Wake up after 11 hours of sleeping and slam down 6 cups of coffee as quickly as you can; some black, some with milk, some with sugar BUT NEVER MIX MILK WITH SUGAR. Then when the bluring stops and you dont feel your wrists pulsating anymore, go outside and walk around aimlessly. It's important that you have absolutely no goal what so ever while walking aimlessly otherwise you defeat the purpose which I haven't quite figured out yet. Walk in semi circles, now walk in a triangular pattern and then see if you can watch your feet while you run without getting dizzy and it's art! Then, run back inside and look for your ferrets, call to them by name in an austrian or eastern-european accent.
POGO!!!!
SNEAKER!!!!!
INVADE MANCHURIA... BITE THE DOG!
I bite the dog. It's... well, I dont know why.
Then by now you should be coming down off your coffee high, so it's time for lunch. The only meal of the day! mm! share with the ferrets and tease the dog, make him think he'll get a bite, but then take it away from him. Continue this until he cries, and then call him a bad dog. Dog's hate that. Fuck.
By now it's 2 PM and you cant tell if your mouth is open or closed without looking in the mirror, you're still nude and you've had a lunch consisting of a tuna (ALBACORE..) sandwich with SPROUTS, doritos (half ranch and have quacamole or nacho your choice i dont really care if you mix them but if you dont you ruin most of the experience), half a jar of jalapenos (some of them, to be fair, probably weren't jalapenos), a treat of some sort, a Mystery Treat..... cigarettes...... and an a&w Cream Soda from THE CAN and you possibly got some work done for some client I dunno what's his name with the t-shirt. Congratulations! You can go to bed now and worry about everything else tomorrow!
*theme to Star Wars!*
You can do this for about a week but then sometimes you dont know if it's hair or dirt. Sure, the lunch meat looks okay.... it smells okay.... but why does it have a glossy sheen to it? and ultimately, you begin to ask yourself why cars are expensive when they're in such high production or if the whole rat-poop in peanut butter thing is true... and then you throw out all the peanut butter and do countless hours of research just to realize that you've been eating it your entire life why is it bad now just because you found out poop is in it and then after a month or two or three or four you shave your eyebrows, braid your pubic hair, use female deoderant to see if anyone's paying attention and make a home made penis pump out of baby bottles and surgical tubing.