19th April 2004, 1:01 PM
While we're wishing... i'd like to have edible coffee mugs.
I always hear of some show being "Number 1!" but I never even heard of it and then when I do watch it, I dont find it interesting/funny at all. All of what i'm going to consider your huge 'fresh' (unorthodox) comedy and drama hits like Curb your Enthusiasm, Sopranos, Sex in the City, South Park, Beavis and Butthead, The Simpsons etc all gained enitial popularity by word of mouth and the Nilesen's didn't even know they existed until they talked to some normal people who couldn't stop talking about them. They think people love the WB network for Charmed and that Superman ripoff so of course there are more shows like that in production now. Joy.
When and if we all switch over to HD and use micro waves to transmit the data (obliterating the FCC :D) you'll probably see every TV transmiting the data back to the source. You might see internal ratings boards for each television broadcaster who would then report all of their findings to Neilsen. Same solution, higher numbers, more accurate perception of demographics. But it wont really matter, broadcast television will always suck. TLC, History Channel, Discovery, HBO etc, that's where the good stuff is right now. Unless you're like "OMG CHANDLER KISSED RATCHEL AND NOW JOEY LOST HIS BUTT CHEEK IN MONICA'S HAIR OMG OMG LAST 3 EPISODES OMG". I mean, if i'm going to waste my time in front of the boob tube doing something other than playing video games or watching a DVD it better have a good reason for me to watch it.
And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go dream about being on an episode of Monster House and beating the fuck out of that dillrod who kept using styrofoam on everything. They have to LIVE THERE dude, you cant MAKE furniture out of STYROFOAM, it doesn't work that way, idiot! *puts on tool belt and parades around the apartment yelling at inanimate objects*
And now i'm on Mythbusters! *uses JLo's ass as a floatation device... and drowns* Myth BUSTED! WOOOO!
Now i'm on the History Channel!
Col. Patton: We will invade the Machurian Dynasty when the sun greets the moon.
Alexander the Great: wtf! I thought I told you NEVER piss off the Manchurians! What if the Ottoman empire finds out!?
George Washington: Fuck em! *uses a rail gun to defeat Ajax (played by Brad Pitt)*
Brad Pitt: ....is there no one else...? *explodes*
Troy: *bombs*
The Alamo: *bombs*
King Arthur: *does moderately well opening weekend, then bombs*
Steven Spielberg: *jumps on the Tom Hanks band wagon* *money* I LIKE it!
Tom Hanks: *tries to compose the 37 different characters he's created in his head and then explodes after being asked if he would be the gorilla in the King Kong remake*
Mel Gibson: *face painted blue*I know what women want! they want FREEDOM! and JESUS! *shows prosthetic ass, wiggles prosthetic penis and nails Helen Hunt to a cross*
James Horner: How on Earth am i able to spend 6 months on a brand new film score and still not make anything original!?
Hans Zimmer: JA HET MIDI HOU VAN JE! *dur*
John Williams: *scores Episode 3 by recording the Return of the Jedi soundtrack backwards* Ha... this should keep the little bastards happy for another year.
George Lucas: I haven't had a good idea in 20 years! hey Cameron, let's make a 3-D version of Spy Kids!
James Cameron: Hold on! I'm almost done with my television special: "The Myth of the Disaster and the Truths of Titanic: The Undespitued and Completely Factual Rantings of Old People who Can Barely Talk 3!"
Jefferson Wodsworth Von Moneydouche, Deck C - Suite 227: well, Martha wanted a bloody mary and I had alot of money so I went to the bar and got drunk and cheated on my wife eleven times that night. Then I saw a spaceship poop out a big piece of ice in the shape of London and I thought 'Hey... it's a good thing i'm not Irish or poor.' And then everyone died.
AMAZING!
Diaries of normal unimportant people who may have seen or even worked with important people at one time in their lives!
1876, June 5th 4:06 AM, Partly Cloudy with mild showers
The General asked me to take my shoes off today and i did without talking back to him for fear of his using the horses on me again. He took my shoes and wore them on his head, proclaiming "I'm an elephant! I'm an elephant on safari with a bunch of negros! look at me mommy and daddy!". As soon as he wasn't looking, I shot him directly in the head with a bow and arrow. Hopefully, they'll think an indian did it and they wont come after me. I'll resurface in a few years after hiding out north of Little Big Horn since no one goes there. I just hope they dont look for the General too soon because I only burried half of him... I thought it looked funny that way and it made me feel good. I also have welts on my anus. I think the General put them there too.
Sgt. Frank F. Tuplington of the US 7th Calvary under General George A. Custer.
You know it's true!
I always hear of some show being "Number 1!" but I never even heard of it and then when I do watch it, I dont find it interesting/funny at all. All of what i'm going to consider your huge 'fresh' (unorthodox) comedy and drama hits like Curb your Enthusiasm, Sopranos, Sex in the City, South Park, Beavis and Butthead, The Simpsons etc all gained enitial popularity by word of mouth and the Nilesen's didn't even know they existed until they talked to some normal people who couldn't stop talking about them. They think people love the WB network for Charmed and that Superman ripoff so of course there are more shows like that in production now. Joy.
When and if we all switch over to HD and use micro waves to transmit the data (obliterating the FCC :D) you'll probably see every TV transmiting the data back to the source. You might see internal ratings boards for each television broadcaster who would then report all of their findings to Neilsen. Same solution, higher numbers, more accurate perception of demographics. But it wont really matter, broadcast television will always suck. TLC, History Channel, Discovery, HBO etc, that's where the good stuff is right now. Unless you're like "OMG CHANDLER KISSED RATCHEL AND NOW JOEY LOST HIS BUTT CHEEK IN MONICA'S HAIR OMG OMG LAST 3 EPISODES OMG". I mean, if i'm going to waste my time in front of the boob tube doing something other than playing video games or watching a DVD it better have a good reason for me to watch it.
And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go dream about being on an episode of Monster House and beating the fuck out of that dillrod who kept using styrofoam on everything. They have to LIVE THERE dude, you cant MAKE furniture out of STYROFOAM, it doesn't work that way, idiot! *puts on tool belt and parades around the apartment yelling at inanimate objects*
And now i'm on Mythbusters! *uses JLo's ass as a floatation device... and drowns* Myth BUSTED! WOOOO!
Now i'm on the History Channel!
Col. Patton: We will invade the Machurian Dynasty when the sun greets the moon.
Alexander the Great: wtf! I thought I told you NEVER piss off the Manchurians! What if the Ottoman empire finds out!?
George Washington: Fuck em! *uses a rail gun to defeat Ajax (played by Brad Pitt)*
Brad Pitt: ....is there no one else...? *explodes*
Troy: *bombs*
The Alamo: *bombs*
King Arthur: *does moderately well opening weekend, then bombs*
Steven Spielberg: *jumps on the Tom Hanks band wagon* *money* I LIKE it!
Tom Hanks: *tries to compose the 37 different characters he's created in his head and then explodes after being asked if he would be the gorilla in the King Kong remake*
Mel Gibson: *face painted blue*I know what women want! they want FREEDOM! and JESUS! *shows prosthetic ass, wiggles prosthetic penis and nails Helen Hunt to a cross*
James Horner: How on Earth am i able to spend 6 months on a brand new film score and still not make anything original!?
Hans Zimmer: JA HET MIDI HOU VAN JE! *dur*
John Williams: *scores Episode 3 by recording the Return of the Jedi soundtrack backwards* Ha... this should keep the little bastards happy for another year.
George Lucas: I haven't had a good idea in 20 years! hey Cameron, let's make a 3-D version of Spy Kids!
James Cameron: Hold on! I'm almost done with my television special: "The Myth of the Disaster and the Truths of Titanic: The Undespitued and Completely Factual Rantings of Old People who Can Barely Talk 3!"
Jefferson Wodsworth Von Moneydouche, Deck C - Suite 227: well, Martha wanted a bloody mary and I had alot of money so I went to the bar and got drunk and cheated on my wife eleven times that night. Then I saw a spaceship poop out a big piece of ice in the shape of London and I thought 'Hey... it's a good thing i'm not Irish or poor.' And then everyone died.
AMAZING!
Diaries of normal unimportant people who may have seen or even worked with important people at one time in their lives!
1876, June 5th 4:06 AM, Partly Cloudy with mild showers
The General asked me to take my shoes off today and i did without talking back to him for fear of his using the horses on me again. He took my shoes and wore them on his head, proclaiming "I'm an elephant! I'm an elephant on safari with a bunch of negros! look at me mommy and daddy!". As soon as he wasn't looking, I shot him directly in the head with a bow and arrow. Hopefully, they'll think an indian did it and they wont come after me. I'll resurface in a few years after hiding out north of Little Big Horn since no one goes there. I just hope they dont look for the General too soon because I only burried half of him... I thought it looked funny that way and it made me feel good. I also have welts on my anus. I think the General put them there too.
Sgt. Frank F. Tuplington of the US 7th Calvary under General George A. Custer.
You know it's true!