Shame

[Sacred Jellybean]

Shame, shame, double triple quadruple god damn dog shame. Shame on you guys for not creating a Happy Birthday Lazyfatbum topic. Okay, I only know because facebook told me.

No, wait.

The word "shame" bubbled up into my mind because I'm ashamed to know lazyfatbum. The world is ashamed collectively for producing him, that hell-born ogre bent on destroying all we know and love.

But unintentionally.

See, Satan fucked up at spawing him in his cellpool of filth and unholy rejected parts of skeletons and the penises of evil dictators (shout out to Hitler and Nero, mostly tiny penises too, he fit them all into a thimble of damnation), but he hadn't realized is all the hatred was wasted on such a blessedly naive and innocent fun-loving Grombel of a lunk, the kind of big guy you high five in your horse-drawn carriage as you ride by as he plows his simple boy fields. So if the hell analogy follows he's like Little Nicky but more retarded.

So he destroys all we know and love unintentionally like those big lummox like Tex Avery guys that were all based on Big George in Of Mice and Men, they hug and love and squeeze their little pets until their little bones snap and their lungs prolapse out of their gaping mouths.

So this isn't so much an appreciation thread as a roast thread. Lazy, what the fuck man. What the fuck.

Um. Okay. I'm coming up short on things to list about you that I don't like. Or things I'm willing to put into a thread like this.

You know all those dumbass eastern hippies who say that hate is far closer to love and that apathy is the true antonym? Well let's take those pseudointellectual fucks at their face and say it's true. It should be easy to flip around hate into love, so we're gonna do it here. Here. Here we go. Okay.

Lazy, your crazy rantings and general character have reached and grab me despite never seeing you face-to-face. You're aware of the psychological insight about people using past relationships (friendships, parental figures, love) as a basis and reference point for future relationships. Well I still do this to you. Because you're one smart mother fucker and you think outside the box, even when that path leads to crazy and irrational thoughts. It's that spark of imagination and insight that you couldn't fake if you tried. You're a true person.

What does that even fucking mean? "A true person". As opposed to a false person? GTFO. No one would want to imitate lazy anyway.

But what I'm saying is that you're an incredibly intelligent and intuitive person, I remember the first and only time I ever talked to you. It was approximately four years ago, I was in an enclosed brick fire escape from my old apartment, the best apartment with the best room mates, that was a really awesome albiet short-lived time (fucking Toler is such a pansy, he backs out of fucking everything).

And I was still in a stage where I found it acceptable to internet-date women, I know, I'm not proud of it but at least this was the last time it would ever happen and thank god for that, but I was talking to you about this internet girl's ex-husband, I briefly told you about how he alienated his parents who then sympathized more with the girl, and you asked if he was either insane or on drugs and holy shit you were completely dead on.

For the record, one coincidence of insight like this is enough to tell me ur ttly a smrt prsn lol.

No, only kidding, but that was the first example that came to mind, you're able to take a few points of fact and weave them into an insane tapestry that onlookers can only sit and gawk at, some are impressed and others are disgusted but the fact of the matter is they're all looking, WE'RE ALL LOOKING AT YOU OKAY WE'RE GIVING YOU ATTENTION ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU WANT.

I don't know what I can come to conclude after all this long post other than the fact that holy shit lazy, you're pretty fucking cool. To the point where if I don't talk to you for a few months or see your posts on facebook I'll say to myself, "Damn, wonder what he's doing?" Shine on you crazy diamond.

I know all this ridiculous writing of true feeling steeped in joke seems like one big back-handed compliment, but honestly, I feel privileged to know a person like you. And I think we all do.

Post moar, you jerk.

Oh, and Happy Birthday. <3 :love:

[Great Rumbler]

yep

[etoven]

Don't blame me, I haven't been on TC for three days..
At any rate here goes:

Lazy... At some point in your life your body goes threw changes. This happens as you get older. Your penis may get hard for absolutely no reason..

In your case this is because a hot Latino women is masturbating on her baby and you have nothing to live for. As you much on Tacos and sing moonlight becomes you.. You may notice a change.. "downstains". For most people this is called a erection, but in your case you penis is simply dieing from too little oxygen. And as you poo out your anus so hard that you shit a hole threw your pant's, remember that this is called "climaxing", or in your case, being so aroused that you turbo shit your old people underwear. Just remember that in your case this is a normal reaction to getting older.

So, don't worry sun all this means that your turning into a big boy! And god hates you.. :)

So, here is what I did for your birthday... At 12:01 AM I have arranged 4 fully grown very pregnant female chimps to give birth on your kitchen floor, they are about loaded to capacity with water wait and hot for you! Later on, they will each have their way with you because they fell threatened because you are to close to their new born. And as you look around conveniently placed with in reaching distance, you will find the following items, three pairs of socks, a rubber chicken, one banana and three pairs of duct tape..

Yes I said duct not duck because I'm awesome like that..

So happy birthday, you chimp jerking retard.. Because bubbles is looking for older men now and your it!