An Impotent Goron Declaration

[Darunia]

*The full fury of the Goron Army rushes as one, and entirely steamrolls the Weltallian force. Darunia comes across a small band of hold-outs... Weltall, Unread, Lazy are sitting cross-legged in a circle, having a conversation.*

WELTALL: Wow, I have broken the Goron's mind. It was surprisingly brittle.

UNREAD: Anything that eats rocks for nutrients is bound to be brainless.

LAZY: It's because he has a fatwa.

*Darunia, seemingly unnoticed, dismounts his steed, as his army rounds up and tramples the rest of the resistance. He walks up to the circle, unsheaths his cavalry saber.*


LAZY: Natalie Portman surges my---

*With one felt swoop, Darunia decapitates the lot.*

*DAYS LATER AT THE CONGRESS OF TENDOCITY, DARUNIA ANNEXES ALL TENDITE TERRITORY; ENSLAVES ALL HITHERTO FREE PEOPLES; IS AWARDED REPARATIONS IN EXCESS OF 100% of Tendo City's GDP, with 150% interest; the name, likeness and image of Tina Fey are forever more banned from the universe (under pain of death), and all currency, stamps, clothing, signs, and products are henceforth to carry the mandatory image of Natalie Portman.*

*End 66th Goron-Tendo War.*

There, I feel better now.