DARUNIA'S 3000th POST BASH!

[Darunia]

*Darunia holds a huge party for everyone to celebrate the eminent occasion of his 3000th post on TC!*

*Serves all manner of delicious treats and snacks*

*A grand buffet of Indian food is laid out*

*Guest speakers and visiting dignitaries start to show up*

[Darunia]

! 3 0 0 0 !

M M M

[alien space marine]

[Weltall]

*A large quantity of Indian food is consumed*

<font size="24">ANUS EXPLOSION</font>

*universe dies*

[etoven]

*A large quantity of Indian food is consumed*

ANUS EXPLOSION

*universe dies*

I am so glad I was in class when your anus exploded from Indian food, that is one horrific site I hope I never have to witness, just kill me quick and fast.

[Darunia]

DARUNIA: DON'T TRY THE CHICKEN VINDALOO!

Weltall: Why not? (Eats it)


KABOOOOOOM!


Darunia: Feces everywhere!!

[Geno]

HAY GAIZ! I just got my tux dry-cleaned and my car waxed and--WELTALL, NO! NOT THE BEAN BURRITOS!

And all was laid to waste... by which I mean excremental waste.

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[Weltall]

More sounds of failure available at:

lmao

[Great Rumbler]

I have nearly 20,000. You're kungfu is weak, Darunia.

[Darunia]

Hmm sounds like a challenge.


*Declares formal state of war on Great Rumbler.*

You talk a big game, boy, but nobody---NOBODY tangles with the Goron and lives to talk about it!


*Changes into sumo attire*

DARUNIA: YOU. ME. NOW. SUMO WRESTLE. GO!

[Great Rumbler]

*knocks Darunia out of the ring in a single hit*

GREAT RUMBLER: Come talk to me again when you get that post count up a little higher. *smokes a cigarette*

[Darunia]

(Darunia invites GR over to a nightcap at his lavish country manor.)

DARUNIA: Yes, come in! Let me take your coat!

GR: (Looking around): Nice place, Mr. D! Say is that a Picasso?

DARUNIA: Why yes, yes it is! I had no idea you were an art fan. Shall we adjourn to the drawing room?

(The two enter a large, dark, wood-paneled room. In the corner, a fire is raging. The shadows of various stuffed beasts--trophies of Darunia's many safaris--haunt the room.)

DARUNIA: Well, what's your poison?

GR: Whiskey, straight.

DARUNIA: Good man, coming up!

(Darunia appears with two glasses.)

DARUNIA: Clinky!

(They toast.)

DARUNIA: To Tendo City! May it prosper!

GR: (Nods, says nothing, and drinks.)

(Darunia watches silently.)

DARUNIA: Good whiskey?

(GR swishes it around in his mouth and swallows.)

GR: Not bad. I've had better.

DARUNIA: Mmm.. have a seat. Let's talk!

(They take opposite seats next to the fire.)

DARUNIA: (clasping his own hands) Now then, what shall we talk about?"

GR: Hmm... I don't know. I'm actually kind of tired, I ought to be going. Thanks for the drink, Mr. D. I can see my own way out.

DARUNIA: (Eyes narrowed) Not at all, my dear boy, the pleasure... was entirely mine.

(GR puts on his hat and coat at the front door.)

(GR's face suddenly contorts in wide-open in horror, as Darunia burries a hatchet between his shoulders.)

DARUNIA: Not the best whiskey? FUCK YOU!

END

[Great Rumbler]

GREAT RUMBLER: This is a very good hatchet, but I've seen better. Look, the woods all splintered on the handle and it's a bit rusty on the metal part.

DARUNIA: *gasps* But how? You should be dead!

GREAT RUMBLER: Oh, this? I've had worse really. One time OB1 slashed my torso in half with his lightsaber, now that was a hoot! It's really more a flesh wound, hardly feel anything at all, what with all my pain receptors have long since overloaded and blown out completely.

DARUNIA: *faints*

GREAT RUMBLER: Ah...well. I'll just see myself out then, shall I? *leaves and shuts door behind him*

[Weltall]

Now you went and got blood all over my perfectly good hatchet.

[Darunia]

*Darunia lures Great Rumbler down to his basement wine cellar.*

GR: (A bit tipsy) Hurry, Darunia! I would love to taste of your amontillado, but I fear we shall miss the festival!

DARUNA: It isn't much further now.

(Darunia leads GR to a small alcove in the darkest part of the cellar. GR is quite drunk now. Darunia takes away his bottle and ushers him into the alcove, where he fastens him in place with shackles.)

(Darunia begins to lay bricks in front of the alcove. Over time, GR regains his sense.)

GR: (Nervous laughter) Hah! Hehe... what a good laugh... we'll have over this! When we... get back above!

DARUNIA: Yes. When we get back above.

GR: Haha.. and you never... gave me any of your fine amontillado!

DARUNIA: (Continues laying bricks, almost complete.)
Yes my amontillado.

GR: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DARUNIA!

DARUNIA: Yes. For him.

(Darunia leaves one block out of place. Gazing inside, he sees only darkness. He throws a torch through, and hears the desperate wrestling of GR, the clanging of the heavy chains.)

(Darunia seals the alcove.)

FOR FIFTY YEARS NOBODY HAS DISTURBED HIM. MAY HE REST IN PEACE.

[EdenMaster]

CASK OF AMONTILLADO'D

[Weltall]

POE'D

[EdenMaster]

[Darunia]

Haha you have no idea how much gratitude it gives me that you recognized it. Cheers!

[Great Rumbler]

*ONE THOUSAND YEARS LATER*

GREAT RUMBLER: *bursts up from the ground to find the world an apocalyptic ruin* Well, dang.

[Darunia]

Well... if nothing else, at least I've bought one thousand years of peace. Let's see... it March 5th, 2010... so, we shouldn't hear from him again before 3010. Phew! Peace at last.

[Great Rumbler]

Actually, that one was just a clone. I've still got a few more in my basement and I think at least three escaped a few weeks ago into the woods. Make sure you aim for the feet though, that's where their brains are.

[Weltall]

OUR SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED THE SECRET OF

TAP-DANCING HEADACHE