2nd December 2007, 10:44 PM
lazy, in all seriousness you need to ask yourself a few questions about this decision of your's to go to foreign lands.
Would you be satisfied if after travelling all that way and managing to make contact with her, you still couldn't get the relationship back? This is a big one here. What I'm asking is do you consider the effort itself and the need to get a final answer the main goal or just getting the relationship back? If you can honestly say yes, you would accept it and still consider the trip worth it even if all you get is a "no", then that's the answer you need.
What will you accept as a "no"? Would you spend a week there? A month? How long would you continue to try to contact her? This is also very important. You MUST define in advance what you would accept as a clear and definitive "no". Here's a start. If she says "I don't want to see you again", that's a clear sign. Don't fall into the trap of interpreting all her messages as having some hidden secret desire to get back with you and all you need to do as the hero is bring it back out. Holding a radio over your head only works in the movies. Sometimes it really is over, as in those OTHER movies. My point is DO NOT BECOME A STALKER. It is ALWAYS wrong, in every situation, to do so.
Let's say she said yes, she's getting back together with you. You have to ask yourself. Is this incident that as you said nearly destroyed you going to ruin the relationship anyway? I mean it now. How would the relationship even play out from this point? Could you personally get past this event or will it just be dragged up every single time someone forgets to buy detergent or something. If you will never be able to get over this, if you can't say that you can, all you two are doing is prolonging and dragging out a lot of pain for no good reason.
It needs repeating, AFTER the fact, you've heard the "no" loud and clear, and accepted it, will you just leave or will you, in spite of having made the decision to spend your money yourself, in spite of having a clear message from her parents not to come, suddenly shout "Do you have any idea what I've had to go through to get here? Orbitz is like 10 years of hell for a crime I didn't commit!". You MUST be able, in advance, to gracefully accept a clear no and return home without being bitter about the effort you went through to get your final response.
Lastly, do you think you could withstand the smell of not American people? They aren't even really people, as it's the US constitution that defines human rights and that only applies to Americans! QED. Everyone knows that. And by everyone, I mean Americans.
If you can answer these questions well, then I bid you good luck on your trip. If you can't, don't go. You should instead focus your energies on attempting to get over her and moving on. There's no shame in that. I mean you aren't Captain Picard, the man who can resolve any dispute with ease and calm. That's okay though, most people aren't. I'm not saying you should fix those until you get the right answers to those important questions, or even offering advice on how you could. I'm just saying if you can't handle those things then you shouldn't attempt this. I wouldn't normally even support something like this but this is the best I can do. Meet me on these requirements and you have my support. Of course you don't need my support and can act on your own, but I fear if you can't handle this or are too obsessed it will only hurt you, and as important, other people. Well okay that's more important because other people outnumber you.
Would you be satisfied if after travelling all that way and managing to make contact with her, you still couldn't get the relationship back? This is a big one here. What I'm asking is do you consider the effort itself and the need to get a final answer the main goal or just getting the relationship back? If you can honestly say yes, you would accept it and still consider the trip worth it even if all you get is a "no", then that's the answer you need.
What will you accept as a "no"? Would you spend a week there? A month? How long would you continue to try to contact her? This is also very important. You MUST define in advance what you would accept as a clear and definitive "no". Here's a start. If she says "I don't want to see you again", that's a clear sign. Don't fall into the trap of interpreting all her messages as having some hidden secret desire to get back with you and all you need to do as the hero is bring it back out. Holding a radio over your head only works in the movies. Sometimes it really is over, as in those OTHER movies. My point is DO NOT BECOME A STALKER. It is ALWAYS wrong, in every situation, to do so.
Let's say she said yes, she's getting back together with you. You have to ask yourself. Is this incident that as you said nearly destroyed you going to ruin the relationship anyway? I mean it now. How would the relationship even play out from this point? Could you personally get past this event or will it just be dragged up every single time someone forgets to buy detergent or something. If you will never be able to get over this, if you can't say that you can, all you two are doing is prolonging and dragging out a lot of pain for no good reason.
It needs repeating, AFTER the fact, you've heard the "no" loud and clear, and accepted it, will you just leave or will you, in spite of having made the decision to spend your money yourself, in spite of having a clear message from her parents not to come, suddenly shout "Do you have any idea what I've had to go through to get here? Orbitz is like 10 years of hell for a crime I didn't commit!". You MUST be able, in advance, to gracefully accept a clear no and return home without being bitter about the effort you went through to get your final response.
Lastly, do you think you could withstand the smell of not American people? They aren't even really people, as it's the US constitution that defines human rights and that only applies to Americans! QED. Everyone knows that. And by everyone, I mean Americans.
If you can answer these questions well, then I bid you good luck on your trip. If you can't, don't go. You should instead focus your energies on attempting to get over her and moving on. There's no shame in that. I mean you aren't Captain Picard, the man who can resolve any dispute with ease and calm. That's okay though, most people aren't. I'm not saying you should fix those until you get the right answers to those important questions, or even offering advice on how you could. I'm just saying if you can't handle those things then you shouldn't attempt this. I wouldn't normally even support something like this but this is the best I can do. Meet me on these requirements and you have my support. Of course you don't need my support and can act on your own, but I fear if you can't handle this or are too obsessed it will only hurt you, and as important, other people. Well okay that's more important because other people outnumber you.
"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." ~ Charles Babbage (1791-1871)