Does Super Mario RPG still hold up?
1st December 2023, 3:42 PM
Don't worry, I won't be like one of those obnoxious clickbait articles, I'll just answer you in the first sentence of this post. Wait, no, second sentence. Shit! Okay, here we go. Fifth: no, not really.
Oh, don't get me wrong. The characters and environments are still adorable. It's still kinda fun to have a bit of dynamic gameplay in turn-based battles, even if it is just some a press-a-button-at-the-right-time schtick. The dialog is still silly and fun/ny.
But the whole thing feels lacking. I'm talking, of course, about the recent remake that was released. I have fooooond memories of this RPG as a kid. And apparently fake memories too, because I could have sworn I beat it! This would have been back in the Blockbuster days (or maybe the mom & pop it would eventually come to strangle). So I probably just had to return it before I finished.
Nonetheless. I've had a copy of this sitting in my basement for, well, probably upwards of 15 years by now. I acquired it at some point or another. I kind of wish I went back to play that, to be honest, because they gimped the hell out of the remake. To beat this game, you basically just need a pulse. Not only do enemies deliver less damage and require less hits to beat, but they also put in a system where you slowly build a power gauge. Every, let's say, oh, 40 turns, you get to fire a super-mega-whammy-godzilla-goku attack. Or if Princess Peach is in your posse, maybe it'll be a super-cute-group-hug-on-the-cusp-of-a-sweaty-deviant-art-gangbang deal that heals all parties (panties?).
I'm quite certain it wasn't this easy when I was 12 years old. I remember getting frustrated and disconcerted when I got to Booster's tower and some Joker jerkoff hopped up on his big rubber ball and played a flute at me and smacked me around seven-stars-from-Sunday. "Damn, this is getting hard," I probably grimaced. But hours earlier, before I went to bed, I was playing Super Mario RPG, and it was pretty difficult.
So, as cutesy and charming as SMRPG is (that's short for Super Mario RPG), I'll have to admit that it was kind of disappointing.
What's funny, though, is that after beating the game, you can go off and beat some of the bosses again. And... they're fucking HARD. I went back to beat up the wedding cake boss into batter and I actually had to go back and *level up* a bunch before going at it. And when I ran back into the bomb boss in the mines, I found that each hit only took a single hit point off of him. No weaknesses. I'm pretty sure my most powerful spell only shaved off 8 HP.
There's some trick to it I'm sure, but I just don't have the patience to figure it out. You swung too far in the other direction Squeenix, jfc (that's short for Jesus Fucking Christ).
Oh well. Any of you knuckledheads play it? Now? Back then? Plan to? Spill your guts.
Oh, don't get me wrong. The characters and environments are still adorable. It's still kinda fun to have a bit of dynamic gameplay in turn-based battles, even if it is just some a press-a-button-at-the-right-time schtick. The dialog is still silly and fun/ny.
But the whole thing feels lacking. I'm talking, of course, about the recent remake that was released. I have fooooond memories of this RPG as a kid. And apparently fake memories too, because I could have sworn I beat it! This would have been back in the Blockbuster days (or maybe the mom & pop it would eventually come to strangle). So I probably just had to return it before I finished.
Nonetheless. I've had a copy of this sitting in my basement for, well, probably upwards of 15 years by now. I acquired it at some point or another. I kind of wish I went back to play that, to be honest, because they gimped the hell out of the remake. To beat this game, you basically just need a pulse. Not only do enemies deliver less damage and require less hits to beat, but they also put in a system where you slowly build a power gauge. Every, let's say, oh, 40 turns, you get to fire a super-mega-whammy-godzilla-goku attack. Or if Princess Peach is in your posse, maybe it'll be a super-cute-group-hug-on-the-cusp-of-a-sweaty-deviant-art-gangbang deal that heals all parties (panties?).
I'm quite certain it wasn't this easy when I was 12 years old. I remember getting frustrated and disconcerted when I got to Booster's tower and some Joker jerkoff hopped up on his big rubber ball and played a flute at me and smacked me around seven-stars-from-Sunday. "Damn, this is getting hard," I probably grimaced. But hours earlier, before I went to bed, I was playing Super Mario RPG, and it was pretty difficult.
So, as cutesy and charming as SMRPG is (that's short for Super Mario RPG), I'll have to admit that it was kind of disappointing.
What's funny, though, is that after beating the game, you can go off and beat some of the bosses again. And... they're fucking HARD. I went back to beat up the wedding cake boss into batter and I actually had to go back and *level up* a bunch before going at it. And when I ran back into the bomb boss in the mines, I found that each hit only took a single hit point off of him. No weaknesses. I'm pretty sure my most powerful spell only shaved off 8 HP.
There's some trick to it I'm sure, but I just don't have the patience to figure it out. You swung too far in the other direction Squeenix, jfc (that's short for Jesus Fucking Christ).
Oh well. Any of you knuckledheads play it? Now? Back then? Plan to? Spill your guts.