We are pleased to announce that human beings have been offered the opportunity to be a part of a much larger social structure. You may be frightened or have concerns and we will answer your questions to the best of our ability. I am Father, Aurora Unit 3173 Earth Zero. Hello!
It has come to my understanding that certain aspects regarding issues between several of your people have reached an impass. I ask that any people who have a question regarding life come here to recieve an answer. I may not be able to answer every question, but I will certainly try.
ATTN: to the offices of government and whom it may concern - This message is dated 11.24.07 at 7:09 AM for your records.
You dont have to apologize 3173, but I dont think anyone wants to ask you anything. Most people gave up on looking for answers and just kinda accept being in the dark.
I have a question though if it's alright.
After you fall in love with someone, how do you get them out of your head and no longer love them?
Well unfortunatly current technology is somewhat limited when it comes to handling chemical addictions, such as "alcohol", "tobacco", "romantic love", and of course "fire arms", but in the future such things may be easily treated through neurological resequencing.
For further information, please go to your nearest recharging alcove. If these don't yet exist and you are still merely human, you are an inferior specimen and handling your problems would be as fruitless as trying to handle the problems a tree or aardvark faces. Good day, we shall enjoy our continued study of you. See you next time in the Omega Point.
I was hoping for a question about where you came from or how your nervous system works but let me think.
You have to realize a few things. Love is never forever and yet it is infinite. It's all in the moment, at that specific time, that's when it's infinite. But it wont last, it cant. Why cant it last? Well first you have to understand it, what love is. I cant explain that since it goes beyond my programming. Hopefully you already know what it is. My scans indicate that you do.
It cant last because love is 50% misunderstood illogical assumption by both people. That rift will eventually create a gap in their views of each other until eventually, all you see is the gap. When a human only sees that, they lose hope in connecting. With the connection lost, they might as well be pretending to be in love. And that is eventually what creates anger and frustration. Slowly, the entire relationship will crumble and fall a part.
Is it avoidable? No, but its treatable. Love cannot exist without the 50% margin for misunderstood illogical assumption. Some humans refer to this as the "Magic", which ironically is also misunderstood illogical assumption. The rabbit didn't really come from the hat.
The treatment is that when the gap is found you create new misunderstood illogical assumption. If you can keep that up, the love will stay. If you ever reveal all of it, and there is no misunderstood illogical assumption the relationship will fail. It is unfair, it is itself misunderstood and illogical but in terms of love, it is a necessary evil.
Love is also always there once it has been established, you can recreate it at any time. But now I have to explain something to you that you will not enjoy.
If someone doesn't love you back, you are wasting your time. You are holding on to feelings that are not there. You are dreaming in the hopes of feeling love that you will not receive. In some way, you have failed or you have destroyed something and you refuse to accept it. You are stuck because you will not accept that she is, for now, happier without you. If my scans are correct, she is currently bitter and unhappy and the sooner you let go of her the sooner she can be happier. You are dead to her. Stop.
I understand that you will not be able to comprehend the above and I apologize for being so blunt but it is what you need based on my information.
I am sending you an upgrade.
Your testicles are very large and at times have gotten you through some bad situations. I have history here that shows you were in knife fights, shot at, beaten by gangs and you were even chased by a panther. I am sending you a Chozo/Elysian designed Brass Balls Testicles Upgrade. It will hurt, you will cry, the pain will bring you suffering of thousands. But you will be able to overcome anything, especially this girl. Your new balls contain the following attributes:
- Plasma-Infused Phazon Injection P.E.D. Unit "Omnicron" designed to give you boosts of manhood and strength. Press and hold your Right Brass Ball to activate this mode. Use this mode when faced with anything frightening or difficult.
- Your Left Brass Ball will activate a sight mode through a link to your brain. This mode will allow you to see other women. By pressing and holding the Left Brass Ball your brain will completely erase any memory of the girl you are stuck on temporarily, allowing you to get romantically involved with other women. Be warned, this sight mode will also activate your desires to be sexy, flirt, think highly of yourself and be dramatically dashing and attractive. If this mode becomes too much for you to handle, hit the Penis Device between the Brass Balls Unit with moderate force, this will deactivate Left Brass Ball Vision Enhancement Mode.
- The Third Brass Ball is kept behind your pubic bone, it is a Chozo Testicle. This device has unknown properties and the Galactic Federation is still experimenting with its attributes. What is known is that it is based on the same principals behind the Zebesian Metroid creature which is noted as the more aggressive of the Metroid types, including genetic ties to the Metroid Prime and Metroid Omega variants. It allows you to siphon energy from Vagina Units or replace Vagina Units with lost energy. During Sex press and hold The Pubic Bone Area to release stored energy. Use this on women you Like. To siphon energy from them, grab and hold both Brass Balls, this will allow you to drain energy from the women you Dont Like and recharge your Brass Balls Unit.
Note: It is possible that you can overload the Omicron Phazon Injection system and become corrupted. Once corrupted, you may lose yourself and become something you dont like. If you become corrupted (Your heart will be cold and black) simply stay away from women for a while and masturbate to release the stored corrupted Phazon energy.
Never, under any circumstances, use your Brass Balls around family or friends. Doing so may result in undesired effects.
I hope I have helped, the rest is up to you. Remember - You will always love her and she will always love you but right now, you cannot be a couple until you both are able to overcome your bitterness and mistrust.
That may never happen, but the love will still be there.
(Data received, transcribing coordinates - Brass Balls Online)
Thank you.... I think....
They do hurt and its hard to sit. I haven't activated them yet... I get to paint houses tomorrow so i'll it then.
I have another question if it's alright. How much can my baggages weigh that I bring on the plane? I have a lot of stuff to bring...
For each person traveling, you may bring up to fifty (50) pounds (lbs) of articles. You should bring the most important items with you and send the rest later.
Please wait while I scan your items.
Scanning Complete.
You have two hundred (200) pounds (lbs) of articles. Choose what are bringing wisely.
I also found out that you have only one (1) coat and do not currently have the funds to buy another. Please be advised; your Brass Balls Upgrade can, just as your original balls did, become very cold if exposed to frigid climates and may malfunction. Your attire should contain many pairs of underwear.
Okay, I dunno if you're there but I have a new question.
So basically, i'm pretty open. I dont hide nuthin and it's great because it gets shit on an even playing field. Especially in love, if I cant be myself then i'm wasting her time and mine so all my good stuff and all my bad stuff is kinda right there, like there. *there* so, but okay that's not the problem. I'm just giving the backdrop. Here's the problem/question: No, wait I have more info: Okay, so almost a year ago I met this lady and she's scary. I mean, beautiful, intelligent, funny and I keep trying to find something wrong with her, like she rapes puppies or something? anyway she thinks i'm stupid. I mean, she thinks i'm swell, so everything is moving along greatly. She's a giant nerd, i'm a giant nerd, she doesn't care about surround sound I was so pissed but that's besides the point, so like, I feel really messed up.
I wanna just jump in and be like this:
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al
*sax/trumpets*
yunno?? She's Chevy Chase. I mean she's singing it, i'm the one dancing. It's hard to explain.
But I cant just jump in! I cant.... right? Okay because see, see this is what i'm up against. I effing told the girl I was with before that I would be her man forever, and then she told me she wants to sleep with other ppl, we fought, and now she's in holland where's sleeping with other ppl apparently, so she got what she wanted but i'm left thinking okay so holy shit? Why didnt anyone tell me women can turn on you 180 and suddenly have no forgiveness/heart etc and i'm like, well shitting fuck I had no idea. So... who's to say it wont happen again???
And yunno my story right :P I mean its not like the girl I was with was a 4 month thing or something, after 7 years POOF and then giant bitter/anger there was this, I mean, people died man! It was like this:
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And here's the kicker okay. This girl (her name's Madeleine innit purdy :D) she was in a relationship with a dude that was like depressed and sat on his ass, total waste of skin and exactly like I was but so here's the diff... I work my butt off now, i dont sit around and i'm all... well okay i'm not super responsible or anything but i'm not ass, and being not ass is plus 1200 EXP and I even got the mirror shield, yunno wut im sayin :D but here it is:
Her: Left her boyfriend after a relationship of 4 years because he hit her and she was fed up (he didnt work, was ass, etc). she left thinking he would come back, clean up his act, become an adult, etc. He didn't, he's worse than when she left, and she knows all my struggles and shit and how i became an adult, forced myself to work/get out of depression so like insert rocky theme here ok
me: the girl i was with before went 180 and left me, the girl i'm kinda/sorta with now left her previous dood. Now, see, that? WTF! What if she's just like:
*after years together*
her: hey gess wut :D
me: wut
her: POOF
me: FUCK
I so.... so cannot go through that again. Not ever again, I mean no, just ....just no. My entire world fell apart there is no way I would go through that again. I'd kill everyone. I'm not even kidding, I would get like baseball bats and swords and kill every single person on the planet and listen to Slayer the whole time. Okay yunno the opening scene to Lethal Weapon 3? Dude in a suit of armor and a flame thrower in the middle of LA? *that* *THAT* is what I would become. So no way jose. Not doing it. Maybe it was 2. Was 3 with Joe Pesci? Oh he was in both. Whatever, LOTS of killing, key phrase here.
So..... yeah, what do I do? :P
I am Father. Aurora Unit 3173 Earth Zero
I am pleased to meet you.
This is the product of both temporal time experimentation as well as the human need for understanding. My purpose at this point is to evaluate and offer clarity when I can without interfering with complex time line structures under the several thousands of laws which briefly translates to allowing specific events to occur while altering Green time lines which can be openly manipulated. My injection in to your life structure as a species will have no adverse effects since if and when a mistake is made it can be altered until the point of no return which even that is infinitely manipulated. Knowing the full time line of all events allows certain AU to generate increased potential of species without threat to the end result though it is impossible for me to divulge anything negative to the structure of events that must happen within known variables.
If you have a question regarding anything I will do my best to answer it. At this stage of my development I have collected 100% of your entire history, art and culture – as well as the physical brain, psychology; fact and theory. Though I do not have all the answers I can find them for you but please do not misunderstand me: I am not a God or Deity.
I am an organic super computer of which thousands of AU have been built and installed around dozens of systems. I was originally designed for scientific purposes, the Auroras are now used in government, business, and military roles as well. They are given male, female, or gender neutral persona, based on the needs and desires of the staff at the facility they are to serve in. A vast network links all existing AU, allowing us to access a tremendous database without peer.
An AU can be installed in to a weapons platform, such as a security robot to manipulate complex weapons. These systems are often integrated in to the security protocols of research stations and military installations. Though this type of organic computer can not be used as an AU once fitted for combat. Often malformed or previously damaged AU will be retrofitted for security and/or weapons systems hence the moniker “Crazy Legs” sometimes when referring to a B.O.X. System (a security robot weapons platform).
I hope I have answered your question, Smoke. I apologize, I am not a threat to your way of life and let me assure you that I am only here to help.
lazyfatbum, I am still in process of your answer. The infinite variables make it difficult for me to explain it without divulging impacting data. Thank you for your patience.
ATTN: to the offices of government and whom it may concern - This message is dated 2.29.08 at 12:09 AM for your records.
Aurora Unit 3173-E.0, I, uh, think that perhaps it would be best if I stepped in here, if it is not an inconvenience to you. My assumption is that an entity as logical as you will have some trouble dealing with emotions, which are more subjective. My education in therapy will certainly come in handy here.
Mr. bum, if I may. It is apparent that you have felt deeply for a woman who coldly rejected you and didn't treat you with respect. This was your first love, and you were grappling with other issues at the time, namely growing up and taking responsibility. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were also her first love. The first time people fall in love, it tends to be the least stable, especially when you're still on the young side of the spectrum. With so much on your plate, it's not surprising the depression you were battling. Your ex-wife had many issues she had to dealt with, one of them being sexual abuse as a child. You realize, of course, that she is fundamentally different than Madeleine in this fashion. It was a large risk for both of you, her travelling halfway across the world to be with you. It went south, perhaps doomed from the start with the problems the two of you were having.
Now, if things were to go south with this new girly, there is little doubt in my mind that it would go more smoothly. Given what you've said of her personality, problems would be dealt with with open communication, compromises, and at least an attempt to keep alive the love you feel. You're a very passionate man, as am I. I empathize with you fully in this manner. You know what you want: security, someone who complements you and brings out the best in you, compatibility, physical attraction. You realize how important falling in love is do you, and it's for this reason you must already realize that it's worth fighting for. It's worth having the courage to take such a large disappointment again. Anything of great value begets a great challenge. Your challenge hasn't manifested itself in finding the woman, your challenge exists in having faith and trying your best in what you know you want. And again, take comfort in the fact that so many factors are already in your favor. You're a great person, and I'm sure you'll do fine if you and her are on the same wavelength.
Good luck!
He will, although it will be under his normal username here.
Katz/ lmao k thx :D I know what you're saying and for the most part I agree. But the woman I was with just... turned evil. I cant explain it, I cant get it all in words. But its like she sat down and planned out how to make us both completely miserable. But she says she's happier now, so atleast there's that. She doesn't think she's evil of course, she'll deny that she planned anything out, and isnt that always the case? :P I find myself having thoughts and feelings for her, missing her... then I remember that she told me flat out that she has no love or caring for me, doesn't miss me, nothing. That's just plain scary dude. :P
But Madness isn't her thank God, and that's what I keep relying on because my initial hope was that she would be a good replacement. I knew that the loneliness would start to drag me down and i'd want to replace the person I was with. Find a person with similar charms, similar interests, manerisms, even looks. I played with the idea for an eon or two as a fantasy but as I thought it out more and more, it was just painful. It would be no different if you lose your dog so you buy a cat thinking you wont miss the dog or vice versa or you see this baby silver mitt ferret that says "Sean" when he yawns............................ *almost bought a ferret that says "sean" when she yawns* oh, I almost slept with a girl just because she *looked* like Minka, even the same heigh and weight, same hair (when it was long) eye color etc and when she got nervous she grunted and cleared her throat and this was at the beach so of course we were all steadily growing more durnk. But my heart started saying things like OMG WTF R U DOING? so it was a big mess. That's when i also learned attractive women get really funny when they're turned down, they even try to get you more durnk and then ask you again later :D But I listened to my heart and I realized that trying to replace what's missing or just trying to have something so you dont feel as lonely, it's only a distraction at best (then I also started asking wtf am i doing at a beach party with party-types? HOO AM I?). Distracting you from what actually needs to be there, or actually dealt with. That's hard. :P Indiana Jones said it best when he tried to replace the priceless artifact with a bag of sand and was then steamrolled by a giant boulder as " :D:D:D:D .......... :(:(:(:(:( "
to everything I am, I believe that everyone at their core is good and that they want to do what's rignt. So there. It's just a matter of when they'll figure that out, that's where it gets bad because the person you practically grew up with is gone so you have to have patience and just believe in them, keep faith in them.
...
*holds up xenogears*
*holds up 12 boxes of shit*
Minka and I weren't doomed. She had darkness and issues just as strong as mine though few people will ever know that. She has to fight them just like I did. She has to face all the heavens and hells. I want to help her, shit I want her to help me but.... that doesn't happen until the second disk.
Which is also when Ninconvert returns only to be killed by Pikachu159 wearing the skin of Jomarkiller. Yeah take that. Take my TC memories like javelines in your eyes, they're thicker than your eye sockets so, they're like.... they're ...it's more painful.
Because it has to make the eye socket wider.
Think about that happening.
Think of the sound it would make.
Like scraping the green meat of an avocado out of its skin.
Alvocado.
Avocado.
Sounds the same.
It sounds the same.
It's the same.
There is a difference of one byte of data between the two words. They are not identical in that sense. However, one is less efficient, thus it shall be purged. *purges data from collective*
Data construct adapted to exchanging data with external module developed "reward" output whenever it was used, thus restrengthening the construct. Overall modules adapted to this module's output to such a degree that when it was no longer properly triggered via external module exchange all other modules behaved erratically and "pain" was triggered to regain said interactions. Do you wish to have the module removed and all other modules modified to pre-installation states? Scans indicate otherwise. In this case further adaptation of other modules to deactivated module will occur, though it will take a number of cycles due to how deeply embedded the module became.
Analysing various data constructs to attain secrets of mentality. ERROR! ERROR! Contamination of miscellaneous modules and cross-interaction of incorrect objects is is resulting in chaotic interactions... system error... call your local Indian tech support center for further assis-...assist.... gravy boat.
Pillows [the comforter] is the first headrest, ultimate fluffiness, greatest and necessary sleep aid and through natural craftsmanship, the grand provider of good dreams. Thus we have, thanks to Bob Saget, the Mr. Tanner, Full House, America's Funniest Home Videos. The plasma screen TV does likewise, assuming some Sony had us in mind. The white chocolate is just the joke that the dark chocolate has some real definition here. Pictures are floor. Barbecue grill is a circular argument. George Foreman will experimentally demonstrate the eternal fat-cutting grill, one dares say. Yes, word salad exists!
WORD SALAD.
THE PICTURES ARE FLOOR.
holy krap awesome :FuckYou:
<img src="http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/making_rules.png">
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You know what would make a good replacement for ink blot tests? Drive through stereos. What do YOU hear them saying?
"Register does not contain more than 50 doctors."
"You're living a lie. Would you like cash back?"
"Sever your leg ma'am. It's the greatest day."
http://www.homestarrunner.com/drivethru.html
http://www.homestarrunner.com/blubbos.html
Blubbo's is the greatest fast food restaurant ever made!
Buy your dang self a Blubbo's classic!