11th February 2003, 7:40 PM
If I were in charge of marketing i'd put a commercial out that's entirely in Japanese and shows Link crawling through holes and showing off his green underoos - Zelda: WW - "Underwear simulator" and have commentary simmilar to that of Iron Chef with Lewis Farrakahn, Arnold Swarzenegger, Wolf Blitzer and Pia Zadora. Then during the commercial, have another commercial inside it for Nintendo condoms featuring Nintendo's greatest characters, of which Donkey Kong's rubber would be 2 feet long and Yoshi's smells of fruit, etc. Then going back to the Iron Chef-like commercial, show an atomic bomb which kills countless people followed by a slow montage of different video game commercials from the past 20 years against a background of a beautifully rendered depiction of an asian Jesus drawing water from an ancient well while Barber's Adiagio for Strings plays.
And then the tag line:
"Zelda Wind Waker sucks and so do you." Followed by a high resolution picture of an old man sucking a Gamecube controller and weeping.
And then the tag line:
"Zelda Wind Waker sucks and so do you." Followed by a high resolution picture of an old man sucking a Gamecube controller and weeping.