In the year 3000, the ape-monsters from behind the planet's small moon made a daring attempt to overthrow their banana overseers. Unfortunately the attack came during the earlier spring and the bananas were still hard and green CAUSING THE APES TO GO INSANE WITH JEALOUSY. This has been referred to as the Great Jealousocity Bacon Marshmallow Day. For the next 11 years the apes were tortured mercilessly by the Torture Bots and Huggle Station Androids from Venus. The torture ended once Frankenberry was elected to the position of Supreme Chancellor of the Smarty Smart Guy Council of Wise Elders. He passed a proclomation making it a crime to knowningly take growth-enhancing hormone suppositories [but regular pills were still okay], this caused the trolls making the Kill-Droids to lose all their strength and so it was impossible for them to continue with their diabolic deeds of wicked androcity.
Five years later, another ape uprising came about. This time, with the aid of the Abe Lincoln clones secretly made in order to confuse the John Wilks Booth clones that had been terrorising the local bars, they were able to overthrow the oppressive tyrrany that had for so long forced them into low-paying managerial jobs at all the law offices. The new leader of the Sub-Human Tractor Planet was a tiger monkey named Leo Bumpkin Space Man II [after his mother]. He proclaimed that any used cars sold for more than 50% of their retail price [unless they were less than two years old] were to be immediately set up as gods for some of the outlying tribes. He stated that this was because it would be "a really funny joke on those dumb yokels".
Five thousands years later, the entire universe was run by cars, which just goes to show you that if you make fun of people that aren't smart, they will eventually make a sentient race of cars that will dominate the universe.
"I say, Reginald, that android appears to be wearing your leiderhosen!" Luscious shouted above all the noise.
"Great Scott!!" Reginald exclaimed as he turned his attention to the mechanical play going on at the western stage. "That's the most grotesque scene I believe I've ever had the misfortune of witnessing!"
He said this, although he had long since stopped being surprised by the things he saw going on around him. After that business on the station in quadrant five of the Marshall Nebula, this was quite possibly tame. Nevertheless, it was a particularly good pair of leiderhosen and he would miss it dearly.
Luscious raised his phaser and prepared to put an end to the whole affair.
"Nevermind that, Luscious," Reginald said with a loud sigh, "The leiderhosen is ruined now and I daresay those androids worked quite hard on their play, you may as well let them finish."
Luscious lowered his weapon and gazed around at the fanciful sights that surrounded them. It was enough to make any man go a little bit crazy with a phaser. A robotic festival was simply wrong on so many levels, disturbing even, and it didn't help that they were going around wearing other people's leiderhosen and singing songs in that creaky robotic voice of theirs. It was unnatural.
"This whole affair is making me quite queasy. What's say we leave this place and find some nice pub somewhere?" Luscious asked, putting his monocle back in place.
"That sounds like a wonderous idea, Luscious. The drinks will most certainly be on me this time!" Reginald said and soon the two were laughing heartily.
In the distance the robot play came to a close and soon the partipants began to exit from the stage accompanied by the metallic clink of several hundred aluminum hands. Soon the rest of the festivities also ended and the lights were turned off. Laying alone on the stage was a single pair of slightly worn, but still servicable, leiderhosen.
Through the dreary shades of night, the wanderer silently travels. Where paranoid dreams of foregone malice and pride float aimlessly like leaves through Autumn air. It is here that by the grace of the Divine Lords he will find the thing that he desperately seeks. The one thing, above all else, that must be found.
The sky is peirced with the red blood of the thousands who are killed in all the meaningless trivialities that spark wildfires of desperate passion for the sake of vengeance. And the moon shines undimmed over it all, like the eye of some great demon, peering down upon the land with great malevolance and turning the ground into ash. This is the land that the wanderer must pass through ere his finds that which he seeks.
It is a land that few men enter, those who have the mark of madness upon them, and no man has ever yet left. It is a land of the most intense cold and the most scorching heat imaginable, boiling and freezing all in the same instant. It was to be a place of rest for the weary as they traveled their tragically short journey called life. It now stands as a monument to the arrogance and misguided intentions of men long dead, forever keeping alive the memory of that time.
The fierce and unforgiving winds tear and his clothes and face, bringing with them the sting of loosened sand. He struggles against them, finding no solace among the desolate wastes. His mouth is parched from thirst and his stomach moaning from want of food, but such things cannot be found in such a place as this. He presses onward, obtaining a small victory with every step forward.
The mountains tower above him, their jagged peaks resembling the teeth of some ravenous beast ready to clamp down on the neck of its victim, instantly ending its life. A fate that awaits all who enter.
The wanderer's hands are now bloodied as he makes his way up the sheer cliffs. The last leg of his torturous journey is now upon him. Over the top of those mountains lies the thing that he has traveled so far and endured so much for
The winds have no reached a fever pitch, bearing straight down the side of the mountains and forcing the the wanderer to carry nearly twice his weight. He finally reaches with his torn and mutilated hands the last ledge of his long journey. He pulls himself over the top and lays panting on the cold rock. The winds have died down and the roiling skies have calmed. He sees it, just inches away from his face, the goal. He stretches out his hand and touches it.
A single flower.