ryan you're as stubborn as I am, I hate you for that. I hate it that I have to say I was part of the problem when I was in the bloodbathing of the heartbreaking of end times. I hate it that you dropped me when God knows I was impossible to be around and I hate it that you're right and that I can easily see why you did and said the things you did but dammit I just wanted you there so I could scream and cry and be nuts and have you tell me i'm going to be okay but instead you told me to fuck off and then ignored me for 6 months.
I dont know how to look past that!!! i'm sorry, I just dont. But I will learn. Your friendship means more to me than being stuck on something that that we already both regret and both already accept blame for. I'm mad because you should have known better, you should have known me better (see why I hate empathy? it never works in your favor) but I know that at the time, that was an impossibility. I dont categorize you in betrayal, god you're so dramatic, I just want a fucking man-hug! You weren't there for me before... and that is both our faults and I do understand. But be here for me now, stop yelling encouragement from the shore and pull me out of the fucking water Weltall.
(Akira Yamaoka is not dead)
Don't kill yourself you idiot! This is how I handle delicate situations.
Maybe...this could have been put in a PM?
DJ/ dont kill yourself either!!! phew. Now that we have that out of the way...
No, I couldn't PM because he's acting pretty childish and is more interested in running away than talking, he's also sending me messages and then blocking me so I cant respond. The basics are, we need to resolve something and he needs to find the balls to sit down and talk it out with me.
Weltall-2 eh? At long last! Stand tall and shake the heavens!
Well...
You left me when I needed you the most. You tell me it's my fault for you leaving but I was going through the biggest horrors i've ever faced, I said and did shit I dont even remember and was trying my best to keep my head above water. You got all weird and mean, you were like 'You're never going to be with Minka again!" and I was begging you, why are you saying these things??? why are you putting me down, why aren't you helping??? but then I said godammit, if you dont help me how can you consider us friends? friends help eachother! I just wanted your help so I could feel some kind of security, some god damn lovies and a shoulder to cry on. Yunno in the movies the girl leaves the guy so his friend buys him a beer and they hang out and bullshit? Like that. And the friend gives advice and he's all helpful and good spirited and the guy who's girl left him, he starts feeling better because hi friend is so awesome. Why didnt you do that? why was it "She hates you fuck you i'm not helping you talk to her!" and then ignore me for months and months and then start talking to me and when I tell you how I feel you ignore me again! when does that happen in the movie???
You are dirt beneath me and I have no interest in helping you with anything. You were my friend because you made me laugh sometimes but I dont want to hear about your problems or your feelings. I dropped you because you became worthless. You no longer provided me with what I need, so I no longer needed you. Go a head and whine, be your little co-dependent self and expect friends to be there for you. But you will get nothing, because you are nothing and i've already wasted enough time explaining that to you.
Do not bother me again.
Wow... this is... um... Awkward...
But not nearly awkward enough. Let's take it up a notch!
I think you two had a homosexual relationship and that's why Minka left! Discuss!
Very few people can understand it. You have to think in terms of romanesque brotherhood. We fought in the frontlines together, we saved each other's lives. If either of us became ill, the other was there to nurse them back to health. If either of us had a major defeat or a major vistory, we were there for eachother. When Minka left me, I had no where to hide, I had no where to run for protection. I came to ryan begging for help and suddenly, he was putting me down, treating me like krap. There was no love from him, no affection and then with everything going on in my life he told me he no longer wants to be my friend and then ignored me. My life became worse ten fold, my drinking became worse. My entire world abondoned me.
After 6 months he sent me a message saying that he's sorry for what he did. But its like he wont accept the responsibility of it, he even blames me for it. I explained to him how I feel about it, and he sent me a message before blocking me with the last line "Minka will never take you back." I dont understand why he lunges at me or why he wants to attack me. I'm very lost and life is nothing but ass right now. I dont know what's going to happen after I go to holland. I may come back to america, I may stay in europe, I might travel to africa and live with a tribe for a while, I dont know. I just wish he would talk without threatening to run off or block me so we can get it all settled before I go.
Weltall-2 Wrote:You are dirt beneath me and I have no interest in helping you with anything. You were my friend because you made me laugh sometimes but I dont want to hear about your problems or your feelings. I dropped you because you became worthless. You no longer provided me with what I need, so I no longer needed you. Go a head and whine, be your little co-dependent self and expect friends to be there for you. But you will get nothing, because you are nothing and i've already wasted enough time explaining that to you.
Do not bother me again.
...........................................................................................................................................................................................
what
If you live with an african tribe be prepaired to wear their strange clothing, which consists of "No Fear" shirts from the early 1990's, "acid wash" jean shorts, and corporate hats from small computer companies. I'm not kidding.
However, I will say this. WHAT HAPPENED?!
I mean I've heard the poetic "movie treatment" version from lazy but I want cold hard description of "subject a's reaction" now! In other words, exact word by word interaction. For all I know, a lot of that stuff about approaching could be code for getting drunk and throwing bottles through Weltall's windows at midnight. For all I know Weltall's complaints might be code for "human beings that are a threat to my secret plans must be discarded".
Great Rumbler Wrote:...........................................................................................................................................................................................what
IP.
A Black Falcon Wrote:IP.
Not entirely unexpected, I suppose, but I was really hoping that it would turn out to be Stealth.
Ah, it all makes sense now.
Actually, I haven't seen Weltall post here in a while.
I thought it was pretty obvious that it wasn't actually ryan, i'm just sick of him ignoring me so I MADE him post dammit.
Great Rumbler Wrote:Not entirely unexpected, I suppose, but I was really hoping that it would turn out to be Stealth.
Stealth hasn't IM'ed me much in quite a while, but he did say a few things last week (after not saying anything for like five or six months)... does he still talk to anyone else here on MSN, or is it just me?
He seemed ... pretty messed up ... for a while, but the last few times he wasn't like that. He did say that he hadn't played much in the way of videogames in quite some time... that's most likely why there wasn't the usual nintendo/handheld bashing. :)
Quote:Actually, I haven't seen Weltall post here in a while.
That's a good point... though he's been calling himself Ryan for years now, that was my first hint that it wasn't really him... he definitely hasn't posted much in a while now. :(
lazy, in all seriousness you need to ask yourself a few questions about this decision of your's to go to foreign lands.
Would you be satisfied if after travelling all that way and managing to make contact with her, you still couldn't get the relationship back? This is a big one here. What I'm asking is do you consider the effort itself and the need to get a final answer the main goal or just getting the relationship back? If you can honestly say yes, you would accept it and still consider the trip worth it even if all you get is a "no", then that's the answer you need.
What will you accept as a "no"? Would you spend a week there? A month? How long would you continue to try to contact her? This is also very important. You MUST define in advance what you would accept as a clear and definitive "no". Here's a start. If she says "I don't want to see you again", that's a clear sign. Don't fall into the trap of interpreting all her messages as having some hidden secret desire to get back with you and all you need to do as the hero is bring it back out. Holding a radio over your head only works in the movies. Sometimes it really is over, as in those OTHER movies. My point is DO NOT BECOME A STALKER. It is ALWAYS wrong, in every situation, to do so.
Let's say she said yes, she's getting back together with you. You have to ask yourself. Is this incident that as you said nearly destroyed you going to ruin the relationship anyway? I mean it now. How would the relationship even play out from this point? Could you personally get past this event or will it just be dragged up every single time someone forgets to buy detergent or something. If you will never be able to get over this, if you can't say that you can, all you two are doing is prolonging and dragging out a lot of pain for no good reason.
It needs repeating, AFTER the fact, you've heard the "no" loud and clear, and accepted it, will you just leave or will you, in spite of having made the decision to spend your money yourself, in spite of having a clear message from her parents not to come, suddenly shout "Do you have any idea what I've had to go through to get here? Orbitz is like 10 years of hell for a crime I didn't commit!". You MUST be able, in advance, to gracefully accept a clear no and return home without being bitter about the effort you went through to get your final response.
Lastly, do you think you could withstand the smell of not American people? They aren't even really people, as it's the US constitution that defines human rights and that only applies to Americans! QED. Everyone knows that. And by everyone, I mean Americans.
If you can answer these questions well, then I bid you good luck on your trip. If you can't, don't go. You should instead focus your energies on attempting to get over her and moving on. There's no shame in that. I mean you aren't Captain Picard, the man who can resolve any dispute with ease and calm. That's okay though, most people aren't. I'm not saying you should fix those until you get the right answers to those important questions, or even offering advice on how you could. I'm just saying if you can't handle those things then you shouldn't attempt this. I wouldn't normally even support something like this but this is the best I can do. Meet me on these requirements and you have my support. Of course you don't need my support and can act on your own, but I fear if you can't handle this or are too obsessed it will only hurt you, and as important, other people. Well okay that's more important because other people outnumber you.
hahaha DJ you're awesome!
Well, it's like this. I've been through some major hell and I wont let that make me bitter or interfere with me and how I look at anyone. I'll probably never live in an apartment or house unless its firmly in my name again just out of the fear of losing it all again if someone decides to leave. As far as the trip and my goals, I learned how to go for the no. It took me 49 applications to get me a jawb. Everyone, even the cow shit shovelers (for reel) would not hire me.
But Walmart did! :D
It turned out, I was so good at hiding all those years, I barely existed. They couldn't find records of me anywhere. So for 3 months I would start at one end of the street and hit every store or business and walk in expecting a no, but doing my best to get the job. When I got Walmart, suddenly everyone with a 6.50 an hour job was calling me. Especially the mexican-oriented jobs. I remember in one day, I painted houses, cleaned a nature park's lake and surrounding bodies of water, dug a trench for laying piping, mopped a hospital's hallways (which apparently are also the bathrooms) and stocked the shelves at Walmart. If you've ever seen Dirty Jobs I was living it.
Minka continued to show her hate and act horrible everytime I talked with her. I slowly realized that there's no point in trying any longer. But I cant get her out of my head, I cant shut the heart off, yunno? I dont know how to just place her in my mind as someone to dislike. I dont know how to get over her. So the trip, that's what it's really all about. I made a promise to her that I will be there and I also need to have a defining moment of sorts, where I can finally say 'Yup, i'm done' so I can move on.
This would all be so much easier if it were just a girlfriend and not someone I lived with for 4 years, known for 8 years, was married to, had plans of a future with, kids, the whole 3 yard sticks. I mean I did the math and it was one third of my life with her. If she's going to tell herself to hate me forever, that means I have to find a way to get over her. She did find a way to get over me, unfortunately she took the bitter resentment and anger route... that usually results in becoming overweight and full of hate but who knows, maybe it helps her.
It's funny, you're the second person to call it obsessive. I'd challenge anyone here to have someone you love ripped away from you and then completely ignore you, offering you no chance to talk about anything. Of course, Minka meant the world to me and I wonder how many relationships actually have anything to do with love, maybe they cant understand until they know that feeling. Would you travel in to hell to save your girl? Would you fight an entire army just for the chance to see her? Would you think it obsessive? Would you just walk away? I fear that most would walk, especially at my age. The bachlores and bathlorettes who still think in terms of love being a semi-formal dinner and atleast 10 minutes of oral before sex.
The laundry detergent... that's my mom. She turns 'husband didn't make coffee' in to 'husband doesn't love me' and goes ballistic. Minka is like that too. I think i'm too logical to be affected like that. I'd definitely want to talk it out, get my feelings out on the whole thing. Have yunno, a conversation and connection. But I have no one to blame but myself.
Thank you DJ. In one post you said more than most people could in months of conversations.
Ryan just now saw your post lazy just so you know... He didn't tell me his log in wasn't working but it's fixed now.
Taking our personal laundry and giving it a public forum only solidifies all of the major red-flag cautions I hold towards you anymore.
But that's really beside the point. For eight months you've been stuck on a slight that would be considered forgettably minor everywhere except within your own tortured imagination. Ever since, every conversation you and I have inevitably steers towards you complaining about it, despite my having apologized far more than the situation warranted, despite the fact that I offered you real, tangible help and you declined it, only to obsess over my refusing you 'help' that would never have helped at all. Of course, in the process of making it public you skew the situation to place yourself in a favorable light, while marginalizing and simplifying some of the very fatal problems that got you in the mess you're in. Not at all unexpected. My side of it is markedly different. I'm not about to splash that crap out for everyone to see, though. I've offered the olive branch once and you burned me for it. I'm tired of it all, and as long as you're going to obsess over this, to the point of destroying every last trace of friendship we ever had, I don't desire to speak to you. I know you think I'm an ice-hearted bastard. I can't do anything about your perceptions, but it's your perceptions, perhaps more than anything else, that are your enemy when it comes to you relating to other human beings.
In any case, this is, as I said, a private matter between us. I would prefer that it remain so.
That's hiLARious! Wait.. this is serious... Buy war bonds!
Sorry, I joke during serious situations to defuse the situation. I mean sure sometimes other things might be more helpful, but that's just how I react in tough situations. Oh, incidentally, I am SO sorry parents of little Timmy... Had I thought to I'd have tried getting him out of that burning apartment but at the time all I could think to do was describe scenes from Mr. Bean episodes loudly at the second story window...
lazy, I completely expect a little obession here and for it to last a few years at that, as it has. I wouldn't call it unhealthy at all. I only wanted to make it clear that I've seen what happens when this goes too far, as anything can, and how it ends up just making things worse when it does. I wanted to make that clear in no uncertain terms because it's the only way I can think of to potentially prevent such a mistake. That said, if you truly just want to resolve it once and for all and all that, and need to make that final detachment, then you have my support, as I said above.
Oh, one other note. Once this is over, it likely still won't FEEL like it's over. You probably already know that. Don't fall into the trap of "one MORE final goodbye". I mean sometimes I end up getting up in the middle of the night to make sure my door is locked because I'm not sure it's all the way done and eventually convince myself "YES already, stop doing that or you'll get OCD!", so I can COMPLETELY RELATE TO ALL YOUR FEELINGS due to that common thread. Really though, I just want to be a little brutal just to make absolutely sure. Take this seeming doubt of you as a challenge or something. It's also a toothpaste.