30th September 2004, 8:56 PM
Jay: Now before I start writing Ghostchasers III, who do you have back from the original cast?
Male assistant: Uhh... the black guy.
Female assistant: But we've only got him for two days. He's also playing the black guy in Batman 3.
Jay: I'm tempted, but I don't know... can Duke really be president? Can he be trusted with nuclear weapons?
Jeremy: We trust him with the ones he has now.
Bob Dole: Bob Dole, good to meet you, Duke.
Dan Quayle: I'm Dan Quayle. I gotta go boom-boom.
Duke: Bob, I'm thinking of running as a republican.
Bob Dole: That nomination is mine! *lightning strikes outside* If you interfere, I'll release this tape. *turns on TV*
Duke (on the TV): Pretty kitty Calooco, you know that I love you so, with your fur so soft and fair, I would not take you anywhere... *sobs*
Forrest Gump: Mr. President, I'm Forrest Gump, owner of Bubba Gump shrimp.
Bill Clinton: Shrimp? I love shrimp! Shrimp cocktails, shrimp scampi, shrimp puffs, shrimp ca bob...
*hours later*
Bill: ...peanut butter and shrimp sandwiches, shrimp milkshakes, shrimp wine...
*even more hours later*
Bill: ...Count Shrimpula cereal, and blueberry pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, a little brown sugar, and some shrimp.
Forrest Gump: You sure like shrimp, Mr. President.
Bill Clinton: Did you say shrimp? I love shrimp! Shrimp? I love shrimp! Shrimp cocktails, shrimp scampi, shrimp puffs, shrimp ca bob...
Cyrus: I wanna thank you for helping my wife and my little girl. It's more than I did...
Jay: Well, there are a lot of people in New York that would have done what I did... they're called putzes.
Cyrus: Mmm. I like pepperoni on my putzes!
Jay: ...I'll bet you do.
Mets coach: Alright, which one of you threw the firecracker at the little girl?
*random player raises hand shamefully*
Coach: You're off the team. Alright, I'm making a list. Who's gotta go to court today?
*4 guys raise their hands*
Coach: You're off the team. Now, who impregnated my daughter?
*remaining 3 guys leave*
Coach: Oh, marvelous.
Johnny Wrath: Well Howard, my new album is, uh...
Howard Stern: Shut up. Margo, can I see you naked.
Robin: Ahahahahaha!
Margo: Of course not!
Howard Stern: Then get out.
Robin: Hahahaha!!
Howard Stern: Robin, what's so funny?
Robin: I don't know, I wasn't listening! *giggles more*
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Male assistant: Uhh... the black guy.
Female assistant: But we've only got him for two days. He's also playing the black guy in Batman 3.
Jay: I'm tempted, but I don't know... can Duke really be president? Can he be trusted with nuclear weapons?
Jeremy: We trust him with the ones he has now.
Bob Dole: Bob Dole, good to meet you, Duke.
Dan Quayle: I'm Dan Quayle. I gotta go boom-boom.
Duke: Bob, I'm thinking of running as a republican.
Bob Dole: That nomination is mine! *lightning strikes outside* If you interfere, I'll release this tape. *turns on TV*
Duke (on the TV): Pretty kitty Calooco, you know that I love you so, with your fur so soft and fair, I would not take you anywhere... *sobs*
Forrest Gump: Mr. President, I'm Forrest Gump, owner of Bubba Gump shrimp.
Bill Clinton: Shrimp? I love shrimp! Shrimp cocktails, shrimp scampi, shrimp puffs, shrimp ca bob...
*hours later*
Bill: ...peanut butter and shrimp sandwiches, shrimp milkshakes, shrimp wine...
*even more hours later*
Bill: ...Count Shrimpula cereal, and blueberry pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, a little brown sugar, and some shrimp.
Forrest Gump: You sure like shrimp, Mr. President.
Bill Clinton: Did you say shrimp? I love shrimp! Shrimp? I love shrimp! Shrimp cocktails, shrimp scampi, shrimp puffs, shrimp ca bob...
Cyrus: I wanna thank you for helping my wife and my little girl. It's more than I did...
Jay: Well, there are a lot of people in New York that would have done what I did... they're called putzes.
Cyrus: Mmm. I like pepperoni on my putzes!
Jay: ...I'll bet you do.
Mets coach: Alright, which one of you threw the firecracker at the little girl?
*random player raises hand shamefully*
Coach: You're off the team. Alright, I'm making a list. Who's gotta go to court today?
*4 guys raise their hands*
Coach: You're off the team. Now, who impregnated my daughter?
*remaining 3 guys leave*
Coach: Oh, marvelous.
Johnny Wrath: Well Howard, my new album is, uh...
Howard Stern: Shut up. Margo, can I see you naked.
Robin: Ahahahahaha!
Margo: Of course not!
Howard Stern: Then get out.
Robin: Hahahaha!!
Howard Stern: Robin, what's so funny?
Robin: I don't know, I wasn't listening! *giggles more*
Post more!