19th August 2003, 4:11 AM
989
Having your bowels removed and replaced with bagpipes only to later find out it was just a pillow case with thirteen flutes stabbed through the thing so you have to reach up your own ass with a weed removal claw in a vain attempt at relieving yourself of your artificial bowels so that every time you take a shit, you aren't forced to sit through 15 minutes of poor 3rd grade playing of Jeremiah was a Bullfrog after you hear the final splot leave your slowly protracting orafice! Of course because you're using such a crude device you're bound to leave an infection (not to mention a complete lack of bowels) so you're going to have to take an alcohol swab, attach it to the end of a pine cone and swallow it in an attempt to not only relieve the bacterial infection that has surely occured within the depths of your innards, but so that next time you need to start a camp fire, you simply need to bend over and release the sweet sweet kindling that has been hidden inside your rectum low these many weeks! And THAT my friend is why you shouldn't start a lawnmower in a bikini.
![[Image: std1.gif]](http://itsa.ucsf.edu/~hclinic/handouts.dir/lowlit.dir/std.dir/std1.gif)
Having your bowels removed and replaced with bagpipes only to later find out it was just a pillow case with thirteen flutes stabbed through the thing so you have to reach up your own ass with a weed removal claw in a vain attempt at relieving yourself of your artificial bowels so that every time you take a shit, you aren't forced to sit through 15 minutes of poor 3rd grade playing of Jeremiah was a Bullfrog after you hear the final splot leave your slowly protracting orafice! Of course because you're using such a crude device you're bound to leave an infection (not to mention a complete lack of bowels) so you're going to have to take an alcohol swab, attach it to the end of a pine cone and swallow it in an attempt to not only relieve the bacterial infection that has surely occured within the depths of your innards, but so that next time you need to start a camp fire, you simply need to bend over and release the sweet sweet kindling that has been hidden inside your rectum low these many weeks! And THAT my friend is why you shouldn't start a lawnmower in a bikini.
If i had a dollar for every time i ran out of hair in the middle of a spoon making contest id only eat your children with a side of slaw and THOSE ARENT PILLOWS!!