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+--- Thread: Fun (/showthread.php?tid=4617)
Fun - lazyfatbum - 30th November 2007
Her: Thank you for calling Orbitz my name is Shcharid'hara how may I help you.
Me: I'm poor and I want to travel to Holland.
Her: Thank you what is your name.
Me: Sean.
Her: S as in Smoke E as in Edward A as in apple N as in Nancy
Me: ..........yes
Her: and your last name Sean what is it please.
Me: ......bradshaw
Her: B as in Baseball R as in Robot A as in apple
Me: Yes, okay. Yes. Spell it. Tell me every letter.
Her: D as in dog S as in Smoke H as in Helicopter A as in apple--
Me: W as in Frank.
Her: Frank is not W
Me: ...
Her: Your last name is ending with a W or an F
Me: W...
Her: Mr. Bradshaw
Me: ...............yes
Her: Hello thank you for calling Orbitz how may I help you.
Me: oh fat christ
Her: yes
Me: Okay, I found a ticket on here for 565, I would like to buy it but the website tells me no.
Her: Due to demand we are sorry but the prices may change at any time.
Me: Okay, but I want that one. I have 584 dollars in the bank and I want the one for 565. Please, please make it happen.
Her: Due to demand we are sorry but the price may change at any time. Unfortunately, let me look it up for you I'm sorry.
Me: .........
Her: The best price I can find is for 1,205 dollars is your card a Visa?
Me: I cant... what? I cant afford that.
Her: Due to demand we are sorry but the pr--
Me: Okay, just, what's on there. Anything. Anything in the 'Poor' range.
Her: .....................................................due to demand we are sorry bu--
Me: oh FAT CHRIST, GOD
Her: We're sorry but the best price available is 565
Me: YES! YES! I WANT THAT! BUY THAT! YES?
Her: what is your credit card number?
Me: Okay, okay. 5 6 4--
Her: Due to demand we are sorry but that price is no longer available.
Me: It's gone? It cant be gone!
Her: The price is no longer available Sean
Me: FUCK! FUCK!
Her: How can I help you.
Me: I will buy you flowers and rub your feet if I can buy a ticket for 565.
Her: I am in India.
Me: DO YOU HAVE FEET?
Her: How can I help you.
Me: .......i'm poor I would like the ghetto flight to amsterdam.
Her: Ghetto.
Me: Yes, it means shitty, dumb, the horror flight, the bag of expired peanuts and the fat guy and the screaming red haired baby.
Her: You are bringing children with you?
Me: FUCK! I HATE YOU! WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLES PRAY TO A NAKED WOMAN WITH AN ELEPHANT HEAD ANYWAY?
Her: You are familiar with Indian culture?
Me: I ***hate*** I ***HATE*** indian culture! your food sucks, your people suck, your not even a normal shade of brown its like--
Her: I have a found a ticket for 565
Me: THANK GOD BUY IT NOW
Her: okay can you give me your address
Me: okay 504 Omaha st. Palm har--
Her: Due to demand--
Me: DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO TO HELL AND DIE AND YOU'RE DEAD!!!!!!!!
Her: I am in India
Me: DIE IN INDIA!!!!!!! IS IT LEGAL TO KILL PEOPLE IN INDIA???
Her: no.
Me: IF IT WERE LEGAL I WOULD TOTALLY KILL YOU
Her: Would you like to speak to my supervisor
Me: CAN I KILL HIM TOO???
Her: Sean. I have found a ticket for 565
Me: LIAR
Her: What is your address
Me: JUST BUY IT, JUST FUCKING BUY IT, JESUS FAT CHRIST BUY IT, PLEASE GOD
Her: The ticket cannot be purchased.
Me: okay, okay. 504 Omah--
Her: Due to demand--
Me: *bangs phone on head and screams*
Her: I dont think I am able to help you.
Me: NO SHIT?????
Her: Try refreshing the page Sean.
Me: I am..........
Her: And what did you able to find
Me: aint found shit
Her: Try again in 30 seconds.
Me: This is retarded. This is so retarded. I just want the ticket. Do you hate me? Do you hate white people?
Her: hi hi hi hi
Me: ??
Her: I thought you were black.
Me: Not fucking funny. Not, this is, you're a racist.
Her: hi hi hi hi Sean I am unable to help you.
Me: Fucking fuck Fuckitty McFuck Ass.
Her: Sean I have a ticket for 1,834 dollars would you like to purchase.
Me: Okay. No? I have 584 dollars in the bank, okay? I spent 2 grand, 3 grand on my pets, I dont have that. I have 584 dollars. 584. I was fired from my job, I have bills up my ass, my entire family is poor. Please God help me out. HELP ME.
Her: Sean I have a ticket for 565
Me: I hate you.
Her: Would you like me to purchase
Me: No, DONT purchase it. Let it go.
Her: It is no longer available.
Me: hahahaha why!?!?! this is the most retarded thing, this is worse than underground dog fights! Atleast you can see which dog is getting its ass kicked, this is just random! I WANT TO GO TO HOLLAND
Her: I can sympathize surely..
Me: NO YOU CANT! AND DONT CALL ME SHIRLEY!
Her: hi hi hi hi hi
Me: You make me want to do drugs and hurt myself.
Her: You are rock singer?
Me: I am a famous black rock singer that needs to go to holland.
Her: You are famous
Me: Very, i'm extremely famous.
Her: Sean I dont believe you because you would have more than 584 in the bank.
Me: YOU THINK SO???
Her: hi hi hi hi I cannot help you.
Me: fuck.
Her: Sean I have a ticket for 565
Me: 504 omaha st. palm harbor florida 34683
Her: thank you and what type of card is it
Me: VISA
her: thank you and the card number
Me: 7756 6428--
Her and I at the same time: : Due to demand we are sorry but the price may change at any time. I hate you.
Her: Orbitz would like to apologize.
Me: Orbitz can press its lips up against my left ass cheek and spell the alphabet with its tongue.
Her: hi hi hi you are very bad.
Me: I'm sending you a bomb.
Her: no.
Me: its covered in anthrax.
Her: No you are not a terrorist you are black rock singer.
Me: No, im completely fucked out of a ticket.
Her: keep trying.... we will all hope for you.
Me: who's we??
Her: everyone who is listening.
Me: I'M NOT ENTERTAINMENT I WANT MY TICKET
Her: hi hi hi no you cannot have a ticket I am mean now hi hi hi hi
Me: Because of you I will hate indian people forever.
Her: that's not true. Sorry for not helping you Mr. Bradshaw please keep checking the website.
Me: die.
Her: thank you for using Orbitz.
Me: I'll be back.
Her: I look forward to it. hi hi hi hi
Fun - lazyfatbum - 30th November 2007
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
The following flights are confirmed:
Date: Wednesday, December 12 Flight: KL 6437/*NW 437
Departs: Tampa-Int'l, FL (TPA) at 8:12AM
Arrives: Minneapolis/St. Paul-Int'l, MN (MSP) at 10:38AM
Class of Service: Economy Class (V) Seat: 32-E
Flight Duration: 3 hours 26 minutes Approximate Miles: 1,308
Meal Service: Snack Box ($5) Aircraft: Boeing 757-200
Note: *Operated by Northwest Airlines
Note: 45 Minute check-in required in Tampa
Date: Wednesday, December 12 Flight: KL 6046/*NW 46
Departs: Minneapolis/St. Paul-Int'l, MN (MSP) at 7:15PM
Arrives: Amsterdam-Schiphol, Netherlands (AMS) at 10:25AM on Thursday, December 13
Class of Service: Economy Class (V) Seat: 42-C
Flight Duration: 8 hours 10 minutes Approximate Miles: 4,155
Meal Service: Dinner Aircraft: Airbus A330
Note: *Operated by Northwest Airlines
Date: Sunday, December 23 Flight: NW 39
Departs: Amsterdam-Schiphol, Netherlands (AMS) at 8:00AM
Arrives: Detroit-Wayne County Int'l, MI (DTW) at 11:00AM
Class of Service: Economy Class (V) Seat: 33-C
Flight Duration: 9 hours Approximate Miles: 3,920
Meal Service: Breakfast Aircraft: Airbus A330
Date: Sunday, December 23 Flight: NW 484
Departs: Detroit-Wayne County Int'l, MI (DTW) at 1:59PM
Arrives: Tampa-Int'l, FL (TPA) at 4:35PM
Class of Service: Economy Class (V) Seat: 36-E
Flight Duration: 2 hours 36 minutes Approximate Miles: 994
Meal Service: Snack Box ($5) Aircraft: Boeing 757-200
Fun - lazyfatbum - 30th November 2007
OH MY GOD
Fun - lazyfatbum - 30th November 2007
*DANCES WITH DOG AND SINGS*
Fun - Dark Jaguar - 30th November 2007
You know you really should consider doing standup. I'm serious here. You'd be bigger than James Rancid Beans Price!
Also, this:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=orbitz_blows
Fun - lazyfatbum - 1st December 2007
Oh that's ironic ;D I ended up going directly to the KLM website and buying a ticket with them, I called to confirm and talked to a dutch lady which was really odd because she sounded exactly like Marieke's mom. So I told her "danke je ik hou van je het paardenlul" (thank you I love you the horse penis) and she started choking and said what??? "Ja, buffen het vrouw kaas" (yes, licking the woman cheese) and she died.
She told me to just speak english in holland ;(