Quote: [04/01/05] - Completely unexpected

I have no idea how to introduce this, so I'll just post it. This is an email Maynard (the real one) sent in moments ago:
[indent] "hi, kabir. i thought it only fair to inform you first, before you hear it second or third hand. some recent events have led me to the rediscovery of jesus. tool will need to take the back seat. this may come as a shock. i just thought you should know considering all the support you given us over the years. all my faith. maynard."

[/indent]This is an actual email from actual MJK. I was going to type up a post about how the RIAA had sent us a letter shutting down The Tool Page (as this year's annual April Fools' Day joke), but now I just don't think it seems appropriate. More on this as it develops. [size=3]§[/size]

Quote:

Has Maynard James Keenan, the frontman of both the dark, heavy-metal art band Tool and the somewhat lighter A Perfect Circle, found Jesus and been born again? Well ...

Recent postings on two Tool Web sites — one of them purportedly by

Keenan himself — contend that the singer has found religion and has left Tool. Could this really be? On Tuesday afternoon (April 5), MTV News' Kurt Loder e-mailed Keenan for confirmation, and this is what he e-mailed back: "I did, in fact, find Jesus. More news to follow. God bless ya."

Keenan's letter to fan site toolshed.down.net explains that "some recent events have led me to the rediscovery of Jesus" and that "Tool will need to take the back seat." A posting on Tool's Web site alludes to Maynard's newfound Christianity as well, but who wrote the post is unclear. It reads, "I went to the studio to give Maynard a bottle of wine ... [and] not only wasn't Maynard there, but ... I was told Maynard has indeed 'found Jesus' and that, for this reason, he's abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely."

But given their timing (one dated March 31, the other April 1), both posts were dismissed as April Fools' pranks, leaving fans wondering whether Keenan and the rest of Tool were just having a little fun with everyone.

The band's management could not be reached for comment or confirmation on the matter.

Quote:07 Apr 05
"Christians, huh? So forgive me." - Bill Hicks Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, "That guy's a punk!"
As it turns out, Maynard was out "location scouting" near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he "found Jesus."
"Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look," Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of "Holier Than Thou" sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn't obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It's an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard’s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty "sparkling holy water" bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced "The Celestine Prophesy." Tragic.
"Truth be told," Maynard confessed, "I wasn't feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it's very possible that the guy I met wasn't even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe."

Quote:02 Apr 05
TOOLTABS

Please note that the folks at Tooltabs.net are not in any way affilated with the band, are not members of the band in disguise, so please don't send them email regarding Toolband.com or Toolarmy.com issues (such as TA account info). Besides, I think these guys will have their hands full with the new stuff when it's released.

Quote:Oh, someone on a band I've heard the name of before but don't care about, like most all rock bands... yeah, I did hear of this. Like a week ago, at least... eh, whatever. It happens, if it's true.

A Black Falcon Wrote:So I'm supposed to care about kinds of music I don't like just to make you happy?

Great Rumbler Wrote:Anime > Maynard

You know this to be true!!

...

Haha! Argumentation.

Great Rumbler Wrote:You do know that the particular smilie you just posted was inspired by an anime, right?

Private Hudson Wrote:Preaching Tool's greatness to people who don't care is about the most embarrassing thing in the world for fellow Tool fan's.

So just shut the fuck up, ok, Smokey?

;)