8th June 2006, 11:35 AM
9th June 2006, 7:54 PM
That man is a genius. I never thought of messing with scammers, I always just chuckle at the stupid scam emails and delete them if they escape google's fortress of a spam filter.
9th June 2006, 9:09 PM
Quote:From Xavier Lipshitz:
Zuma! You incompetent tit! You question my security precautions while emailing me from an unsecured location?!
Yes, unsecured ö my private investigators have just finished tracing your IP number to your ISP, and have verified that you are emailing me from an unsecured location!
I don't expect you to take precautions as I do ö circling the earth in a supersonic jet, accessing the Internet via wireless connection. (Guess who owns the satellite off which my email, your email, and millions of others bounce? I do!). However, I do expect a modicum of professionalism from my associates, which I am not finding in you.
And now you want to play a shell game with your lawyer! "My lawyer's (Bar.)MICHEAL SMITH," you write. Now he's not, now he's just a "good guy" acting as a character witness on your behalf.
This is character: My father was a soldier of fortune who eventually lost his health, but not his bloodlust. He spent his twilight years working double-shifts in an Argentinean abattoir. There, he met my mother, an office girl 53 years his junior. After an evening's dalliance within the abattoir, I was conceived. Soon after my parents married. They were so strapped for money, my mother worked into her ninth month, and I was born in the abattoir.
My heritage is blood: I was conceived in blood, born in blood ö I have blood coursing through my veins!
While you, Zuma ö you embody everything that is wrong with contemporary crime! No finesse, no style, just two itchy palms and shifty eyes.
Your insolence will cost you ö my half of our transaction just went up to 72.33%, with all expenses, including my wireless Web connection bill for the next year, coming out of your end. I'm ordering dinner from a Cairo pizzeria later and that's coming out of your end, as well.
You endanger the whole deal by consorting with an unmasked member of law enforcement, and then chastise me about security? You were taken-in by one of the phoniest covernames I've ever seen ö "(Bar.) MICHEAL SMITH"! ö and then accuse me of "involving so many people." Well holy shit, maybe I should have introduced myself as "John Wayne" to make you feel more comfortable.
I've dealt with amateurs like you before ö you'll take your end of this transaction and buy a car, an inflatable woman, a case of beer, and then blow the rest in some casino.
Listen Zuma! I'm 108 years old. After years of drunkenness and wandering, I began my billion-dollar empire in World War II, paying draftees a nickel per day to mail home army jeeps one piece at a time. I have the patience of Job. The tenacity of Thor. I amassed 428 whole jeeps through the mail in four years. I shit hundred dollar bills. Don't fuck with me.
So, mucky-muck, scrape yourself up off the floor, salvage this transaction. There is a park near your home. Go there at midnight on Wednesday. In the middle of the park, where there usually are no trees, you will see a tree that appears to be newly planted ö that will be my attorney in disguise. Deal with him as you would deal with me.
... and that airplane you hear overhead ö it may be my jet. I've instructed my pilot to unburden the toilet tank while over your neighborhood.
XL