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Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 4th January 2006
Okay, this is going to take forever to set up properly so just bear with me.
I'm writing a science fiction story that's set in a post apocalyptic Earth. On this Earth all but a few of the major cities are completely destroyed or abandoned and the entire globe is covered by a desert. The abandoned cities are under the jurisdiction of the Searcher's Guild who survey the cities and open them to members to go through them and find things to sell. The main character of my story is a girl name Kara who is a Searcher at a certain city in the northeastern portion of what used to the be the United States. She was raised by a man named Martin who found her and she has no idea who her parents are/were.
Alright, now I plan on revealing in the story that Kara was placed into cryogenic stasis just before the disaster that ruined the Earth. Also, her parents survived but they went on to Mars and left the Searcher's Guild with the task of finding any trace of their daughter. Martin find her 15 years later, but after much thought he decides to raise Kara himself rather than turning her over to her much older parents who seem to have created a new life for themselves.
In the story Kara meets up with a boy named Aaron who came from Mars after his parents were killed. She takes pity on him and decides to help him despite misgivings.
Now, the question I have is should I write to the story to where Kara finds out that she and Aaron and siblings and her parents are dead or should I write so that it's just a coincidence are her parents are still living on Mars. I'm asking this because I have no idea which I should use and I know that if I go for the one I like a little bit more [that they're siblings] I have to fundamentally change the basis of their relationship. Also, I'd like to know if one or both sound contrived or too far-fetched.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - lazyfatbum - 4th January 2006
Get on MSN and talk at me, I only use MSN for IM. But i'll be on most of tonight researching a couple of my scripts so shoot on by.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 4th January 2006
You got on MSN and IM'd me while I was gone and then I got on and IM'd you and now you're gone!!
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - lazyfatbum - 5th January 2006
You were too late! I had researched my stories and went to enjoy marriage! on a COUCH!
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 5th January 2006
That doesn't preclude you from offering advice!
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - The Former DMiller - 5th January 2006
The sibling twist would be good if done right. You need to write it so it isn't obvious that the story is going that way. If it is too obvious that they are siblings it would ruin the surprise.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 5th January 2006
Well so far I don't think I have anything that would hint at that other than maybe one or two very obscure hints. I've dropped way more hints about Kara's past than that really, I don't think even that is entirely obvious.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - The Former DMiller - 5th January 2006
That would be a good way to go then, in my opinion.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 5th January 2006
But I'm still not sure that's even the way I want to take the story...
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Dark Jaguar - 5th January 2006
I don't want to be too harsh, but I'm afraid both do sound a tad "done before".
Also, it may just be me, but the idea of "surprise, we're related" doesn't seem all that amazing to me. To me, a long lost relative is still a total stranger. Just because the past connects in a purely scientific way doesn't mean I suddenly have to have some emotional investment in such a person.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 5th January 2006
Quote:I don't want to be too harsh, but I'm afraid both do sound a tad "done before".
There are very few things in scifi and fantasy that aren't.
Quote:To me, a long lost relative is still a total stranger. Just because the past connects in a purely scientific way doesn't mean I suddenly have to have some emotional investment in such a person.
Then why do a lot of adopted children try to find out who their real parents are?
One of the reasons I considered taking it that way was because Kara as a person is very emotional UNconnected. So has no friends or family and Martin is the only person in the world that she even cares to talk to. The idea was that she has been basically drifting along with no real purpose in life, but Aaron turns out to be her brother and she discovers that she wants to take care of him since their both orphans now. Remember, Aaron came to Earth because his parents were killed. It basically comes down to what I want to do with my characters really. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of doing it this way...
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - lazyfatbum - 5th January 2006
*cough*
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 5th January 2006
Yes?
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Darunia - 6th January 2006
I'm the reigning king of writing stories that wind up going no where relevant. I've got 1,500 pages (and we're talking Times New Roman 12 here) of stories I've written since kindergarten... so, I can be of assistance to you in your endeavours.
This story sounds like one I've been tinkering with... almost identical theme, only mine goes like this:
A man lives in a domed city, à la Logans Run, only its more primitive. Small, dwindling population---under rule of a self-declared living God. Nobody ever leaves city; no known way out, no one knows that which (if anything) lays beyond the enormous, (crumbling) concrete dome.
The hero, his best gal and (maybe a few others) find a tunnel out... find a barren, wasteland... and encounter all manner of mishap, eventually discovering that they live not on Earth, but on a colonial planet... most of humanity was destroyed in a galactic civil war, and only this one isolated colony, dwindling strain of humanity, lives. Eventually, they trek all across this distant planet, find a spaceship in tact, and fly off to the stars.
IM me and we'll chat.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 6th January 2006
Quote:A man lives in a domed city, à la Logans Run, only its more primitive. Small, dwindling population---under rule of a self-declared living God. Nobody ever leaves city; no known way out, no one knows that which (if anything) lays beyond the enormous, (crumbling) concrete dome.
The hero, his best gal and (maybe a few others) find a tunnel out... find a barren, wasteland... and encounter all manner of mishap, eventually discovering that they live not on Earth, but on a colonial planet... most of humanity was destroyed in a galactic civil war, and only this one isolated colony, dwindling strain of humanity, lives. Eventually, they trek all across this distant planet, find a spaceship in tact, and fly off to the stars.
Hmm...not really the same thing. Or even close really. Except for maybe the setting, but a lot of books/movies have settings like that.
Basically, my story uses a post-apocalyptic setting as a backdrop for a slice-of-life tale. Sort of a "What would living in this world be like" story that doesn't really focus on some pending castrophy, oppressive government, or anything big like that. It's all about the characters.
Quote:I've got 1,500 pages (and we're talking Times New Roman 12 here) of stories I've written since kindergarten... so, I can be of assistance to you in your endeavours.
1,500 pages? That's like five books worth of material right there! Seriously, if I had that much material I'd be calling up every publisher I could think of, online or off, and shopping them around to anyone that would listen. I'd be buying BOOKS full of publisher information and calling all of them until somebody gave me a shot. Unless of course it's all unlicensed fan-fiction or whatever...
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Darunia - 8th January 2006
It's that I don't feel confident enough in any of them to peddle them. Well, 1,050 or so pages of them are Star Wars fan fiction, but the rest is my own little universe... much of it isn't good enough to be published, but... well, what I lacked in skill in 8th grade I more than made up for in persistence!
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 8th January 2006
Quote:Well, 1,050 or so pages of them are Star Wars fan fiction,
That's the kicker right there. No publisher's even going to look at that twice, or even once probably, and LucasArts isn't just going to hand out a license to anyone.
Quote:much of it isn't good enough to be published, but... well, what I lacked in skill in 8th grade I more than made up for in persistence!
You wrote all if it pre-high school? Then you should really try to pick it back up again. I wrote a lot of stuff years ago, it was all terrible. All of it. But about two/three years ago I started my novel that I've been talking about in this thread and over the years I keep going back to the earlier chapters and redoing them, taking into account everything I've learned and all the ideas I've come up with. It's amazing how much the story has evolved. My original prologue took about maybe two pages with 1.5 spacing, now it takes up roughly 6 pages and is much more advanced than it ever was. And I've been doing the same with the other chapters. Redo and expand. It takes a lot of time and effort, but it works.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Dark Jaguar - 8th January 2006
Why do some people seek out lost relatives they have never met? I think it's a mistake. What do they expect to find? The idea of seeking out friends is all well and good, but using the pretext of genetic data rather than just being honest about it seems a little false, plus it isn't very efficient. The only reason I can think of is to find out any medical information that may be genetic.
And just so you know, I have a single "long lost relative" that's pretty close to me on the ol' tree there, but I don't really care about this person. I have no emotional connection, and as such I do not "miss" that person. Logically, to seek that person out would be a wasted effort, so I don't.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 8th January 2006
Quote:Why do some people seek out lost relatives they have never met? I think it's a mistake. What do they expect to find? The idea of seeking out friends is all well and good, but using the pretext of genetic data rather than just being honest about it seems a little false, plus it isn't very efficient. The only reason I can think of is to find out any medical information that may be genetic.
The idea is that in my story Kara has no family [that she knows of] aside from the man that raised. Through the course of the story she meets up with Aaron and it's some time later that she finds out who he really is. There's no seeking out, except her trying to find out about her parents. But under the circumstances, I don't think it's unreasonable.
Quote:And just so you know, I have a single "long lost relative" that's pretty close to me on the ol' tree there, but I don't really care about this person. I have no emotional connection, and as such I do not "miss" that person. Logically, to seek that person out would be a wasted effort, so I don't.
...
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - lazyfatbum - 8th January 2006
Yeah there's no point to it at all.
Unless you were with that person for part of your life, say from birth to preteens and then taken away for some reason, then you would seek them out for good reason. But depending on the age of the character doing the seeking and the age of the character doing the hiding you could end up with an extremely lackluster encounter. Look at your own life from the past 10 years and see how much you've changed, then think of how much you've changed in 20.
Suddenly the realism of meeting that person would be extremely unsettling, save for sharing the same memories of childhood, they will be two completely different people. Now that story in itself can be very interesting, one of self-discovery. But honestly, by itself, it's kinda boring.
It needs a plot twist, something that changes the entire formula.
Quote:Basically, my story uses a post-apocalyptic setting as a backdrop for a slice-of-life tale. Sort of a "What would living in this world be like" story that doesn't really focus on some pending castrophy, oppressive government, or anything big like that. It's all about the characters.
You fail at story telling.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 8th January 2006
Quote:You fail at story telling.
You haven't even read any of it! Actually, I'm probably just bad at describing what it is. It's different. I think.
Quote:Yeah there's no point to it at all.
Unless you were with that person for part of your life, say from birth to preteens and then taken away for some reason, then you would seek them out for good reason. But depending on the age of the character doing the seeking and the age of the character doing the hiding you could end up with an extremely lackluster encounter. Look at your own life from the past 10 years and see how much you've changed, then think of how much you've changed in 20.
Suddenly the realism of meeting that person would be extremely unsettling, save for sharing the same memories of childhood, they will be two completely different people. Now that story in itself can be very interesting, one of self-discovery. But honestly, by itself, it's kinda boring.
It needs a plot twist, something that changes the entire formula.
There won't be any "quest" to find her parents, as they would already be dead, except up to the point where she finds that out. The reason I want to take that route is add a dynamic to the relationship between Kara and Aaron that wouldn't be there otherwise. Up until that point they've been together in the abadoned city for several months and are starting to become friends, despite Kara's earlier misgivings about it. Then, Kara finds out that her parents had been alive for years and Aaron is her brother. This of course alters their relationship and allows it to grow in a different direction. Kara is very self-sufficient, but basically drifting though life while Aaron is somewhat clumsy in the new world he's found himself in. The end result being that Kara's place in the world becomes that of a big sister to her little brother.
It's certainly won't be spelled out like that in story, but you get the basic idea.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - lazyfatbum - 9th January 2006
You're gonna paint yourself in a corner and its going to suck hard. Get online! Message me! come to China Town, ask for Cain! WHERE'S THE CREAM FILLING???
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 9th January 2006
Quote:You're gonna paint yourself in a corner and its going to suck hard.
Why do you say that?
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Dark Jaguar - 9th January 2006
Think of lazy as some sort of harsh critic. Take what he says seriously and impersonally, as I think he knows of what he speaks. I myself can't say much about it yet.
I will say what sort of story I'd like to read. I'd like a sci-fi setting that didn't focus on the setting at all. Just, you know, people living their lives. One might pick up on cool gadgets here and there but it will never be the focus. One would need to learn about the setting much more indirectly. The important thing would be the people to the point of excluding the very setting almost.
That's my story though. If you really want to do this, just make sure it's something you think is good.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - lazyfatbum - 9th January 2006
because you have no call to action or underlying structure for motivation, what's the point in putting the character through an ordeal if it doesn't convey something (morally or otherwise) to the reader?
It's interesting that a character with no family discovers that her best friend is actually family but without higher purpose it becomes random. Like Luke finding out he has a sister, his jealousy for Han becomes admiration and he no longer feels alone in the universe after seeing the mangled bodies of his aunt and uncle. Darth started as a personal vendetta but then he learned he has friends and family with him - his scope became that of realization of a larger, more important goal; Keeping that family together. Killing Darth became 'saving' Darth because now the hope of a family is there, Luke building and completing what he believed to be an empty life.
Without a major ultimate goal (which in story telling is usually something catalysmic to atleast the main character) these 'slices of life' become pointless not only for the reader but for the writer, and that's when you paint yourself in a corner. You end up with loose ends with no way to tie them up, no recourse and no value. Even if you're shooting for something akin to documentary style or biographical the same rules apply in that after chapter 1, the main goal (motivation of the story) has to be present.
Doesn't have to be entirely clear, but it has to be there and atleast foreshadowed. And it doesn't have to be cataclysmic, it could be a simple goal. Such as one of two women aboard a mining ship who is desperate to be recognized for her strength but is afraid to take chances, litteraly living in a man's world where her voice fails to be heard, at one point when she finds herself in a position of power she tries to force the matter which she knows to be correct but is ridiculed for it. It's not until an outside force destroys the boundires of male and female opposition that she's able to make the kind of leaps she's capable of but now instead of looking forward to career, it's done out of survival. Ripley, much like the android, is the only human being on the ship that feels she has to hide her true feelings while on the ship, afraid to show her real self to the male-dominated crew, but when confronted by something inhuman those boundires become useless, now the only thing to protect are the other lives of the crew and herself.
In that process, the thing she valued most (career) started to break down after finding out the business she works for disregards human life (including hers). This is the worst possible scenario for her, not only is she disregareed career wise, her values she bring to the table are ignored even on a scale of worth in the physical sense. So ultimately the only thing she fights for is her will to live.
So you can see that by opening with a surface conflict and then replacing that conflict with something like it but more important creates a deeper recognition from audience to character, they're making the choices with her, the audience is thinking about the worth of their careers, etc.
Get on MSN and i'll show you how to avoid writer's block for the rest of your days and i'll show some of the things we were taught at film school in the area of writing (which also applied to novels, shortstories, etc)
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 9th January 2006
Quote:Without a major ultimate goal (which in story telling is usually something catalysmic to atleast the main character) these 'slices of life' become pointless not only for the reader but for the writer
I have to disagree with this, at least in part. While it is quite easy for slice of life to fall apart with no ultimate goal to hold it together, but on the other hand I've seen it work before and work well. I think the reason it worked is because the characters were believable and could be emphasised with. There wasn't any point to it or any major realization by any the characters, beyond a few small things, but it worked. That's what I'd like to do, a story about characters and their lives. No end of the world, no evil genius, no voyage beyond the stars or any of the things you usually see in scifi or fantasy. I want a story about the characters, their lives and their worries.
By the way, the story is told in first person, aside from the prologue which is an exert from a fictional book.
Edit: As it turns out I've actually been implementing some of the things lazy has been talking about, though there's a lot of still had to do. So...just forget everything else I said in this thread. :)
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 10th March 2006
Well, quite a few things have changed in the past few months. I've pretty much given up the sibling angle, as I have begun to take the story elsewhere, I'm beginning to take lazy's advice into account and most of the things I said in earlier posts that I didn't want to include in my story, I am now including. But, I feel good about it. Things are starting to take shape and I really like the ideas I have in mind for the rest of the book. All in all, I'm making progress and I'm excited about it.
By the way, I've updated the story at Fiction Press with everything I've written so far. It's a lengthy read, but you might enjoy it.
http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1889956
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Smoke - 10th March 2006
Have Kara and Aaron fall in love and have sex THEN find out their siblings. It'll be more interesting that way. :D
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 10th March 2006
Except that's be done like a million time before, not to mention the fact that it's highly disturbing and out of place.
Moreover, I don't even like that particular angle anymore.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 17th March 2006
I really would like to get some feedback, if that's not too much to ask.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - The Former DMiller - 18th March 2006
GR, I'll try to get some time this week to read it. Thursday and Friday aren't looking too busy so I'm guessing I can get to it then.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 19th March 2006
Thanks!
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - The Former DMiller - 24th March 2006
Well, I got through the 2nd chapter and the site started having server problems, so I'll try to finish it up later. From what I read it was pretty interesting. Your descriptions of everything are really vivid, and it helps to picture the post-apocalyptic world you've created. My only criticism would be that there are a lot of grammatical errors, but you are still early in the writing process so those will pop up, but it can be very distracting from what seems to be an otherwise good story.
Looking for a little advice with a story I'm writing - Great Rumbler - 24th March 2006
Quote:but you are still early in the writing process so those will pop up
That and the fact that I type really fast and don't read to closesly what I'm typing. I'll fix it eventually, but right now I'm more worried about getting it finished.