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+--- Thread: The NEW TC Story Thread! (/showthread.php?tid=414)
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 10th April 2003
Oh shit
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 11th April 2003
*Goron-Weltallian forces march on Dark Lord Neo city; he surrenders immediately...yet they continue to plunder and rape the locals. Burn city; exact reparations; annex foreign territories...*
*End war*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - lazyfatbum - 11th April 2003
*Starts a war with parentheticals*
(YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP)
*kay*
I LOSE!!!!!!! :love: :love: :love:
The NEW TC Story Thread! - alien space marine - 11th April 2003
Forces darunia and weltall to sit and watch every episode of golden girls untill their heads exploid from boredom.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 11th April 2003
*Darunia aghast.*
*Afterwards, Daruni & Weltall charge Alien Space Marine with crimes against humanity...he is found guilty and sentenced to have sex with the former stars of Golden Girls*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Weltall - 12th April 2003
(Parentheticals sneak attack joint Daruni/Weltall forces!)
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 12th April 2003
*Daruni alligns with Darunia and Weltall. Signe Triple Entente; declare intentions to conquer Venezuela; subdue all liberals, whereve they may be*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - alien space marine - 12th April 2003
Alien forces incinerate the golden girls , Then clone burly men to fuck Darunia in the ass.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 12th April 2003
*The burly men clones advance on Darunia, who suddenly finds himself alone and apart from his enormous army in the middle of a storm. Unsheathing his trusted blade, the clone burly men try to move onto Darunia's ass. Each is in turn decapitated; all 4,200. When it's over, the Alien forces are so morally depressed at the failure of their venture that they surrender unconditionally to Triple Entente forces. Annex Mars.*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Great Rumbler - 12th April 2003
Emperor Rumbler of the Alpha Centuari Federation of Planets offers aid to the Goron Empire and Tendo City in defeating their enemy, Dark Lord Neo.
12 hours later 12 heavy battlecruisers, 27 light frigates, and 120 one-man fighters of the 11th heavy attack squadron exit hyperspace and come into orbit above Canada. Orbital bombardment comences.
Emissaries of the Alpha Centuari Federation of Planets meet with top officials of the Goron Empire to negotiate a peace treaty after past incidents resulted in the deaths of the leaders of the respective governments on numerous occasions and in many bizarre ways.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 12th April 2003
DLN Rebuilds army, captures Alaska(US didn't put up much of a fight since nobody really needs that cold barren place) Crosses over to Russia and easily captures it, Crowns himself Emperor
The NEW TC Story Thread! - alien space marine - 13th April 2003
Alien rebels cease control a M2 sex change machine, Alien leader turns himself into Darunia and alters his apearence completely , The real darunia is ambushed and transformed into a woman.
The Alien/Darunia declares the real one his bitch and legitimizes his rule over the Goron empire , Then liberates Mars and it becomes a Independant state.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Weltall - 13th April 2003
*leads anti-war protests against Dark Lord Neo's imperialistic war for...whatever*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 13th April 2003
*Great Rumbler joins the Quadruple Entente; now comprised of Weltall, Darunia and the mysterious "Daruni". The four powers back war to the end against Dark Lord Neo; and vow to make Canada theirs.*
*DNL crowns himself Emperor of Russia, but after realizing that the better thing to do would've been to crown himself Tsar, abdicates. He also realizes that Russia ceased to be a power of any kind 13 years ago.*
*Mars gains independence from ASM. The real Darunia uses his magic to transform back into his regular body; captures ASM. ASM escapes; flees to raise another army against the advancing Quadruple Entente Forces*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Great Rumbler - 13th April 2003
ASM, finding that he has nowhere to go, attemps to flee the Earth and raise an army of mercenaries. As ASM leaves the solar system he is engaged by several battlecruisers. He surrenders within seconds.
DLN, now the Emperor of Russia, chokes on a grape and dies.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 13th April 2003
Doctors recesitate their emperor(come on if someone as stupid as Bush can survive choking a pretzel than anyone can surive chocking on anything)
*Captures China and India*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 13th April 2003
*Dark Lord Neo tries to sound cool by slandering the American president; a stereotypical ploy of all foreigners jealous of American hegemony*
*Great Rumbler stellar navy captures ASM trying to flee and interns him. Next day, ASM formally abdicates war. All efforts turn to DLN.*
*Dark Lord Neo still refuses to take the role of Russian Tsar. Procedes to capture China and India; but no one seems to care. 450,000 Goron Troops land at Port Arthur on the Russian Atlantic coast; are accompanied by 220,000 Weltall troops and extensive Great Rumbler naval support. DLN tries to mobilize the Russian army, but they're all drunk and only three soldiers report as ordered. The Coalition marches on Moscow; drives DLN into hiding.*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - alien space marine - 13th April 2003
ASM knowing how scrwed he is opens a gateway into the twisting neither , Realzing his plan has gotten out of control attempts to seal the portal he had crafted , The rift exploids causing a large vaccum sucking everything including earth,mars and the goron empire into its bowels.
The rift amazingly reseals itself only now the solar system is gone only ASM and weltalls forces remain.
Meanwhile in an alternate universe earth ,mars and Goron race battle it out not realizing they are no longer in the same demension.
Back in our demension , ASM Transforms a unnamed planet into planet Tendotropolis with a stolen terraforming ship.
ASM settles and created himself his own new race and then is declared Grand Sage of Tendotropolis.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Great Rumbler - 13th April 2003
Just as ASM settles into his new world a rip in the space time continueum forms and the forces of the Alpah Centauri Ferderation of Planets under of the direct command of Emporer Rumbler exit the nether universe and comence orbital bombardment of ASM's new developed planet. Anti-matter bombs and nuclear powered blue-lasers decimate the planet.
ASM attemps to flee the planet in his terraforming ship. Just as he is about jump into hyperspace and interdictor-class spacecruiser prevents ASM from making a quick getaway. ASM knowing his time is up attemps to self-destruct the fusion reactor on his terraforming ship. The self-destruct mechanism is inoperable. ASM is taken captive and is senteced by an intergalactic tribunal to 50 years of slave labor in the spice mines of Kessel.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 13th April 2003
*Weltal and Darunia's troups arrive in Moscow, they find it to be a ghost town, Weltal and Darunia move into the Kremlin while their troups take up residence around Moscow, little do they no they had just wondered into the same trap that Napolean had at one time stumbled into, they are awakened in the middle of the night to discover that Moscow has been torched*
*Meanwhile DLN takes his elite Canadian shock troups into France, and with their French accents the French don't even notice they aren't French*
*France Surrenders
**DLN moves into Belgium, another country with a large French population, and just like the other French they, you guessed it Surrender*
*Germany invades the new Empire on the French front while Japan attacks on the Chinese/Indian front, then they remember they have just violated their constitutions, transfer administrative control of their countries to Emperor DLN*
*Troups move into mini Germany, err Austria, and the Netherlands(the Dutch have loved the Canadians since WWII and throw a big party welcoming them), they leave Switzerland alone because it is "neutral"(aka, DLN has lots of money in Swiss banks)*
*DLN tells the British he will throw out Tony Blair(who the British population doesn't support) and replace him with Bryan Adams(who the British worship) as long as they are willing to pledge Alligence to the New Empire, Brits agree*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 14th April 2003
*Darunia, having mastered the Martians as a subdued people, reopens portal between dimensions, and now with super-high-tech Martian stellar navy support, returns in grand style to Earth. Lands 750,000 troops at France; liberates it.
*France declares formal state of war on DLN; Chirac protests; is exiled.*
*United States declares formal state of war on DLN*
*Weltall-Great Rumbler-United States-French-Goron forces mobilized; number 25,000,000 men. DLN army numbers roughly 60,000.*
Odd how the Frenchness of the Belgians compels them to surrender, as they're only 39% French and 60% Dutch...
CIA World Factbook
...and since the Dutch love Canada so much, why didn't Belgium welcome them (?) You know that until 1830, they were one country, don't you?
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 14th April 2003
Quote:Originally posted by Darunia
...and since the Dutch love Canada so much, why didn't Belgium welcome them (?) You know that until 1830, they were one country, don't you?
Since when did WWII happen prior to the 1830's
*American's, French, and Gorons get confused by slightly French accent held by some Canadians, Gorons and Americans confuse French for French Canadians, start killing them, French start killing Americans + Gorons, DLN's forces move in and kill the remaining troups*
*The Goron Empire and the US are left defensless, DLN anexes them*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Great Rumbler - 14th April 2003
DLN's victory is short-lived as his forces come under attack by Emperor Rumbler's orbital defense satelites.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 14th April 2003
But DLN had a gret defence ready, his troups held up gian mirrors and reflected the lazers fired by the orbital defence system back destroying it
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Great Rumbler - 14th April 2003
Orbital defense satelites begin dropping nuetron bombs.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - A Black Falcon - 14th April 2003
Giant tramplines...
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Great Rumbler - 14th April 2003
Nuetron bombs explode several feet above the ground.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - A Black Falcon - 14th April 2003
Well then, giant trampolines suspended in the air by something... which bounce until they harmlessly land in the nets...
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Great Rumbler - 14th April 2003
No.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - A Black Falcon - 14th April 2003
Yes.
Oh, and DLN dies when he touches a special lego figure that had been made of poisoned plastic.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 14th April 2003
Strangely though, it wasn't poison for DLN since he's really screwed up, It only succeded in making him stronger
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 14th April 2003
*Goron Empire has a bloodless coup; Darunia flees captivity, founds another government at Goron City. Raised 800,000 troops overnight in mass conscription; Goron Imperial Senate ratifies a "bottomless purse" financial status to ensure victory in the war.*
*French all start talking with German accents to end confusion.*
Who said anything about WWII? You said that the Dutch love Canada, so they welcome your invasion. I added that Belgium is mostly Dutch, so in your theory they too should've welcome you...yet you wrote them off as French cronies. Tsk tsk.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - A Black Falcon - 14th April 2003
*Goron army realizes how stupid they are to follow Darunia and rebels in favor of pretty much anyone else*
Or otherwise, what chance would Gorons REALLY stand against a real army? I mean, they only have... well, their fists... and there only seem to be a few dozen of them... :)
The NEW TC Story Thread! - alien space marine - 15th April 2003
ASM driven mad by his confinement loses all sense of purpose untill the mighty spice monsters sing their praises to him.Noticing ASM Frendship with the spice monsters the people of Aracus name him Modi and declare him king of Dune.ASM uses his newly acquire spice to form a new rift in space. Mysteriously enough it isnt a new world or solor system that ASM just traveled into , It is infact a Brain namely Darunia's brain. ASM gather his Jihadist dessert warriors and begins to fuck up darunia brain.
ASM ceases control Of darunia Neural passage ways and forces him to unconditionally surrender to DLN forces .ASM plants a Obedice chip in Darunia brain and Heads back through the portal to his newly built imperial palace.
ASM orders Darunia to declare war on Alpha centuri , hordes of Goron warriors lay siege to its captial and its leader is then Decapitated.
ASM then Gets Darunia to delcare ASM God of the Gorons ,All Gorons bow down and worship ASM , The few Rebels that resist get raped by the Gorstoppo and sent to death camps.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 15th April 2003
Quote:Originally posted by Darunia
[BWho said anything about WWII? You said that the Dutch love Canada, so they welcome your invasion. I added that Belgium is mostly Dutch, so in your theory they too should've welcome you...yet you wrote them off as French cronies. Tsk tsk. [/B]
IT SAYS RIGHT IN MY POST SINCE WORLD WAR II
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 15th April 2003
*DLN-ASM sign alliance, become known as the Axis of Assholes. Darunia and Great Rumbler allign as the Coalition of Good.*
*Darunia's elite Gorstoppo storm into Axis bunker from where Darunia is being controlled; execute all responsible, and luberate his mind. GR and Darunia laugh about the incident; commit themselves to victory.*
*800,000 Goron conscripts form into a new Grand Army of the Goron Republic; march on Canada from all fronts. GR's stellar navy attacks from above, sieging all major Canadian cities. He also lands 450,000 troops at Nova Scotia; recruits aid of Québeçois.*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - alien space marine - 16th April 2003
Suddenly darunia realizes its all just a dream he still has a massive chip stuck in his brain.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Great Rumbler - 16th April 2003
How can Gorons attack the capital of the Alpha Centauri Federation of Planets when they haven't even discovered space travel?
1000 galaxy-class capital ships, 5600 heavy frigates, 6800 medium fighters, 12000 light fighters, along with Emperor Rumbler's personal capital ship exit hyperspace near ASM's world.
The entire world is utterly destroyed and AMS along with it.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 16th April 2003
*Québeçois radicals allign with Goron "liberateurs" as they're hailed as. Québec declared sovereign democracy; Toronto and Ottawa surrender...are garrisoned and put under Goron marshall law. Goron army advances north; burning, looting and raping as they advance.*
*Canadian Army under ASM, numbering some 200,00 conscripts, attacks Darunia's 520,000-strong army. At first, they lead a successful heavy cavalry assault on Darunia's left flank; it threatens to crumble and leave the Goron army open to a rolling-up and complete débâcle; but then Goron Old Guard step in, drive back Canadians. ASM orders a phased retreated; leaving behind some 34,000 dead, 18,000 prisoners, and 192 guns. Goron losses number 1,088 killed; 5,600 wounded.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 16th April 2003
Emperor DLN Arrives with his Grand Army, drives Goronon's out of Canada, conquers Goron Empire
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 17th April 2003
*The Goronons, a native eskimo people, are driven out of Canada. The Goron Grande Armée, on the other hand, defeat DLN near Hudson Bay; force him to cede all of Canada except for his home town*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - alien space marine - 17th April 2003
Due to all the continuity errors the universe collaspes everyone dies.
The end!
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 17th April 2003
ASM obviously seeks a quick end to the war...and since it's a war of attrition, that means I win.:D
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Dark Lord Neo - 17th April 2003
DLN tells Darunia whole world is his home town, Darunia being his usuall stupid self belives him, Gives him whole world
The NEW TC Story Thread! - alien space marine - 18th April 2003
ASM orders that Darunia identity be changed and he must be made a cuban cititzen to spend the rest of his life confined
on a tiny communist island.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Darunia - 18th April 2003
Darunia's doesn't care that ASM passed such a law, as not being under his jurisdiction, it doesn't effect him in the slightest.
Darunia captures and confines Neo to Easter Island, where he is doomed to spend eternity in exile, with those cool stone statues with the big heads.
*Peace restored*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - EdenMaster - 18th April 2003
EdenMaster is shocked to see how long his story thread has become.
EdenMaster laughs as he realizes the first step in his plan for world (or at least forum) domination is achieved. Now to move on.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - alien space marine - 18th April 2003
darunia head exploids!! The end !the infidle is dead.
The NEW TC Story Thread! - Weltall - 18th April 2003
*Weltall points out to EdenMaster that ABF's "Pledge" thread is almost twice as large as this one, so don't plan too many parades, conquering hero.*
The NEW TC Story Thread! - A Black Falcon - 18th April 2003
Yeah, its in page 9... and all but the second half of page 6 is serious! Yup... :)