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+--- Thread: Human Centipede (/showthread.php?tid=6152)
Human Centipede - lazyfatbum - 29th March 2011
A dutch movie about an evil German scientist who staples two hot American girls on to a Japanese guy who take turns shitting in eachother's mouths. This is the best version of Independence Day I have ever seen. But if the fecal erotica doesn't turn you on there are hilarious moments where the scientist recollects his beloved 3dog. How does this shit get made when I'm trying to raise money for my short film projects and I might as well be choking myself on penis every night and end up making more money and probably feeling more accomplished-yunno what? The lazyfatbum escort service is open for business. This movie destroyed my sense of existence.
Good points: boobs.
Bad points: the scenes without boobs.
Thankskilling was a retarded movie that understood it was retarded and that's why its awesome. Human centipede wants to be a serious film, a serious horror movie. You want serious horror? The original Holloween. The original The Fog. Fucking Night of the Lepus is a better horror movie than Human Centipede.
Human Centipede lifts from the Saw films and translates them in to a hypothetical universe where doctors do things for free. You will be more entertained watching ANY of the Saw films while your hands are being lightly coated in boiling oil for 7 hours. Hell watch the new remake of Nightmare on Elm Street while trying to swallow a pine cone, still less painful than watching Human Centipede.
I laughed during scenes that were supposed to be frightening, I cringed during scenes that were supposed to be heart-felt. At the end (spoiler) when one of the hot chicks started to die I couldn't tell what was happening because it looked like the hot chick in front of her was poopin in her mouth. I only knew she was dying after she died but my chubby cheeks laughed anyway at the thought of these people on set trying to stay dramatic and emote while taped together mouth to anus.
Excellent film if you are German. The rest of us need to find more compelling films to waste our time with. Like Thankskilling. Or Monsturd.
Human Centipede - Dark Jaguar - 29th March 2011
The entire concept sounds like the sort of thing a 12 years old boy would come up with to gross out his friends. "What if, um, um, you had your mouth, um, like sown to someone's butt and then they pooped and because your mouth was sown up you had to eat the poop?" "Ew gross! That wouldn't happen!"
Yeah so, that's the whole thing eh? Yeah, I've seen a few reviews online, and the general consensus is, it's pointless. If you want to have a mad doctor doing experiments, make the experiments interesting! This superficial flesh sowing just to link a couple tracts of intestine together just isn't interesting. You've got a mad doctor that's obsessed with conjoined twins? Fine, try having him sew their hearts together or, here's an old stand-by, putting 2 heads on one body. Now you've got something.
Human Centipede - Great Rumbler - 29th March 2011
But it's 100% medically accurate!
Human Centipede - lazyfatbum - 29th March 2011
Yeah! actually, if the movie revolved around putting heads in jars and keeping them alive, exchanging bodies, two-headed humans, all the old great grade B stuff that movie would have been a shit ton more awesome! Putting a human head on a dogs body! Of course movies like these, to do them in modern standards would require quite a bank roll. But still, at least its better than gaining attention by making a film based on poo trains.
Human Centipede - lazyfatbum - 29th March 2011
Wth yeah its medically accurate, science has proven you can eat shit long before Human Centipede though. But its bogus because the third person would die of malnutrition unless the first person over eats a considerable amount, like to the point of causing serious health risks. It's just stupid, its like DJ said. But there was an old X-files about a doctor who was attaching the head of a man doing of cancer to a healthy body. In the facility behind the gates was a two headed dog (alive) and I always wanted to see that elaborated on.
Human Centipede - Dark Jaguar - 29th March 2011
lazy said all I'd have to say about "scientific accuracy". There's also the obvious blood type issues. Heck from what I've heard even in the context of the movie the plan didn't even work, they were dying (very quickly I might add) anyway. So yeah, pointless.
Someone showed me the "big reveal", the completed "centipede", and I gotta say, wow that was incredibly disappointing. They show basically nothing. Oh how gross! There's 3 people BANDAGED together cheek to cheek! The title wrote a check the special effects team couldn't cash.
There's also one big underlying message here, which is "NEVER go backpacking in Europe or crazy germans will murder you.". Sheesh a lot of American horror movies lately have that plotline, and it can't be making us any friends abroad. Here's a few survival tips. If you need to walk THAT far to get to town, FOLLOW THE ROAD instead of wandering aimlessly in the woods. If all you have is a flat tire, maybe ruining the rim is an acceptable loss. I mean that had to be a rental car. Do whatever you want to it. Also, if some crazy guy with a picture of conjoined twins on the wall starts talking about how he hates people, maybe don't drink anything he gives you.
Human Centipede - alien space marine - 29th March 2011
Didn't I already make a thread a long time ago about this Dutch made farce of a horror film?
The film's hole premise was based on a joke about stitching child molesters mouths to the anuses of pot belly truck drivers, Which sounds more interesting then centipede since the biggest flaw of the film is that the two protagonists are so fucking annoying that can't help but hate them, In-fact seeing them sewn ass to mouth gives you the same perverse pleasure as seeing Wesley Crusher being stabbed in the back by a Bayonet.
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Human Centipede - Dark Jaguar - 29th March 2011
ASM, you're my B.
So just about everyone agrees this is a bad movie. What gets me are the group who think it's "the grossest movie of all time". Really?
Human Centipede - alien space marine - 29th March 2011
Dark Jaguar Wrote:ASM, you're my B.
So just about everyone agrees this is a bad movie. What gets me are the group who think it's "the grossest movie of all time". Really?
Jack Ass 1-3 are more likely to induce vomiting
Its pretty much a G-rated two girls one cup
Human Centipede - Dark Jaguar - 29th March 2011
Haven't heard of that one. Is that some sort of plastic surgery conjoined movie but with breasts?
Human Centipede - lazyfatbum - 30th March 2011
What the fuck is B.
No idea if you already posted on it but dear ...God. at least it could have been shot in a comedic way. I kept hoping there was some grander scheme to why he wants to connect people together but no, he just wanted to make a train of people. Augh.
Human Centipede - EdenMaster - 30th March 2011
Dark Jaguar Wrote:Haven't heard of that one. Is that some sort of plastic surgery conjoined movie but with breasts?
2 Girls 1 Cup is a heartfelt childrens tale that will tug at your heartstrings. You should look it up immediately.
Actually, no. I can't do that to you. It's two girls eating each others shit.
Human Centipede - Dark Jaguar - 30th March 2011
lazy, think of it like this.
A-B-C
Now think of it in the context of the "movie". Which letter is least appealing?
Thanks EM, now I know of a movie with an even weaker premise. I'll just skip that if it's all the same.
Human Centipede - EdenMaster - 30th March 2011
It's not supposed to have a premise. It's a trailer for a scat fetish porn movie.
Human Centipede - Dark Jaguar - 30th March 2011
Okay... That doesn't really change anything for me though.
Remember the Scat Man?
Human Centipede - Dark Jaguar - 4th July 2011
Aaand there it is.
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Human Centipede - etoven - 4th July 2011
You must not watch tosh.o lazy.. He rambled on about 3 hours of spoilers for the whole movie, about 5 months ago.. Also south park just did a episode about it. Steve Jobs put getting sown together ass to mouth in the ITunes usage agreement, it was funny as hell everyone was like, well why did you read it? Any Apple fan will tell you the ULA for ITunes is about 50 god damn pages and no one reads it.