19th December 2006, 1:50 PM
I've been reading it, and I'm about halfway through so far, so I can offer a little help. Please don't be too sensitive, some of it is criticism, but it's only intended to help. Also keep in mind that my thoughts may include differences of style and you can make of them what you will.
I like the basics of how you portray the centennial celebration in New York, but I'm the kind of reader that loves detail, even the trivial, because to me it makes a scene more realistic. Perhaps that's because I tend to the trivial and I note the little details in life, I dunno. Anyway, we were all around for the millennial New Year, and we remember how crazy it was. It wasn't that your description seemed dismissive, but I wanted to better feel the atmosphere of the moment. I want to see how people seven hundred years in the future celebrate such a milestone event in more than just the generalities. I can see and appreciate the analogs to our own time, but people will change in such a span of time, and how are they celebrating the end of 2699?
Eric Dalton is a character I'm not entirely sure I like, however, I was left with the impression that he may factor into the story again later. If so, I feel okay not understanding why he is such a misanthropic asshole and why he (and, for that matter, this shadow organization he seems to belong to) feels justified when he causes billions of deaths. If he'll be back later, it's no big deal, but if he will never appear again, I'd feel cheated not knowing his motivations.
I also thought that, just as I wished to know how future people celebrate New Years, so too do I want to know what is going through their minds as the world collapses all around them. I want to know the fear, the terror, and the shock through someone's personal perspective. The attack on the space station, and the resultant disaster, are obviously the main catalyst to the events in the story, and I want to know all I can (unless, of course, it is something that will be explained later... this is tough to do!)
That's all for now. The story idea is very interesting. I think another draft or two is definitely in order, and I would like to see more detail, just as long as you know where the line between meat and fat is, and how to keep from crossing it.
I'll review more as I progress.
I like the basics of how you portray the centennial celebration in New York, but I'm the kind of reader that loves detail, even the trivial, because to me it makes a scene more realistic. Perhaps that's because I tend to the trivial and I note the little details in life, I dunno. Anyway, we were all around for the millennial New Year, and we remember how crazy it was. It wasn't that your description seemed dismissive, but I wanted to better feel the atmosphere of the moment. I want to see how people seven hundred years in the future celebrate such a milestone event in more than just the generalities. I can see and appreciate the analogs to our own time, but people will change in such a span of time, and how are they celebrating the end of 2699?
Eric Dalton is a character I'm not entirely sure I like, however, I was left with the impression that he may factor into the story again later. If so, I feel okay not understanding why he is such a misanthropic asshole and why he (and, for that matter, this shadow organization he seems to belong to) feels justified when he causes billions of deaths. If he'll be back later, it's no big deal, but if he will never appear again, I'd feel cheated not knowing his motivations.
I also thought that, just as I wished to know how future people celebrate New Years, so too do I want to know what is going through their minds as the world collapses all around them. I want to know the fear, the terror, and the shock through someone's personal perspective. The attack on the space station, and the resultant disaster, are obviously the main catalyst to the events in the story, and I want to know all I can (unless, of course, it is something that will be explained later... this is tough to do!)
That's all for now. The story idea is very interesting. I think another draft or two is definitely in order, and I would like to see more detail, just as long as you know where the line between meat and fat is, and how to keep from crossing it.
I'll review more as I progress.
YOU CANNOT HIDE FOREVER
WE STAND AT THE DOOR
WE STAND AT THE DOOR