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+--- Thread: Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire (/showthread.php?tid=5823)
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Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - etoven - 28th June 2010
From: The TovenNet Empire Affairs Security
His high magistracy emperor Erich Toven, ruler of TC and all things Nintendo including the mighty Goron and Goron Empire is not pleased with Darunia's constant attack on Nintendo citizens.
There for in accordance with TovenNet law all Goron citizens are ordered to scrub all TovenNet server rooms indefinitely.
All Goron's failing to show up for work detail Wednesday Morning are subject to dismissal from the Nintendo empire.
Signed..
Pig Slime Face
Sr. TovenNet Affairs Security and second anus to Emperor Erich Toven high ruller of TC and all things Nintendo.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 28th June 2010
no no no.
Tendo City's entire service economy revolves around frequent Goron invasions. It's good for business.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Moiraine - 28th June 2010
Guess who's back... Anyone miss me?... doubt it.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - etoven - 28th June 2010
Moiraine Wrote:Guess who's back... Anyone miss me?... doubt it.[COW]Welcome back to TC Moiraine[/COW]
Here's a recap...
- I now run these parts..
- I don't know you..
- Return often and earn cookies..
- Collect 5 cookies and receive a pat on the back..
- Collect 10 cookies and win $350 plus 5 NES games...
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - EdenMaster - 28th June 2010
I'm betting you probably do know Moiraine, or at least of her, you just don't realize who she is.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Moiraine - 28th June 2010
you're right.. you don't know me, however I know about you. Now that I know my password I plan on posting when I can.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 28th June 2010
I don't even think I knew you the last time Moiraine hit town.
All's I have to say, Toven, is that when you refer to "Usher", you'll have to specify now.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Moiraine - 28th June 2010
EdenMaster Wrote:I'm betting you probably do know Moiraine, or at least of her, you just don't realize who she is.Wow you remember me?
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - etoven - 28th June 2010
Well it's not Ryan, wrong IP.. And he's the only one I know in Richmond..
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - etoven - 28th June 2010
Weltall Wrote:I don't even think I knew you the last time Moiraine hit town.Owww. Snap!
All's I have to say, Toven, is that when you refer to "Usher", you'll have to specify now.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Moiraine - 28th June 2010
Yes'sir that would be me. Having a hard time changing my info because I have no idea where to go on here to do so.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 28th June 2010
"User CP", at the top-left.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Moiraine - 28th June 2010
It keeps saying something about a "Type N here" ???
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - etoven - 28th June 2010
I am Vaguely remembering a thread about dead baby jokes now...
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - etoven - 28th June 2010
Moiraine Wrote:It keeps saying something about a "Type N here" ???You have to type N in the box. To prove your not a bot.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Dark Jaguar - 28th June 2010
One side or the other will win, and then the Shinryu will purify the world, wiping the slate clean, rebirthing all the warriors to begin again in search of creating the ultimate warrior. It's all basically one big genetic algorithm.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 29th June 2010
![[Image: Obama-Weekly-R_jpg_600x345_crop-smart_upscale_q85.jpg]](http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/17649/Obama-Weekly-R_jpg_600x345_crop-smart_upscale_q85.jpg)
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - EdenMaster - 29th June 2010
God I love The Onion.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Dark Jaguar - 29th June 2010
What the heck is an Emperior?
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - alien space marine - 30th June 2010
Dark Jaguar Wrote:O rebirthing all the warriors to begin again in search of creating the ultimate warrior. It's all basically one big genetic algorithm.
![[Image: Warrior195.jpg]](http://www.warriorcentral.net/Warrior195.jpg)
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Darunia - 30th June 2010
ATTN: TOVEN
FROM: HRM, DARUNIA
SUB: Intolerable Insolence
SIR-- Firs of all please accept my most humble and heart-felt welcome back to Tendo City! However, please be advised that since annexation, this is sovereign territory of the Goron Military. You may have noticed that marshall law has been lifted due to good behavior of HRM's subjects lately... however, a fully staffed garrison is located downtown, on 656 Nintendo Street. I pray, Sir, that you listen to reasn and immediately recant your insolence... if you do not by the time I get back from tonisht's Red Sox game, I fear dire consequences not only for you, but also for your fellow Tendites.
Do the right thing. Confess and beg mercy.
Yours
HRM Darunius Maximus, Rex Goronorumque Tendorum
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - EdenMaster - 30th June 2010
*Two dark figures approach each other out of the darkness in an empty parking garage*
Toven: Thank you for meeting me on such short notice.
EdenMaster: Not a problem.
Toven: Did you bring it?
EdenMaster: I did. The one thing that can put an end to the treachery overtaking your rightful land.
Toven: Yes...This should do it... thanks fo--
*Toven abruptly stops talking as he notices EdenMaster has already disappeared back into the shadows*
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Dark Jaguar - 30th June 2010
Only one thing can save us now. Perhaps this thing.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 30th June 2010
How about a double whammy: not only strike the crab in its weak point for massive damage, but summon a beautiful woman to do it for you.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Dark Jaguar - 30th June 2010
<img src="http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090105180949/dissidia/images/2/2f/Emperor_artwork.jpg">
The only one fit to rule, is I.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - etoven - 30th June 2010
Weltall Wrote:How about a double whammy: not only strike the crab in its weak point for massive damage, but summon a beautiful woman to do it for you.That thing Mrs. Hottie is playing looks like it came out of Zelda.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Dark Jaguar - 30th June 2010
etoven Wrote:That thing Mrs. Hottie is playing looks like it came out of Zelda.
I... just... never mind...
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Darunia - 30th June 2010
TO: ALL CONCERNED
FROM: HRM DARUNIUS MAXIMUS
SUBJ: WAR CRIMES
BE IT KNOWN THAT THE USAGE OF 'SARIA'S SONG', BEING THE PIVOTAL BANE OF ALL GORONS, IS FORBIDDEN UNDER THE GENEVA CONVENTION, (ARTICLE 9, PARAGRAPH 42). THE CONTINUED USAGE OF SAID SONG WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.
HRM DARUNIUS MAXIMUS, REX GORONORUMQUE TENDORUM
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 30th June 2010
Dark Jaguar Wrote:I... just... never mind...
Is it possible to second a thought which is impossible to completely form?
If so, consider it done.
:amunk:
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - The Emperor - 1st July 2010
Such meaningless declarations of power do not befit a true ruler such as I. Simply lay down your arms and I shall gladly provide the leadership you truly desire.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 1st July 2010
Why does Lady Gaga rule Tendo City now?
I'm awfully confused.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - The Emperor - 1st July 2010
Ultimecia? Don't be absurd. I'm a far older and greater power than that.
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Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Darunia - 1st July 2010
Quote:Why does Lady Gaga rule Tendo City now?
L O L... so much for you gaudy attire, Imperial pretender!
DARUNIA: So, meddlesome urchin, you require an example of my power? So be it. And your fellow Tendites will have nobody to blame for you... have I not always been lax, and understanding, with the application of Goron High Law? And as such, have we not all learned to live in relative peace and harmony? And this day's lawlessness... is how you repay me? So be it! You bring this upon yourself! BEGIN THE MARSHALL LAW!
*Goron troops in heavy riot gear descend from the garrison, waving batons and tasers, driving the populace out of the streets and into hiding. All venues and business are shuttered, and blockades are situated at every exit and egress of the city.*
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 1st July 2010
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Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Darunia - 1st July 2010
YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD NEVER SHOW THAT TO ANYONE!
Weltall: Ha! Got ya good, rock boy!
(Weltall, sitting at his PC, hears a noise from the kitchen, but dismisses it as nothing. He returns to his computer.)
(Suddenly, Goron troops burst into the room)
TROOP: GET THE FUCK ON THE FLOOR! NOW!
Weltall: Wha--
TROOP: GET THE FUCK ON THE FLOOR!
Weltall: You're not real! You're just fake!
(Weltall feels the very real pain of a Goron rifle butt being directed firmly into his crotch. He is thrown violently to the floor, and straddled by six Goron troops who bind and hogtie him.)
(His computer is smashed to pieces, and the house is burned to the ground. Weltall, meanwhile, is to stand trial for Treason.)
TROOP: ANYONE ELSE WANT TO PLAY EMBARASSING FOOTAGE OF H.R.M?
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - The Emperor - 1st July 2010
An imitation ruler with the same sorry scandals as anyone else. You are not fit to rule anything. There can be only one emperor, and it is I. The living, the dead, even the divine shall come under my rule.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Dark Jaguar - 1st July 2010
Indeed, look into his eyes. :D
<img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/1c/Bowie_in_Labyrinth.png">
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 1st July 2010
But, that emperor sucks.
At least Ultimecia took a half hour to kill. Mateus took . . . two hits from the goddamn Blood sword. He's easier than at least half of the regular random encounters in the game.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Dark Jaguar - 1st July 2010
Didn't he steal a baby or something, or am I thinking of something else? To be fair, Darunia was just a friendly guy on a mountain that never really seemed like the "world domination" type. In fact the one time we see him doing anything close to fighting, he's basically nowhere while Link takes out a big ol' dragon. Yeah, I don't think Darunia is that big a threat.
I think Matt's probably tougher in the NES version.
Interesting avatar... mesmerizing... I can't look away. Is that Mr. Bean?
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Darunia - 1st July 2010
INSOLENT SCUM! I SHALL RAZE TENDO CITY TO THE GROUND AND THEN SALT THE EARTH, THAT NOTHING SHALL EVER GROW AGAIN!
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 1st July 2010
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Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - The Emperor - 1st July 2010
Do not compare me to mere goblin kings! To me even a jaguar is but a kitten.
I have heard of your lack of stature puny imitation goron. Ahohoho, you already do look up to me it seems.
Darunia: I'm just the distraction!
*Giant foot of Weltall descends*
Ungaahhhh!
...This is exactly as I had planned. Even in your defiance you still work towards my ends. I have descended to the black gates of hell only to rise again as the ruler of that realm. Know that all your dreams are but dust in the face of my desires.
<img src="http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080216001317/finalfantasy/images/6/68/EmperorPalamecia.png">
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Dark Jaguar - 1st July 2010
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I know not how to interpret this madness. I... have lost all concepts of reality!
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Darunia - 2nd July 2010
@ Christoph Waltz: I loved this guy in Inglorious Basters, and I heard he was weird, but... I don't know what the hell the deal is with that video.
@ The Pretender:
You have been warned.
*Declares formal state of war on the Pretender*
*Mobilizes 1st, 3rd 6th and 10th Goron Armies*
*Begins conscription en masse*
*Pushes tough economic sanctions through the UN security council, essentially leaving the Pretender and Tendo City as pariahs on the world stage*
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Dark Jaguar - 4th July 2010
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Now I'm even more confused.
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Sacred Jellybean - 4th July 2010
Ahahaha, this has got to be a joke. I mean the shot with all the sheep with bows on them pretty much seals it. He's probably just a performance artist. As for the original video, he was probably just playing homage to it. Maybe he wanted to spoof something really cheesy and put a weird spin on it.
"You have to understand, the humping is not a metaphor. Yes, the eukalali is. The telephone, the lamp... self-explanatory. The humping... uh, which part don't you understand?"
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 4th July 2010
You don't know who Christoph Waltz is?
That alone is half of why it's funny. ;D
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - EdenMaster - 4th July 2010
I was gonna post the original Trololo, but I figured it'd had gone viral enough that you'd have seen it already to place the reference
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Sacred Jellybean - 4th July 2010
Yeah, I never heard of this guy. I haven't seen Inglourious Basterds, and from what the video said, it seems he was even less famous before that. I checked his IMDB entry, looks like he wasn't anything I've seen either.
I'm definitely more inclined to see Inglourious Basterds now. I've heard it's pretty good (even by Tarantino standards, seems a lot of movie nerds think Pulp Fiction is his only actually "good" movie), and it won an Academy Award? Who'd have thought Tarantino would make a movie that wins one. :) His stuff is pretty esoteric and in the cult status. Go Quentin!
Emperior Toven is Not Pleased with the Goron Empire - Weltall - 4th July 2010
Not only is it good, it is good primarily because of Christoph Waltz.
As funny as he is (and he has some moments in the movie, too), he portrays a very chilling Nazi.