Gamespy's 'Top 10 Ways to Know You're a PC Snob'

[A Black Falcon]

http://www.gamespy.com/articles/784/784479p1.html

And here's their counter-argument, "Top 10 Ways to Tell You're a Console Fanboy".

For our previous Top 10 column, we brought you our take on the top 10 ways to tell if you're a PC gaming snob. This light-hearted list made some of you chuckle, while others folks seems to get a little steamed. We've decided to even things out this week by coming up with a list of the top 10 ways to tell if you're a console fanboy. This should prove that we believe in equality, which is why we make fun of everyone equally.

After this week we promise that the next Top 10 will leave this whole ugly affair behind. Now, please enjoy the horribly offensive and biased list below.

10. In Defense of Consoles

A console gamer reacts to our last "Top 10" column.

You read through our PC elitist list thinking to yourself "Wrong, wrong, wrong..." then went on a local message board and wrote a long rambling post about how much GameSpy sucks.

9. Big Screen Gaming

I bet you my HDTV is bigger than your PC monitor.

19-inches? 24-inches? What a joke. Real gamers play on screens that are 37-inches or bigger. You hear PC gamers brag about how great World of Warcraft looks on their Dell monitor and you laugh as you go home to sit on your couch in front of your massive HDTV hooked up to a 7.1 THX-certified surround sound system. Let's see PC gaming top that.

8. The Best Roleplaying Games Are From Japan

All the best roleplaying games are from Japan.

Baldur's Gate? Neverwinter Nights? Bah, the only real role-playing franchises come from Japan and have names like Final Fantasy, Dragon Quest and Chrono Trigger. Also, it's a plus if they have questing teenagers, cute furry creatures or giant birds to ride on.

7. Console Games Work

Getting PC games to run would give even Einstein a headache.

RAM requirements? Processor speed? You don't need to fiddle with anything to get console games working, you just pop in the disc and play. PC games are a whole other story, you'd have to be Einstein to figure out how to keep everything running smoothly on a PC gaming rig.

6. Miyamoto is Your God

This is your god. Bow down or face his wrath.

Shigeru Miyamoto, or "Shiggy," is your deity of choice. The man is a genius, can do no wrong, and deserves to be treated like the best thing to happen to humanity since the discovery of penicillin. You've cosplayed at Nintendo's E3 press conference and cried during the first Twilight Princess trailer.

5. Gamepads are Good Enough

This is all you need to pwn someone in a shooter.

You can do just fine on first-person shooters with the dual analog sticks on a control pad. You don't need a mouse and keyboard and you're sick of hearing PC gamers (aka - "PC whiners") bitch about how much it sucks to play an FPS with a console controller. What's even worse is when PC gamers brag about how badly they'd kick your ass if they only had their keyboard and mouse.

4. Realism Sucks

Gran Turismo is about as realistic as console gamers want or need.

You play videogames to escape from real life, not to recreate it. Why do PC gamers want realistic shooters or realistic flying games? Dying in one hit isn't fun and neither is reading a 200-page instruction manual just to get a plane off the ground. You want to just load up your game and have fun.

3. Save Games are for Wusses

Real men don't complain about not being able to save anytime.

There is nothing wrong with checkpoints in your mind. It makes games more challenging. What fun is it to save your game every ten seconds? There's nothing like roving through a dungeon for an hour and knowing that if you die you'll have to start all over again.

2. Japanese Games Rule

This is Japan, land of wacky games that PC gamers will never truly appreciate.

Katamari Damacy, Vib Ribbon, PaRappa the Rapper, these are games that stepped out of the mass market circle and had a distinct Japanese flair. You're convinced that no Western developer could ever make games that are as creative or unique and take pride that you pay the extra cash to import games that will never make it to these shores.

1. Real Friends

PC gamers settle in for a night of Raiding on WoW.

As a console player you have friends who don't just exist in World of Warcraft. Multiplayer = gaming with your buddies on the couch or at the very least chatting with them on Xbox Live. You know their real names and you hang out in real life. They're more than just another Leeroy Jenkins.

The only one of these that I don't either completely disagree with or have significant issues with is #6. Other than that... no, I don't agree at all. :)

10. No, I pretty much did the opposite.
9. PC - 17" monitor (2.0 stereo/headphone sound); console - 19" TV at school, 27" TV at home (mono/stereo (built-in TV speapers)/headphone sound)
8. No. Not even remotely. Some JRPGs are good, but PC RPGs are significantly better.
7. Meh, dealing with hardware is fun sometimes... frusterating when you can't get something to work, but fun much of the time. :)
6. Yeah, Miyamoto is awesome.
5. Both are good and have different, and complimentary, uses. The same goes for joysticks. All PC gamers should have a gamepad and a joystick as well as their keyboard and mouse (and no, the ministick in a dual-analog gamepad does NOT count as a joystick), and console gamers should play PC games too.
4. Realism is good. Simplicity is fun, but complexity and depth adds more to the game and makes it more satisfying when you do well in it... I may never be able to actually play Falcon 4.0 or Grand Prix Legends, but I sure would respect someone who is a lot more than most console gaming achievements.
3. Exactly the opposite: Save anywhere is one of the best features in any game with it. Limited saving is one of the worst features in any game without it. Some genres or game types need it more than others, but it's great whenever it exists.
2. They're both good. American games are every bit as good as Japanese ones.
1. Both ways are social gaming... just because it's online doesn't mean it's less social, really...