Tendo City

Greetings, internet strangers.
I'm sorry for the clickbait-y title, but I'm at my wits' end with a semi-serious problem. On several recent occasions I have been told that I look young for my age (i.e., my nephew's friends thought I was a High School Senior, a receptionist also said I looked like a teenager... etc). It appears that I have a different view and perception from others. Suffice it to say, I've always had a fairly poor self image. And it seems somewhere along the way I may have also developed a bit of Dysmorphia, so I mostly just see flaws. Thank Jeebus for Covid masks. I'm also almost certain I have undiagnosed Avoidance Personality Disorder (APD), so I don't actually have anyone close that I might approach the subject without embarrassment.

It really doesn't help that I'm a tiny 5'3 and 112lbs, so finding adult clothes that I fit hasn't been an easy task. I've mostly been a T-shirt, jeans and a hoodie type of guy and never really had style or fashion sense, although I've been trying to opt for more dress shirts and the sort to look more age appropriate. It still kinda feels like cosplay though.

So my fellow anonymous and randoms on the internet, I'd like a honest and unbiased opinion. Do I just look like an old fart or did I miss my calling as a  "To Catch A Predator" bait?



I'm just struggling to find a balance and don't want to be that Steve Buscemi Meme.  

I am probably the WORST possible person to give any sort of advice, what with my lack of any desire for the dating scene whatsoever, but I can say this.  Just from the pic you sent, you look fine to me.  There doesn't seem to be anything that, at least I would think, would be some kind of "turn off" to a potential partner.

Just from things I've heard here and there, confidence helps.  Approach others just for the sake of friendship and see if it develops from there.  Worst case is ending up with another good friend.

I say this as someone who is rather insular myself, but I've been making an effort to connect with more people than just my close inner circle of friends.  In my case, it's to have a greater support base of friends and perhaps build out a local support network for things like disaster relief and pooling resources for political causes.

I'm sorry for the confusion but I couldn't resist a punny title.

I wasn't really asking about dating per se rather I'm just unsure of how I look to others. If I look like my age as a 48 year-old man then I think I should start wearing age appropriate clothes, but I keep hearing that I look a lot younger and now I'm second guessing myself. I just don't want to look like an old guy trying to dress like a 20-something if it doesn't work.


I hope that clears up my query.

Edit: I also should clarify that when I do try to dress up more my age it still feels awkward since a lot of clothes for adults don't fit on me.

(7th July 2023, 8:29 PM)Devil's Advocate Wrote: [ -> ]I'm sorry for the confusion but I couldn't resist a punny title.

I wasn't really asking about dating per se rather I'm just unsure of how I look to others. If I look like my age as a 48 year-old man then I think I should start wearing age appropriate clothes, but I keep hearing that I look a lot younger and now I'm second guessing myself. I just don't want to look like an old guy trying to dress like a 20-something if it doesn't work.


I hope that clears up my query.

Edit: I also should clarify that when I do try to dress up more my age it still feels awkward since a lot of clothes for adults don't fit on me.

Hmm I see, thank you for clarifying!  Well, I'm not exactly big myself so here's what I'll suggest.  Dress in a way you feel comfortable with.  What I eventually realized is that no one, literally no one, is as critical of how I dress as I am myself.  In fact, the vast majority of people will walk away from interacting with you not really thinking about how you're dressed.  Dress nicely for interviews and in a professional setting, and you'll do fine elsewhere.  Also, "dress for the climate".  More and more people are going to need to dress down just to survive the way the world's changing.  In short, don't stress it and go with a style you like.  Just don't dress like a nazi.

Thanks for the advice and ideas. I'll do my best but it just feels like when people see the way I'm dressed they have a moment of confusion on my age. And then I get self-conscious and have to look away. Did I mention I think I have APD?

I've also had a handful of times when people thought I was a girl. lol. But that's a topic for another day.