half yet and we work many moons and so on.
Native2: *slap* Sorry, he no good with grammar yet. We thought we'd keep it until the grass died and the water dried up! That's what you said!
America: Look look, you still have it, just only that half... ...Look, the thing is, this half, the part we want is... haunted!
Natives: Haunted?
America: Yes, yes it is. By the ghost of Dracula.... Frankenstein... Dracenstein... Yeah, Dracenstein, and he craves electric blood, which you guys have, because you aren't QUITE as human as us and...... look just get out because I told you to do it!
Natives: ....okay.... But only because we're pretty sure you're legit about this whole haunting thing... *magically teleports to other side of state with Bewitched sound effect*
America: Alright! Woo! Paaaartaaay! *wrecks entire western half of Oklahoma* ...Look this is good, we can still fix this... *lake burns down* Alright this frickin' sucks... *knocks on giant border door, they exist...*
Natives: *yawn* Yeah, what do you want... is what I would be saying, but you see you've kept us up for a good few years now with all that noise and we are very... VERY tired... I think all our decendants will now speak in a haulted tired sounding accent from this day forward because of you...
America: Look, it's okay, it wasn't us, we swear, it was... Texas... Um... anyway, can we crash over here? Our half is getting sprayed for bugs you see and...
Natives: No... Oh no... Bugs? You are spraying poison across an entire state for bugs? Think of the wildlife!
America: No, we don't think about that, because they don't, because they are DEAD. Yeah, funny thing, we got hungry, so we ate them all. What, ya wanna fight about it, because if you did, I would SO totally declare war on you, and not a court in the world would convict me!
Natives: ...I am getting so... so very angry right now... Are you telling me you ate EVERY SINGLE ANIMAL in that WHOLE area? I mean, that's millions upon millions of living things...
Americans: Well, a few hundred...
Natives: A few... hundred?
Americans: Well what did ya EXPECT?! They didn't HAVE anything to eat, not unless you want them to eat sand, huh, do ya, because that's ALL they got!
Natives: S...sand?
Americans: Yes! Duh! I mean, grass and trees are fine and all, but ya know, every golf course has that. We're Americans though, we're thinkers, innovaters. We thought "Hey, what if we had the world's BIGGEST golf course, and it was like... a huge sand trap?". Yes, we all agreed it wouldn't be playable, but it would be a STATEMENT, a political statement, satire of sorts, and if you looked at it a while and got it, I mean REALLY got into it...
Natives: You turned several thousand acres of good fertile land into DIRT? I'LL KILL you! I'll do it with my own bare hands! I swear... *smokes um peace pipe* Ugh, I am so frickin' upset with you right now... I gotta lay down...
Americans: EXACTLY! And you can do it, right over there! Because you know, staying over here, we don't really want you uh, you know, cramping up our style... Now get out.
Natives: You have... I mean, where to start... I really, really want to hurt you... You just don't even know... We made this... this land here...
Americans: Yes, you did, you did your job well, the one we set you out to do. You were good indians. Now, don't worry, we'll keep up our end of the bargain and let you stay on little camp grounds we have for you, wouldn't that be nice?
Natives: You barge into our land, kill us, force us into land you abandoned, later take some of it back, and now you want the rest, and to live on camps, and what, we get NOTHING? You ruined the land we made too! What is up with that?! I ask you!
Americans: Hey! Humans OWN the planet, we can do whatever we want... it's Biblical!
Natives: I READ that bible, I mean most of us HAD to, only a few by choice, and I would say God isn't exactly keen on ruining the land you know!
Americans: Ugh, you keep flapping your lips, listen, I don't care. Look, you see how I'm listening to you? I'm doing you a FAVOR here, and you can't even say thank you?
Natives: Alright THAT'S IT! *gets shoved into reservations*
Americans: *ruin the OTHER part of Oklahoma* Yeesh, well how was <i>I</i> supposed to know that burning the grass would make the grass not be there? *abandon land for a good long while during horrible dust bowl*
Natives: ....huh... *casts magic spells and things go back to normal*
Americans: Wow, nature just fixes itself eh? We'll need to remember that. Alright everyone back in the pool!
....Good... this is just great... Well then, what next... Hmm, the Americans don't seem to be very responsible, and don't really consider the future... and sorta leave major important things to fate... *snap* I'll sell them volcano insurance!
------------------------
DJ: And that's how the west was won!
Kid: But I don't get it, an indian never sold me insurance!
Kid B: Yeah, and wouldn't it have been funnier if that last thing lead to, you know, the whole native american casino thing?
DJ: NO! Now SHUT UP and go to bed! I swear kidnapping kids and selling them at road shows gets harder every year... OH NO!
*robots and lasers suddenly destroy everything*
We didn't do much in the civil war (didn't even exist), nor the foundation of the land... nor did we offer anything other states didn't offer more of during WW1 or WW2, nor has a single president ever come from here... Um...
Well, one of the people from this state blew up one of our own buildings! That got us on the map for a bit...
Yeah, the indian thing is about it... Learning Oklahoma State History is certainly more likely than any other state history to make you cynical about state pride in any way shape or form. Natives, we'll let you live on this land so long as the grass is green and so on and so forth. Yeah we said that about the last state, and normally yes that would mean something.... now get in there *jams natives into state with long pole*
(Note, we gave them this land only because, at the time, we thought it was worthless wasteland not fit for any kind of life, there's your ecological history :D.)
*Natives work and toil and through many hard years turn Oklahoma into a grand green land, with schools and everything, because they have our technology at this point.*
America: Wow, nice place ya got there can I.... oooh wow, ya know what? We made a mistake, you only get THIS half here. We get West Oklahoma. My bad.
Native: But, but... we not done with this half yet and we work many moons and so on.
Native2: *slap* Sorry, he no good with grammar yet. We thought we'd keep it until the grass died and the water dried up! That's what you said!
America: Look look, you still have it, just only that half... ...Look, the thing is, this half, the part we want is... haunted!
Natives: Haunted?
America: Yes, yes it is. By the ghost of Dracula.... Frankenstein... Dracenstein... Yeah, Dracenstein, and he craves electric blood, which you guys have, because you aren't QUITE as human as us and...... look just get out because I told you to do it!
Natives: ....okay.... But only because we're pretty sure you're legit about this whole haunting thing... *magically teleports to other side of state with Bewitched sound effect*
America: Alright! Woo! Paaaartaaay! *wrecks entire western half of Oklahoma* ...Look this is good, we can still fix this... *lake burns down* Alright this frickin' sucks... *knocks on giant border door, they exist...*
Natives: *yawn* Yeah, what do you want... is what I would be saying, but you see you've kept us up for a good few years now with all that noise and we are very... VERY tired... I think all our decendants will now speak in a haulted tired sounding accent from this day forward because of you...
America: Look, it's okay, it wasn't us, we swear, it was... Texas... Um... anyway, can we crash over here? Our half is getting sprayed for bugs you see and...
Natives: No... Oh no... Bugs? You are spraying poison across an entire state for bugs? Think of the wildlife!
America: No, we don't think about that, because they don't, because they are DEAD. Yeah, funny thing, we got hungry, so we ate them all. What, ya wanna fight about it, because if you did, I would SO totally declare war on you, and not a court in the world would convict me!
Natives: ...I am getting so... so very angry right now... Are you telling me you ate EVERY SINGLE ANIMAL in that WHOLE area? I mean, that's millions upon millions of living things...
Americans: Well, a few hundred...
Natives: A few... hundred?
Americans: Well what did ya EXPECT?! They didn't HAVE anything to eat, not unless you want them to eat sand, huh, do ya, because that's ALL they got!
Natives: S...sand?
Americans: Yes! Duh! I mean, grass and trees are fine and all, but ya know, every golf course has that. We're Americans though, we're thinkers, innovaters. We thought "Hey, what if we had the world's BIGGEST golf course, and it was like... a huge sand trap?". Yes, we all agreed it wouldn't be playable, but it would be a STATEMENT, a political statement, satire of sorts, and if you looked at it a while and got it, I mean REALLY got into it...
Natives: You turned several thousand acres of good fertile land into DIRT? I'LL KILL you! I'll do it with my own bare hands! I swear... *smokes um peace pipe* Ugh, I am so frickin' upset with you right now... I gotta lay down...
Americans: EXACTLY! And you can do it, right over there! Because you know, staying over here, we don't really want you uh, you know, cramping up our style... Now get out.
Natives: You have... I mean, where to start... I really, really want to hurt you... You just don't even know... We made this... this land here...
Americans: Yes, you did, you did your job well, the one we set you out to do. You were good indians. Now, don't worry, we'll keep up our end of the bargain and let you stay on little camp grounds we have for you, wouldn't that be nice?
Natives: You barge into our land, kill us, force us into land you abandoned, later take some of it back, and now you want the rest, and to live on camps, and what, we get NOTHING? You ruined the land we made too! What is up with that?! I ask you!
Americans: Hey! Humans OWN the planet, we can do whatever we want... it's Biblical!
Natives: I READ that bible, I mean most of us HAD to, only a few by choice, and I would say God isn't exactly keen on ruining the land you know!
Americans: Ugh, you keep flapping your lips, listen, I don't care. Look, you see how I'm listening to you? I'm doing you a FAVOR here, and you can't even say thank you?
Natives: Alright THAT'S IT! *gets shoved into reservations*
Americans: *ruin the OTHER part of Oklahoma* Yeesh, well how was <i>I</i> supposed to know that burning the grass would make the grass not be there? *abandon land for a good long while during horrible dust bowl*
Natives: ....huh... *casts magic spells and things go back to normal*
Americans: Wow, nature just fixes itself eh? We'll need to remember that. Alright everyone back in the pool!
....Good... this is just great... Well then, what next... Hmm, the Americans don't seem to be very responsible, and don't really consider the future... and sorta leave major important things to fate... *snap* I'll sell them volcano insurance!
------------------------
DJ: And that's how the west was won!
Kid: But I don't get it, an indian never sold me insurance!
Kid B: Yeah, and wouldn't it have been funnier if that last thing lead to, you know, the whole native american casino thing?
DJ: NO! Now SHUT UP and go to bed! I swear kidnapping kids and selling them at road shows gets harder every year... OH NO!
*robots and lasers suddenly destroy everything*
"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." ~ Charles Babbage (1791-1871)