5th May 2010, 12:23 PM
So, then... Weltall, EM and Sacred.
*Three hundred thousand Goron troops, in immaculate formation, march. At the front, standard-bearers bear standards... flowing banners portraying the nubile Natalie in a variety of poses. Before these, rose-petal-bearers sprinkle roses before the feet of the blessed Goron Crusade--for this is a holy mission--to smite the enemies of Natalie Portman.*
Darunia, atop his steed, surveys the battle.
DARUNIA: Insignificant fools. Asinine morons all! To think--merely to THINK that the hagged, vile sorceress Tina Fey, with her disfiguring scar, crooked smile, could even COMPARE to the divinely sweet, graceful, beautiful, enchanting Natalie Portman...! It's too much to bear! It fills me with RAGE!
GORON AIDE-DE-CAMP: Yes, m'lord. Our advanced units are in position now.
*Opposite the Goron army, some 250 Weltallian concripts... mostly fat, middle aged Union thugs, street-sweepers, welfare recipients, and video game nerds, all out of shape and unkempt... all vaguely resembling Michael Moore, and clad in the armor of sweat pants and mustard-stained T-shirts... shuffle into position. At their front, Weltall rides into battle atop a Segway, proudly toting a huge banner of Tina Fey's crass vagina as their emblem. Towed behind him, in a Radio Flyer, eating from a box of Animal Crackers, sits EM.*
WELTALL (addressing his portly companions): Today is the day! The day when we, the Fiercely Associated Gang for the Greatly Onerous Tina Fey (FAGGOTY) will show the world that old, 60-something skanky New York socialite elitist actresses are the FUTURE OF THE WORLD!
*He stops for a half-hearted mixture of cheers, burping and wheezing to subside.*
WELTALL: To think that that beautiful, young, seductress Natalie is in any way, shape or form the EQUAL of our tired old Hag Queen! We'll show them! This very day! WARRIORS OF THE HAG QUEEN---CHARGE!!
*The FAGGOTY warriors loosely start tumbling in the direction of the proud Goron force.*
*Darunia, dignified atop his white steed, surveys the opposing force through his looking glass with an air of calm.*
DARUNIA: Send the signal. The center advances. Tell Marshall Scrag to put pressure on their right flank with his cavalry. I want IV and VII Corps to pin their center into position. The X and III Corps will probe their left, supported by elements of the Goron Highlanders. Stand by for artillery barrage. Have the reserves and the Old Guard deployed.
*Three hundred thousand Goron troops, in immaculate formation, march. At the front, standard-bearers bear standards... flowing banners portraying the nubile Natalie in a variety of poses. Before these, rose-petal-bearers sprinkle roses before the feet of the blessed Goron Crusade--for this is a holy mission--to smite the enemies of Natalie Portman.*
Darunia, atop his steed, surveys the battle.
DARUNIA: Insignificant fools. Asinine morons all! To think--merely to THINK that the hagged, vile sorceress Tina Fey, with her disfiguring scar, crooked smile, could even COMPARE to the divinely sweet, graceful, beautiful, enchanting Natalie Portman...! It's too much to bear! It fills me with RAGE!
GORON AIDE-DE-CAMP: Yes, m'lord. Our advanced units are in position now.
*Opposite the Goron army, some 250 Weltallian concripts... mostly fat, middle aged Union thugs, street-sweepers, welfare recipients, and video game nerds, all out of shape and unkempt... all vaguely resembling Michael Moore, and clad in the armor of sweat pants and mustard-stained T-shirts... shuffle into position. At their front, Weltall rides into battle atop a Segway, proudly toting a huge banner of Tina Fey's crass vagina as their emblem. Towed behind him, in a Radio Flyer, eating from a box of Animal Crackers, sits EM.*
WELTALL (addressing his portly companions): Today is the day! The day when we, the Fiercely Associated Gang for the Greatly Onerous Tina Fey (FAGGOTY) will show the world that old, 60-something skanky New York socialite elitist actresses are the FUTURE OF THE WORLD!
*He stops for a half-hearted mixture of cheers, burping and wheezing to subside.*
WELTALL: To think that that beautiful, young, seductress Natalie is in any way, shape or form the EQUAL of our tired old Hag Queen! We'll show them! This very day! WARRIORS OF THE HAG QUEEN---CHARGE!!
*The FAGGOTY warriors loosely start tumbling in the direction of the proud Goron force.*
*Darunia, dignified atop his white steed, surveys the opposing force through his looking glass with an air of calm.*
DARUNIA: Send the signal. The center advances. Tell Marshall Scrag to put pressure on their right flank with his cavalry. I want IV and VII Corps to pin their center into position. The X and III Corps will probe their left, supported by elements of the Goron Highlanders. Stand by for artillery barrage. Have the reserves and the Old Guard deployed.
H.R.M. DARVNIVS MAXIMVS EX TENEBRIS EXIT REX DEVSQVE GORONORVMQVE TENDORVM ROMANORVM ET GRÆCORVM OMNIS SEMPER EST