12th February 2003, 11:00 AM
Conker's Bad Fur Day Review
By Derek Miller
*#&@ off! You don't need to read my &%*#ing review! Go buy this @!#$ing game! Okay, to start this review off let me say that Conker's Bad Fur Day is definitely not for everyone. If you are young and easily impressionable or you take offense to toilet humor and sexual innuendoes then do not buy this game. But if you are sick of the same old platformers and want a game that will make you laugh then Conker may be for you. Whether you have to feed chunks of corn to the Great Mighty Poo (who, by the way, has an excellent singing voice) or jump off the rather large, uh, melons of a talking flower, Conker will never cease making you laugh. In my opinion this is Rare's best game since Goldeneye. Get it now you %$#&head!
Graphics
Graphically Conker is beautiful. It looks as good as Banjo-Tooie, if not better. The lighting affects are not overused in this game as I thought they were in previous Rare games. There is slight pop-up but never any noticeable slowdown. Some of the images in Conker will make your jaw-drop for more than one reason. Also Conker himself has some pretty cool idle activities. While Mario would take a nap in Mario 64 if you left him alone too long, Conker does a wide variety of activities. He will play with a yo-yo, play his Gameboy Color, or flip through a porno magazine. Let me reiterate that you will not stop laughing while playing Conker.
9.0
Sound
Rare once again proves they are masters at sound. The sound effects in Conker are near perfection and the music tracks are incredible for being stuffed on a cartridge. There are only a few games I can think of with better sound and most of them are Rare games. What else needs to be said?
10.0
Gameplay
The gameplay in Conker is fairly standard platformer fare. The most fun you'll have, though, is the jokes and the tasks you have to perform for people. While Mario had to bring a lost baby penguin to it's mother, Conker had to get a cow to drink prune juice so it will go poo. While Banjo and Kazooie had to climb up an anthill, Conker had to convince some bees to tickle a busty flower so the king bee could "pollinate" her. While Donkey Kong fought a raging armadillo, Conker had to fight the Great Mighty Poo. There are also funny parodies of pretty much every popular movie under the sun including Saving Private Ryan, The Godfather, and Aliens. Conker is hilarious the whole way through and if you aren't offended by the humor then you'll love it.
8.5
Replayability
Conker has some awesome multiplayer modes. Many are similar to standard FPS games but they all have a certain twist. I'll explain the modes here:
Deathmatch : Standard deathmatch with multiple levels to choose from.
Heist : A bag of money is in the middle of the bank. You have to grab the money and take it back to your safe. You go much slower when you have the money and you can't use weapons. Speaking of weapons, you start with a baseball bat and can also use throwing knives, an uzi, and a bazooka amoung other weapons.
Beach : You can either be on the side of the Frenchies or the Tedizes. If you are with the Frenchies then your goal is to make it across the beach without getting killed. The Tedizes will fire at you with a powerful machine gun, bazooka, or a sniper rifle. You can find powerups that burst your speed which will greatly help you avoid the gunfire. There is also a dynamite plunger you can use to blow the stuffing out of the Tedizes. As a Tediz you sit atop the hill and shoot at the frantic Frenchies with your three weapons. I can't explain in words how much fun that is.
Raptor : This ones pretty tough if you are on the Ugas side. As an Uga your goal is to steal a raptor egg and bring it to the large frying pan. Problem is Mama Raptor is out to prevent that. The Uga can use many primitive weapons to attack Mama Raptor but Mama Raptor has a vicious bite which is tough to compete with. This game is more fair when multiple Ugas take on a single Mama Raptor.
War : There are two modes to this, Total War and Colors. In Total War the Squirrels and Tediz both occupy seperate sides of the same fortress. Your goal is to find the enemy's canister of lethal chemicals and put it into the opposing sides sewer system, thus killing everyone who is not in a safe zone or wearing a gas mask. In Colors you simply play capture the flag. Get your enemy's flag and take it back to your own base.
Tank : This is similar to Total War except you are in tanks. Find the chemical canister and return it to your base to destroy the other tanks if they are not in safe zones. There are many different hardware pickups you can find such as a high-velocity gun barrel, a telescopic sight, a shield, and a nitro-booster. There is an option that lets one player control the tank's movement while another controls the turret.
Race : You race the hoverboards across lava with nitro-boosters and missles scattered about. It is the same race that is in the single-player game.
8.5
Buy/Rent
Buy it now! What are you waiting for?! Best Buy lowered the price of it to $30 so you have no excuse anymore!
Total (not an average) : 9.0
By Derek Miller
*#&@ off! You don't need to read my &%*#ing review! Go buy this @!#$ing game! Okay, to start this review off let me say that Conker's Bad Fur Day is definitely not for everyone. If you are young and easily impressionable or you take offense to toilet humor and sexual innuendoes then do not buy this game. But if you are sick of the same old platformers and want a game that will make you laugh then Conker may be for you. Whether you have to feed chunks of corn to the Great Mighty Poo (who, by the way, has an excellent singing voice) or jump off the rather large, uh, melons of a talking flower, Conker will never cease making you laugh. In my opinion this is Rare's best game since Goldeneye. Get it now you %$#&head!
Graphics
Graphically Conker is beautiful. It looks as good as Banjo-Tooie, if not better. The lighting affects are not overused in this game as I thought they were in previous Rare games. There is slight pop-up but never any noticeable slowdown. Some of the images in Conker will make your jaw-drop for more than one reason. Also Conker himself has some pretty cool idle activities. While Mario would take a nap in Mario 64 if you left him alone too long, Conker does a wide variety of activities. He will play with a yo-yo, play his Gameboy Color, or flip through a porno magazine. Let me reiterate that you will not stop laughing while playing Conker.
9.0
Sound
Rare once again proves they are masters at sound. The sound effects in Conker are near perfection and the music tracks are incredible for being stuffed on a cartridge. There are only a few games I can think of with better sound and most of them are Rare games. What else needs to be said?
10.0
Gameplay
The gameplay in Conker is fairly standard platformer fare. The most fun you'll have, though, is the jokes and the tasks you have to perform for people. While Mario had to bring a lost baby penguin to it's mother, Conker had to get a cow to drink prune juice so it will go poo. While Banjo and Kazooie had to climb up an anthill, Conker had to convince some bees to tickle a busty flower so the king bee could "pollinate" her. While Donkey Kong fought a raging armadillo, Conker had to fight the Great Mighty Poo. There are also funny parodies of pretty much every popular movie under the sun including Saving Private Ryan, The Godfather, and Aliens. Conker is hilarious the whole way through and if you aren't offended by the humor then you'll love it.
8.5
Replayability
Conker has some awesome multiplayer modes. Many are similar to standard FPS games but they all have a certain twist. I'll explain the modes here:
Deathmatch : Standard deathmatch with multiple levels to choose from.
Heist : A bag of money is in the middle of the bank. You have to grab the money and take it back to your safe. You go much slower when you have the money and you can't use weapons. Speaking of weapons, you start with a baseball bat and can also use throwing knives, an uzi, and a bazooka amoung other weapons.
Beach : You can either be on the side of the Frenchies or the Tedizes. If you are with the Frenchies then your goal is to make it across the beach without getting killed. The Tedizes will fire at you with a powerful machine gun, bazooka, or a sniper rifle. You can find powerups that burst your speed which will greatly help you avoid the gunfire. There is also a dynamite plunger you can use to blow the stuffing out of the Tedizes. As a Tediz you sit atop the hill and shoot at the frantic Frenchies with your three weapons. I can't explain in words how much fun that is.
Raptor : This ones pretty tough if you are on the Ugas side. As an Uga your goal is to steal a raptor egg and bring it to the large frying pan. Problem is Mama Raptor is out to prevent that. The Uga can use many primitive weapons to attack Mama Raptor but Mama Raptor has a vicious bite which is tough to compete with. This game is more fair when multiple Ugas take on a single Mama Raptor.
War : There are two modes to this, Total War and Colors. In Total War the Squirrels and Tediz both occupy seperate sides of the same fortress. Your goal is to find the enemy's canister of lethal chemicals and put it into the opposing sides sewer system, thus killing everyone who is not in a safe zone or wearing a gas mask. In Colors you simply play capture the flag. Get your enemy's flag and take it back to your own base.
Tank : This is similar to Total War except you are in tanks. Find the chemical canister and return it to your base to destroy the other tanks if they are not in safe zones. There are many different hardware pickups you can find such as a high-velocity gun barrel, a telescopic sight, a shield, and a nitro-booster. There is an option that lets one player control the tank's movement while another controls the turret.
Race : You race the hoverboards across lava with nitro-boosters and missles scattered about. It is the same race that is in the single-player game.
8.5
Buy/Rent
Buy it now! What are you waiting for?! Best Buy lowered the price of it to $30 so you have no excuse anymore!
Total (not an average) : 9.0